[crysonfell]

I need help, currently Im not seeing a therepist, though I have been to a few before. Unfortunately I can't wait till I can get to one, these feelings and insecurities are unbearable Its so hard, that I think quite often of suicide, so I can't feel this anymore. I am bipolar, and on meds, I know I won't ever act of the suicidal thoughts, but still I just want to feel better...

I have a feeling that having no self worth, or self esteem plays a big part in my insecurities, and I try sometimes to tell myself I am worth it, that my wife loves me very much, but it just doesn't work most of the time I often feel like a horrible person, someone with no value, with no talents (even though I have quite a few) I think Im ugly, and everything else thats no good. Sometimes I even feel guilty for involving my wife in my life, meeting her knowng I wasn't healed from my scars of the past yet. I endured alot of hard relationships that made me the way I am.

When I do get insecure, it feels like I lose control completely, that I get angry/depressed, worried, and the fear takes over so quickly I can't even seem to catch myself. I then feel like crap afterwards, after I have hurt my wife (emotionally) I know t hurts her, to have a husband who doubts her love. And I am so tired of being this way, I love her so much, it makes me feel like a monster when I say the things I do, and whn I doubt her.

Please, someone help me figure out how to find my worth, my trust I need in my wife, and just how to get better...I hate being this way, I been this way my whole life, and I am done

[Leed]

Bless your heart -- you're really struggling, aren't you! I don't know if you believe in God or not, but you have to remember that you were made in God's image and HE loves you! He walks with you thru every trial and tribulation to make SURE that you make it thru!!! You are NEVER alone! Remember that, ok?

You ARE worthy of being loved! You sound like a very caring, intelligent, person! I don't know what your past was like, but obviously it was very traumatic. You must have some very deep-seated issues that need to be worked on -- and a therapist is the one to work on these with. My childhood sucked too, and I carried all that into adulthood until I got sick and tired of being sick. Finally I sought out treatment and BOY was I glad!!! I got all those issues out in the open where they needed to be -- and that freed me from being strangled by them. My therapist showed me how to put them to rest -- how to bury them so they couldn't hurt me anymore!!!

PLEASE -- find a good therapist -- you DESERVE to live a good life without the fear and self-loathing. You are a GOOD PERSON and your future depends on your getting some help. Please do it soon, ok? I'm sure your wife will support you thru this. I wish you the very best. God bless & please take care. And let us know how you're doing from time to time, ok? We care. Hugs, Lee

[visalissa]

Hello, i can definetly relate. Im very sorry that your going through this. I have a husband who tells me everyday that im gorgous but i dont believe him. Sometimes you should just take the consideration that there are people out there that love you. And yes you have issues but dosent everyone. I believe that everyone needs a theripist. From the moment that they exit their mom. Everyone has an issue with something. mabey you should just sit down and talk with her and see what she really thinks..and if you have done this then continue to talk to her if she loves you and dont want to end this relationship then she will listen... Again im sorry that your dealing with this.. God bless

[Harley47]

I'm so sorry Cryson...I know what you must be going through can't be easy.

I'd tell you that suicide is never the answer. It only cheats yourself out of the opportunity for things to get better.

As far as your wife goes, I know it might not feel like it to you, but I would wager she understands Cryson. You're right, it probably does upset her...but you've got to understand, it's not you saying/doing/etc that, if that makes any sense. I think your wife understands that.

As far as your self worth goes, think about this: You have, at the absolute very least, enough value and enough good things about you to convince your wife to spend her life with you. I think that in itself speaks volumes about you.

I hope I was of some help Cryson. I will say a prayer for you.