[doggiedo]

Its been 2+ yrs since my divorce and I miss him still. I wonder how he and his family are doing. I even texted him the other day. I miss him not as a lover but as a friend I think. Is that bad? I'm really struggling as to whether that's "right" or "wrong" to be feeling. I know there is no right or wrong but whatever I feel is valid. Idk what to think other than I'm finally admitting to myself that I don't think I'm over him. Will I ever be or is it a process of learning how to move on.

[Open Eyes]

Well doggiedo, it has only been two years and from what you discribe on your about me, you probably took awhile to just get over the shock of it and you are just in the grieving stage. I think it is normal to miss him in a way, but you also miss the dream of marriage and love, AND EVEN HAVING CHILDREN TOO.

The bottom line is that he doesnt want children and that type ususally makes a poor parent anyway. Even though he may be marrying some woman who has children, he is still who he is and it doesn't mean he all of a sudden changed because of this woman, he is still the same person, and he may do to her as he did to you. Sometimes men who DONT want children, need to be the child or center of attention and they can be drawn away if they somehow gain more attention. That never means that there was anything wrong with you, often people seem to think that, but that is not always the case. And just because he is getting married, doesn't mean he is better off or the woman he marries is getting YOUR MAN OR PRIZE.

It is ok to grieve, but please make efforts to find someone who can better meet YOUR needs. There are nice men out there that also like children and are lonely as well.

So what you are feeling is normal, don't feel guilty or that what you feel is wrong at all. You have a right to feel and be validated, you have loss, it needs to be morned and can be missed.

(((Hugs))))
Open Eyes

[doggiedo]

But I am dating someone and we're coming up on a year. Is it fair to him? I do love my bf and it's not like I'm looking to get my ex back or anything.

[Open Eyes]

Oh, ok, well perhaps it is just that your ex is marrying someone else. That can be a trigger or real reminder of a loss. After all, we are human and have our pride you know. Just remember, he didn't like children and this situation for him may not last either.

After all, you married him, you were commited, it was HE who strayed. You sound like a very responsible person as well. You still have emotions about all that. You are only human you know and maybe you just need to grieve a little more.

I am glad to hear that you have found someone else and it sounds like you love this other man right?

You have to let go and realize that he has made a choice. But it doesn't mean he will stick to that either you know. You have to think about YOU AND YOUR CHOICES as you are not like him.

(((Hugs saying it is ok to have feelings))
Open Eyes

[The sphinx27]

I think I know how you feel. I still love my ex. I prey she gives me a chance someday. But I'm not good enough. but I think it can be considered normal. If you love someone then you love them. Wish I had a better answer for you. But I'm trying

[The sphinx27]

Oops didn't read the whole post

[doggiedo]

That's ok, I can understand the confusion. It's hard for everyone involved I think. Yes, his wedding is soon so maybe that's a trigger for me. I know I should stop making an attempt to talk to him, via AIM messenger and text. Will that make it easier, idk.

I wonder if I should be single to try and get past this on my own. I wonder if it's fair to my current bf. I haven't been"feeling it" lately but I think thats normal to a point. Given y background and what I'm currently dealing with, it makes sense that I want to withdraw a little from my current relationship. I just also want to be careful I don't check out of my current relationship either, which I also kinda feel like im doing.

[beauflow]

I read your about me section..... I can understand this a little with missing your ex, as a friend- but the thing is what he had done is not a friend like thing to do-- He does not want to have kids, but gets involved with another *emotionally while with you, which has now lead to marrying them for him. and this new woman has kids.. And you left with a bag of your own.

I can't imagine that pain there- I don't want to imagine that pain there- But in my book that would not be soo much as a friend...

I hope I am not promoting anger here- that is not what I am trying to do, but I can see how it may come accross that way- I am just trying to say- Ask yourself what a friend is-- is that the description?

Many hugs- Sorry if I was not helpful with my two cents.

[doggiedo]

Yea, you are right. Maybe I'm just lonely and feel like hes my fall back friend. I bet he thinks it's weird. I mean if I were engaged and my ex was texting me every once and a while about misc stuff, I'd think they were a weirdo.

[doggiedo]

So how does one mourn the loss and move on?

[bowhunt72]

Originally Posted by doggiedo

So how does one mourn the loss and move on?

If I knew that, I'd be making millions writing books instead of posting on PC. I'm still mourning the loss of my lover even as my wife and I are trying to reconcile, a very difficult situation indeed.

If it's worth anything from a semi-anonymous internet friend, you have my sympathy and best wishes in this difficult time.