Forgiveness

I got hurt (emotionally) a couple of years ago. After all this time I still get triggered back into being suspicious, scared, and depressed. I was told you have to choose to forgive. Well, I've read volumes on acceptance, trust, forgiveness, not obsessing, taking responsibility, and on and on....only to find myself at times, right back where I started

Suspicion leads to fear and anxiety....then I feel guilty and depressed. Don't know

A friend told me I just have to "let this go" ... I wish!!!

Suspicion about what?

I wish I could let go but hurts too much, distrust of spouse. Iam thinking just to leave?

Suspicion about the kinds of things that were done is secret that caused the hurt between my partner and myself two years ago.

If what you are doing is hidden then you know what you are doing is wrong. I made it clear it was not acceptable. He apologized ...admitted it was wrong and said it would not happen again, but a lot of emotional damage had been done.

So...how to you "make" yourself ...will yourself ... to feel safe??

My biggest problem is the broken trust. If a person wants to hide something they can. You never really know if someone is being honest. That comes with faith and trust...which at one time was broken...thus fear and all the other emotions return. From time to time my head wonders to a place where I don't want it to be. Even on a good day I find myself holding back....protecting myself.

And why do I end up feeling like I have to fix myself!!

I don't know if this will help at all... But about four years ago my fiance emotionally hurt me as well, which caused me to have periods of being suspicious and untrusting since then. Every so often, something would trigger me and I'd start dwelling on what happened, trying to figure out why it happened, thinking if I really knew why it happened, I could move past it. But honestly, I already knew everything that I was every going to know about it. I knew why it happened (our issues boiled down to miscommunication and him feeling hurt and mad in his own right, and various other things). But I think I realized something this weekend... When I something triggers me and I start dwelling on this, beating myself up over it, questioning his love, etc, I'm usually already upset about something else going on in my life, not even related to my fiance. But because I already know how to feel about that event, and the emotions aren't new and scary, and honestly, even feels safe and in control to feel that way.... I channel all my energy and emotion into that instead of looking at what's really bothering me. At least, that's what I think is happening because I truly don't have any reason to not trust him now. He's been the perfect mate for the past four years.

What I'm trying to get at is that maybe something else is actually upsetting you or triggering you, but because those emotions feel "safe" you rehash those instead of working on what's actually bothering you. I'm not saying that's definitely the case and honestly, two years ago, I think I was still not ready to forgive and forget. Maybe you simply need more time. Have you tried journalling at all? That's how I came to the conclusion I came to (7 hours of journaling...). I'm sorry you're going through this, and there are a lot of people here who can relate to the pain you're feeling. If you want to talk more, feel free to PM me.

Good luck, take care!

cindy-lou...I left my first relationship and after I did suffered extreme guilt. Then in my new relationship so many things are the same. I mean...as mush as I LOVE my partner... problems arise in every relationship. If there is any way to work on them I would try...I know you probably are trying, but with help maybe.

RomanSunburn...You make a lot of sense. I don't know what's bothering me so maybe this is...as you say...what I put as the blame.

I also think that like PST...when your heart is racing and the adrenalin is flowing... things get burned into your memory. Getting them out of my head is the trick

I don't journal because I don't want anyone else to read it. Coming here ...talking to a friend...helps, so thank you both for your responses.