Is it OK for a 45 year old man to date a 20-year-old woman?

first let me remind everyone we've all agreed that we'll will be supportive towards each other, so although some do not think that age difference relationships are appropriate or healthy would it be so hard for you to use a bit of tack when you post your opinions Secondly i want to ask how people would feel if it was a 45yr old woman and 20yr old man ? Or a same sex couple with the large age gap ?

the tags for this poll "age appropriate", "girls as sex objects" and "power in relationships" were what caught my eye, as well...

...the protective motherly part of me coming out.

Females (AND males...but not necessarily in this case) of every age need to be and should be protected from predatory and dangerous behavior.

I do agree, though, everyone has a right to make their own choices and mistakes.

Meh. Every person gets to make their own decisions. Frankly, it is rare in today's society for a relationship to last a really long time, regardless of age. There are plenty of couples who are close to the same age whose relationship is unhealthy.

Personally, I am 20 years old right now and wouldn't date a 45 year-old. Not because I feel I am too immature in comparison, but because we would be at two completely different places in our lives.

Worst case scenario - the two individuals try a relationship, and it doesn't work out. Doesn't sound so different from how a lot of relationships end up.

Just after my divorce at age 47, I dated a 32 year old man. It was fun, till he turned psycho on me (but that's another story).
I think the age difference doesn't matter if you are both symbiotic.

I like this answer. I'd also remind that the subject is "date"...not move in with or marry. It seemed like such a simple question.
I've dated older women in the past. They were dates. Social outings. I didn't ask for opinions and I doubt that they did. It was nobody's business...which makes me wonder why the OP is asking for opinions.

This is a forum predominately made up of members with mental or emotional issues... I don't understand why anyone would ask for our opinions on their morality, social, or sex life

But I agree that those tags give the thread a whole different view
Maybe the OP would like to come back and clear up some things?

I hate when people talk about people my age like were completely ignorant. i mean, i get it, were young, naive, and think we know everything. im not trying to come from a place of anger, its just that when i hear older people talking about people my age, it makes me feel stupid. Like im not equal to them or that my opinion is less important because i have less life experience. I understand, but it just makes me feel bad, thats all.

I'm not sure how old you are but I'm guessing around 20 just because you stated "people my age" and that is one of the ages mentioned. Maturity isn't necessarily reflected by age. I've read posts here by people who seem amazingly lacking in maturity for their age...regardless of their age. And some are remarkably mature for their age. I see the same IRL. Don't let it get you down.

I think that a large difference in ages can be the same as a large difference in cultures. While it can work out if both parties are open, honest and in the same place, big gaps like these can cause problems that should not be taken lightly. I've dated men older, younger and from very different cultures as well as date men my own age and from my own home town. Every relationship has its ups and downs but having a more similar background and set of values just means that certain things don't need to be negotiated or questioned. But as I've always said, if both parties are of age and not breaking any laws, each person must decide what is right or wrong for himself/herself.

It's legal but I wouldn't go out with a 45 year old at 20 (though I'm currently only 19 now).. no offence. Too much of an age and maturity difference.

I am sorry if you feel as if you were condescended to simply based on age; however, as a woman twice your age, you are NOT equal to me in life experience. BUT you are equal as a human being and as a person. Your opinion matters very much and you are not stupid.

I live in LA, honey, and my perspective is probably different than many of yours. I've seen it a million times, and it's just very sad. And it's dangerous. People get hurt (this isn't the backwoods of Kentucky or a small town USA)/

In addition, if someone is going to take a poll and then ask for opinions, that is what they will get: answers and opinions. Tagging it with very sensitive subject matters, too (women/girls as sex objects) will get a reaction. Whether you are a member of PC or not. It doesn't take a genius.

My main question is why in the world would a 45 year old man WANT to "date" a 20 year old young woman? In reality?

I think - I hope! - you meant "sympatico". Symbiotic means like two mutually effective parasites.

It really doesn't matter. There is a 10 year age difference between me and my partner. It all comes down to preference and what you are comfortable. I have always been attracted to older men, I don't know why. The wisdom, the vast knowledge of subjects with always something to talk about, stuff like that. I can understand someone saying that the only reason a 45 year old man would want a 20 year old is for sex, and while that may be true, sex is not always everything and neither is looks. That fades too.

But to each their own

I am 20 single but I am inlove with a 35 year old man now, before I was inlove with a 45 yr old man. I don't know, it just happen that my heart beats fast and I always caught myself smiling alone like insane whenever I think of him or see him. I dont see anything wrong unless the man is married and have an affair to a single woman like me. I'm inlove but still in control cause I don't like relationships.

I'd say it's most definitely fine, it depends on the people, who they are as individuals, and how they both feel.

Think of it this way - if you polled people, in different cultures, throughout history up through today (even in different parts of the world today), you'd get a huge array of results. All a poll is going to tell you is where the culture stands. So the question is - does that matter? If we aren't harming anyone, why allow ourselves be shackled to arbitrary cultural views?

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keyword here: "non professional"

Seriously though can you explain what a man that isn't emotionally stunted looks like? I can name a number of men that are not exactly mature in their 40s but married or interested in same age women. Also I take offense for the 20 yr olds in that it assumes that in order to date a young lady you have to be 'emotionally stunted' Hmmm...

men taht are after any age women can be after women as sex objects period if you're naive enough to think that players exist only to chase after 20 somethings you're really misguided. Men that prey on women for sex do it not based on age nor are they limited to the group that goes after younger women.

Are you all in a relationship/dating now or is this just something you would like, and the man has not said/approached you or you, him, yet? I don't know about "OK", it did not work well overall for me (I was 26 and in love with a 46 year old man). Older men are usually established and "familiar" because they are a little like our parents/father in their likes/dislikes, etc. and we don't have to wonder about ourselves and our own personal interests or how we're going to make it in the world, etc. but just "skip" that part and hook up with this older guy. However, think about it from the other end? What is so "interesting" about you that an older man would like? Usually only your "youth"/sexuality and/or that you need "protection"/taking care of, all traits that encouraging in one's self will cause problems later.

Agreed that these are all valid reasons that younger women could be interesting but speaking for myself, and I don't exclude any older women but typically for me, most women my age are married for one. I don't do affairs. I'm not saying they aren't available but there really are less availalbe. I tend to get along with younger people too better. I game a lot and am very into a lot of social media, streaming, and all of that. Much of the crowd that would be of my peers sometimes do not jive with my interests at all. Some don't even understand teh concept of being a gamer really other than their kids are into 'that weird world of gaming' it goes further than gaming but frankly for myself it's a matter of relating to people.

This is not to minimize that a youthful female is not appealing for that reason too but that it's not the entirety of my interest. Besides in my case most women my age don't look at me as a peer anyway because I look far younger than I am.

Just saying yeah there are men that may just look at a younger lady as a cute 'catch" but it's not always the case.

i think it's absolutely ok, do what makes you happy..if it works great..if it doesn't try something else. age is merely a number, at the end of the day it's all about the person.

i routinely deal with people who are my age and older that act every bit as if they were 12, most adults these days are "children" emotionally anyways (myself included at times)

if that's what turns you on do it, if not hey..not your cup of tea.

i would never judge anyone for their choices based on such a meaningless criteria. so if it turns you on..heh, go for it!

Sure. I was the 20-year-old and "he" was the 45-year-old. It didn't work out romantically for us, but over 15 years later and he is still my best friend. I don't have "daddy issues"...we just really clicked well.
At 20 I never could have dated a guy my own age...the maturity just wasn't there. After going out with aforementioned guy for a year, I went out with someone 14 years older then me on and off (mostly on) for over 10 years. There were some issues due to our age difference (but it was mostly differences in personality...that was what really broke us up), and we did get along better when we were both older than when I was 21 and he was 35.
I really think as long as both people are honest and communicate (important in any relationship), I don't see the issue.

I agree with this.

Sort of off-topic... but in the book Jane Eyre, Jane and Mr. Rochester have a 20 year age difference. Of course, this was written a long time ago, and it's just a book. But I just thought of this so I thought I'd mention it.

I spent my late teens and 20s dating men 15-25 years older than me and forming friendships with people who were much older. In hindsight, I wish I had learned to fit in better with my own peer group instead. There were other people my age who shared similar interests and lifestyles, but I didn't try hard enough to find them.

I believe that mentally, 45 and 20 year olds are in two vastly different places. A 20yr old should be allowed to experience more of life, socially, educationally, career-wise. Her way of thinking and assessing life's lessons/moments/experiences hasn't fully evolved. She's still forming opinions and maturing. It doesn't matter if she appears more mature than her age, I believe she should still be given the opportunity to develop more, and that takes time.

Plus, when she reaches the stage where she's preoccupied with finding/establishing her role in the wide, wide world, he's probably already at the age where he's done with all that and wanting to settle. So as the two grow older, she may end up feeling saddled with a senior. I'm not saying a relationship like this can never work. I'm just saying it requires some serious introspection on both sides. What stages of life are the two at now and what are their goals for the future? If they are very different then trouble may be ahead.

Hello there, m022576!
Since you asked for peoples input, I thought I'd offer mine. I am a 22 year old female, and my boyfriend is 29. I know this isn't as much of an age-gap as 20+ years, but still. I am a firm believer that if two people love each other, or have deep feelings for each other, then they should be allowed to do whatever they please, whether they are five years apart, or many more. I wish the best of luck to you two, I see nothing wrong with your feelings for her.

Interesting the one concept that hasn't been expressed yet is that.....25 year age difference....the person could either be your father or your mother with that age difference.........

Seems to me that when a huge age difference occurs like that it's definitely possible that the older aged person could be sensed to fill a void that might have been missing in a parent growing up.

Personally I wouldn't care to date someone that many years older than I am.....LOL.....speaking of that, I got a wrong number phone call the other day (I live in a small town where many people know each other)....& this wrong number was a person who has lived in this town all his life. Somehow he thought that he was calling back my number that had called him & he thought that he knew who he was calling.....but he didn't....so living in the same town we started talking.....found out he owns a farm to the east of my farm......& he is a senior.....81 years old.....with a chuckle...I'm 61....so there's 20 years age difference. I'm in the process of getting my divorce finalized & I doubt that I would ever consider marring again after almost 40 years of being in a horrible marriage (left after 33 years)......but I can be friends....no problem the age difference....but you start getting into a permanent relationship.....& age difference at the older age can have it's serious issues......I wouldn't want to get married to end up having to take care of someone for the rest of their life.....nor would I want someone to marry me for the same reasons....even if there was love there.....but after the bad marriage I was in.....I'm not even sure I would recognize LOVE if it knocked me over the head.

Another point: people often talk about the caregiver role a younger person might fall into-- but there's something horrible that happens even before that, which I don't think has a name. As people get older, they lose stamina and the physical ability to do things they did when they were younger. Sometimes this seems to happen overnight.

I find myself in a position now where my older friends are getting to be too old to do anything. This is incredibly difficult to deal with. I'm in my 30s and still interested in active adventures, but my friends want to sit around drinking coffee and chit chatting. It can be even worse if they want to come along on an outing they simply don't have the physical stamina for.

It is very hard to make good decisions in these matters. Do I invite my friend on a trip out of town and never go anywhere that's more than five minutes from the car? Or do I go on my own and explore at my own pace?

Anyway, I again wish that I had learned to interact with my peers rather than go outside my group. My older friends probably wish that too. Some of them surrounded themselves with young friends, most of whom are dropping out of the picture, becoming busy with their own young families or careers, or, like me, interested in more active pursuits.