Washing my hands of it all

Finally sat down with hubby the other day and talked about how we can start splitting the responsibilies between us so I am not feeling overwelmed.

Just so you know, I made a post in general last week called "I'm a loser". It pretty much explains everything up to this point.

Anyway, he was pretty receptive to the talk. Said we could do it together that way we are both on aware of what is going on. I saw it as a compromise so I was pretty happy with that. In addition, I explained that I didnt appreciate him pointling out that I missed the mortgage payment because I already felt bad enough.

I wanted to also explain to him that he, weather he relized it or not, was putting a tremendous amount of pressure on me. I just got back to work after several months. I havent get gotten the groove down yet but getting there. I come home from there, make dinner, hang with the kids, the dogs, hubby. Sometimes I get to watch some TV other times I dont. I go to bed and start the whole routine over again. In the middle of this I have to find the time to keep the check book balanced and keep food in the house and make sure all the bills are paid. I guess to some people this is an easy task, but for me, its not so easy. I have a terrible memory and I try to write things down so I dont forget. Anyway, I told him that he relies on me too much to make sure things are on track. I am not a superwomen and I do need help. I already have three kids and I dont need four. So I told him to please HELP me.

All was ok until this morning when I told him we were going to run into a squeeze by the end of the week. He demanded details so I showed him the bills, then I showed him the check book. Easy to see that you cant get blood from a stone. He starts looking at me like I have done something wrong and starts questioning me about where the money is. WHAT THE HELL? I just started working. I get paid on Friday the 31st but the rent is due and its not enough for the rent and utilities.

Thing is, I am upset because he is not working yet. He will start soon working with my step father but as of right now he is not and again, it all seems like it is falling on me and I have had it up to my eyeballs.

I told him that I will no longer be responsible for the bills. It is his problem now. I turned over the checkbook, my debit card and the credit cards. I told him that I will require an allowance of 15.00 a week and thats it.

I cant take it. I am not going to be the fall guy here. I cant snap my fingers and make everything ok. I cant and I am sick of him thinking its all me.

{{{{{{JEN}}}}} group hug. Hope things work out for the better!

((((Jen)))) hon I know how you feel...I hope things get better soon and he will find out how hard it really is.

My bf does the same exact thing to me! He complains all the time about money...how we never have any...what do I do with all the money, etc. I've been extremely tempted to hand him over all the bills, money, etc.and tell him to take care of it all!

Why is it the men never realize how truly hard it is to do everything? All they do is sit on the darn couch and watch tv! And we get no credit at all for anything when we're the ones doing all the work!

Just makes me very angry!

Try to hang in there.

(((((((((Jen))))))))) I'm glad you're refusing to shoulder all of the responsibility now.

Jen,

I think it's great that you are setting up healthy boundaries and speaking up about the things that you feel are unfair.
Life is about choices. I've chosen to have what I consider an equal relationship-- in regards to shared duties anyway.

We've always shared paying bills. At the moment I'm out of work-- so I do all the housework-- but when I was working, we shared household chores too ---as I see it that, if I'm working-- I'm doing the "man's" part of the relationship(bringing home the bacon)-- so it's only right for my husband to share in the "woman's" part of the relationship(household chores).

I hope things lighten up for you.... hope hubby steps in and helps you-- you're right-- you don't need FOUR kids!!
I'm here, if you need to talk.

mandy

Hi ladies

In spite of female emancipation, men are very slow in accepting our equality. Wives (even those without kids) do work harder than their husbands - men expect it and women act accordingly.

It's a universal problem in need of a sea-change.

As the great feminist Gloria Steinem so rightly said in the 1960s:

You never hear a man ask advice on how to run a marriage and a career!

I rest my case!

FG

All of your responses are much appreciated. This is an on going issue between my husband and I but it is only recently that I have had the guts to speak up for myself. I try to convey issues verbally now instead of isolating.

Long day at work today. So I am off to start dinner and who knows what else.

Girl, i am very glad you stood up for yourself...and you're not a loser. in my first marriage, i put him through law school and i did everything...after working all day...he studied when he came home. i thought that when he got out of law school that he would take some of the load off of me. not. i bought our next car and our next house. i cared for his alcoholic parents (til i got fed up and said no more) and almost lost my mind from all the pressure. i know what you're going through. i had to balance the money that i brought back from the store with the receipt.

i am very proud that you told him how it is and handed the responsibility to him. if he isn't working, the least he could do is help out and do 3/4 of the chores. xoxo pat

Good on you for asserting yourself. And jmo, you are so NOT a loser.

I couldnt have said it better my self Pat. Your right, if he isnt working right now, its the least he can do.

Doesnt it just send you over the edge knowing that we bend over backwards...continually and this is the thanks we get.

Thanks Heartspace