Is this relationship worth trying to save?

Hi everyone,
Would love to get some feedback from outside of my friends and family regarding my marriage.
Been married 5 years and have a 4 year old son and one on the way. We've had problems almost from the start (within the first year). Found out he had a drug and alcohol problem and he went to rehab. Then just last December found out he's been frequenting strip clubs and gambling. Says he's stopped doing that because "it upsets me so much." That worries me because he doesn't see it as a problem in and of itself (with regard to his addiction issues). That's the basic background but the rest of the story is that I just feel like crap most days in this relationship. Tonight he yelled at me that I am always on his back and he's f'ing sick of it. To "punish" me he slammed the front door and stomped away even though he'd promised our son he'd play with him. So I was left with a crying 4 year old and feeling like I just want to cry as well. I've told him before (because, yes, this scenario is a frequent one) that I don't care how mad he is at me please don't take it out on our son.
So you might be wondering, why stay at all? I know it might sound petty but I worry about how I would financially survive (I currently don't work). I also - of course! - worry about how it would affect my son. And believe me I understand that living in this kind of environment is affecting him as well...but which is worse? Not being able to have a stay-at-home mom and have his life change so dramatically or just putting my best face forward and trying to deal with this stuff at home?
We are in counseling. I go individually and he and I go once a month (that's all I could get him to agree on). I feel like there are no good solutions to this situation...that whatever decision I make it can't end well.
Anyway, I would love to hear some feedback. Thank you in advance.

A good counselor can help you answer the question of "will it work?". As for your son, quality is more important than quantity.

I wish you peace and light.

Just a couple of questions, ok? He says you're "always on his back." Do you tend to get after him alot about stuff? What about? Can you perhaps let up on him, or are these things that you get after him about really serious?

For instance, I've found that when hubby comes home from work, do NOT start on him right when he gets home. Let him sit down, read the paper or do whatever he does when he gets home, eat dinner, etc., and then in the evening have a talk about whatever it is you need him to do. By then, he's more relaxed & in better humor (usually) and not as likely to go storming off. Perhaps you already do this -- if so, he may be just looking for an excuse to get out of the house.

It's good to hear you're in counseling. You've taken the right step even if he doesn't want to be there. I agree with what "horse" said --- the quality of the home is what counts. If there is constant fighting in the home, THAT is going to affect your son more than if there's a father there or not. Sure, it would be perfect if he had a good father --- but since he doesn't, don't stay just because you want him to HAVE a father. A bad father is going to screw him up worse than no father at all!

Best of luck & God bless. Hugs, Lee

From my friends who have had alcohol and/or drug problems, the gambling and strip clubs are both just part of the addiction. And, it sounds as if he has a highly addictive personality...since he seems to just trade one for the other. Even if he manages to kick one addiction, he'll probably just trade it in for another one.

If he's not in AA or another similar program (I think this needs to happen in addition to couples therapy as this is something he needs to deal with on his own in order to make it stick), then I guess that I'm not too hopeful that a grin and bear it approach will work in the long run.

While you worry about money and preserving the family unit, your happiness (or lack thereof) will affect your children more than your financial situation. I grew up in a financially secure family with parents who didn't particularly like each other. We finally begged my mother to show my father the door. Things were harder financially, but we could finally sleep at night. I just wish that he had left sooner, to be completely honest.

I'd start planning a bit now for how you might be able to make it work without him. Even if you stay together, his issues could cause him to lose his job and any of the financial security he does provide you...then you'd be stuck with no money and a damaging relationship.

Are you close to any family that could help you get on your feet if you decide to leave?

I divorced my first husband when my kids were 5 and 2 because of his frequent cheating and he stole all of my money that was needed to pay the bills. I ended up keeping the house which was wonderful, but I was financially devastated. Thankfully I had family that helped me get back on my feet and helped with childcare

Leaving this destructive relationship will be better for your son in the longrun. By watching what goes on in the house only teaches him that it is normal behavior. If you have family or friends then let them know what is going on and accept and ask for help!!! It seems tough and at time like it's too much to handle but you can do it and in the end show your son that his Mom is a strong independent woman. Good luck to you and if you need someone to talk to, i'm always available

Thank you, thank you, thank you to all. I really appreciate the different perspectives and input.
Leed - to answer your question, I don't think I am constantly on his back. I do say things when it is a safety issue (e.g. please don't stack papers on the stove) or something to do with my son. That was what happened last night. He promised our son he would play with him and I heard my son ask at least 5 times for him to come play with no response (he was sitting on the couch playing a game on his phone) and I said "do you hear him asking you?" which then led to what I described in the original post.
Lido - Thanks for your perspective; I appreciate hearing from someone who grew up in a similar situation. And, yes, I do have family that could help.
I guess I still need to think about everything some more. Last night I got to thinking about why I am so scared to end this relationship and I kept going back to that phrase about the devil you know being better than the devil you don't. Thanks, Iluvcats, for letting me know that it is possible to start over with small kids and it can get better.