[cantstandit]

We have been married for a little more than 4 years! I have never loved anyone as much as I love her. But I have to go!

Her son who is now 15 years old and is still pooping his pants! (every day) After many visits to many doctors all of them telling my wife that there is nothing medically wrong with him. Each doctor says it is a behavioral problem. So I convince her to get him to a behavioral specialist who after ten or more visits tells my wife that her son gets some type of pleasure out of messing his pants and that she is the only one who can stop him from messing his pants.

He explained that simple forms of punishment for doing it (no TV, no video games,no toys) would eventually shy him away from doing it.

Well my wife seems to think that punishment is a negative and she does not want any negativity between her and her son.

She wants me to be a part of her sons life but I really can't stand the smell of him and just keep my distance at all times. She is starting to hate me for it .

Every one I talk to tells me that they could not live with it and that she is wrong. So I have to get out and I am depressed about it!!!!!! REALLY DEPRESSED!!!

[bebop]

wow! not really sure what to say. she needs to stand her ground with the boy and make him stop! I am really sorry and I do understand where you are coming from. I can only imagine how hard it is to live like that. ((((hugs))))

[snowflakes]

Hi! First of all, I dont think it will help you backing out or leaving your wife especially with your child under that circumstances. It will even add up to the feelings your child is currently having right now. What you need to do is talk to your wife and let her see and understand how important it is for your child to have her do that. Because eventually your child will really get affected by that. Like what the therapist or doctors said, its just a matter of behavior modifications. Eliminating some o fthe bad habits your son has through positve reinforcement or conditioning really helps a lot. Motivating and using some token if your child has done something good makes it even more effective. And also punishment is one form of behavior modification. If your child has done something wrong like in your case, then he deserves some punishment at certain degree. By doing this lets him think that what he is doing is not right thus optin him not to do that anymore. I think the both of you can do this if the both of you stand together.. You can do it! Just give trust a try... I will pray for you!

[SeptemberMorn]

I agree with Snowflake that leaving your wife because of this is an option.

Have you told her how you feel? Does she know you're thinking of leaving her? She really needs to know how you feel about the whole thing.

Obiously, her methods of discipline haven't worked. It's time she realized it and tried something new. The boy does what he does because HE CAN. Have you thought of taking control in this situation? Maybe you should. Ask your wife if you can try it your way for a while.

Does the boy have to clean up his own mess? Is he made to wash his soiled clothes by hand until they're spotless and fresh smelling? Why does he smell? Isn't he made to bathe? You don't have to answer me, it's just something to think about. But if you love your wife as much as you say you do, you need to fight this. In the big scheme of things, this is nothing.

Good luck.

[agony007]

wow! thats definitely a difficult situation. i agree that you should talk to your wife and explain to her how this is affecting you and your relationship. i am a strict disciplinarian and i wouldn't stand for that nonsense one bit, so i understand where you are coming from. she really needs to get on the ball and do whatever is necessary to stop that disgusting behavior, because i must say that is very disgusting, especially since you guys have already confirmed that he does not have any medical ailments that is causing him to do this. wish you the best of luck.

[bonaire]

I had that condition in the 2nd grade - just shortly after my dad died. Has this boy gone through trauma? What happened to his natural dad? Divorce, etc? Or is he a bit autistic, or something?

He may need therapy by a better therapist too.

I don't know entirely about divorce over such a thing, but that's your call. My wife is a smoker and is stinky all the time. I don't divorce her over the smell :-) I also live in a sexless marriage - since my wife had a hysterectomy a couple years ago. But I'm sticking with it - been through too much to do anything about it.

Get the right help for him and find out the root cause. It may be that the attention he gets from the pants is the only attention he gets - so he's trained himself to do it. Some kids, sadly, enjoy abuse because it's the only attention their parents pay them. Praise him for the time periods he doesn't do it - try to break him from it through praise rather than punishment. But punishment should be involved in some aspects of solving the problem.

[chiz]

Hello,

I don't think that leaving her is the best option. You said that you love her, so why are you leaving? She may be wrong but you can both find a solution to it. With her son's problem, why don't you help her out? If she can't do it in a negative way, then find a positive one. Educating her child could be effective. There are so many options to solve your problems aside from leaving.

You should really talk about it and brainstorm on what you are going to do with her son. The problem is not between you but her son that affects your relationship. Just sacrifice a bit in order to solve the problem.

[history1986d]

Wow, that's a really tough situation.