Is it OK for a 45 year old man to date a 20-year-old woman?

Where did I suggest anything about anything? It is in reference to being cognitive able to make a decision. I think that even the current law is stupid, because a couple of underage kids can become suddenly illegal when just one of them reaches a certain birthday.

25 as age of consent?! They gotta be kidding. By that age, some of my girlfriends and I were handling either grad school+PT job+a toddler in tow, or, full time jobs with kindergarten age children in tow, and some of use were single mothers, although we had help from our families. Our children ("our" means belonging to my girlfriends or me) have already finished universities or are studying at universities.

As for brain wiring, since the idea that brain cells do not regenerate appears to have been disproven, and instead we know now that brain continues to change and be malleable throughout life, what is the point of talking about when maturation ends?

Biologically, some of the processes of aging begin right at birth. It does not make newborns fit for marriage. The reverse is also true - even if some growth processes have not yet stopped, it does not mean that a person is not fit for making dating decisions by herself.

Yes, I responded precisely to the idea of a 20 year old's not able to make a decision cognitively. Able to take a full load of university level classes but not able to decide whom to date, because of cognitive immaturity. How does that make sense to you? I am not asking this as a rhetorical question - clearly, it does make sense to you, so I wonder, how? Is voting less taxing cognitively than partner choice? Is Advanced Calculus less taxing as well?

I am just trying to see how you reconcile the fact that for the majority of human history women at age 25 have had multiple children and the fact that modern young people ages 20-25 successfully pursue graduate degrees with the claim that they have insufficient cognitive maturation.

Right. Because we have so many empty cells in jails that we must try very hard to find a way to criminalize more normal activity in order to populate those cells. And, we have absolutely no real problems - no terrorism, no drunk driving deaths, no nothing - so we must invent problems A.S.A.P. so that we can practice our problem-solving skills.

The thing is, there isn't a one age that fits all. People mature at different rates and it is often dependent on life experiences. You will find 22 year olds who are more mature than 32 year olds. There is no biological switch that goes off at a certain age and makes someone an adult.

That is very true. I hope that one day in the future there would be a test of brain functioning to determine if a teen is mature enough to drive. Since the maturation differs so widely, the current practice of basing driving eligibility solely on age and results of testing is very dangerous. With respect to the written driving test, I certainly could have passed it at age 7. The road test is, of course, more complex and a 7-year-old cannot pass it, but still, the internet is full of descriptions of routes that are used by each local DMV to test candidates for the driver's license. A teen can drive that route multiple times and learn every turn on it, but that does not mean that teen would be able to navigate a difficult and unpredictable situation on the road in RL.

All i know is that I'm very glad I dated a 45 year old when I was 20. My parents didn't approve and I moved in with him when I turned 22, out of state, since I met him online. He's not perfect, but he is perfect for me. Age is just a number, what really matters is how mature you want to be. How much hard work you're willing to put into your life and someone else's life. We have an age difference. So what, we have a hair difference and a height difference and a gender difference as well. Just differences. But I couldn't imagine my life without him. He does not have a fatherly role. It is not weird like that. He is a person, who happens to be 50. He's my best friend. So Yeah, I think it's ok for a 20 year old woman to date a 45 year old man, because it was ok for me. Is it even ok for some 20 year old women to date other 20 year old men? Sometimes that's not even healthy because the woman or the man might be abusive. So age is just a difference and not a really good indicator of compatibility.

Good point. I notice that people often bash men who date younger women based on the fact that the men are allegedly "just using them for sex". Actually, I would guess that a 20 year old guy would be more to likely be looking for "just sex" than a 45 year old guy. So if that's what the issue is then you should worry more about these girls dating guys their own age.

Of course, this is putting aside that young women are often just looking for sex, and they can make their own decisions and don't need society to protect them.

As most of you have probably seen, I asked a question identical to this one except switching the genders. On this question we have about 60% yes and 40% no, whereas on that other one it's 80% yes and 20% no. Yes it is true that this one has a larger sample size, but another thing I should point out is that as I've watched this topic recently, I've realized that the recent votes have been no. Another difference I should point out is that the people expressing their opposition when the man is older are much more outraged, as you can see, they describe it as "disturbing" and "wrong" whereas when the woman is older, it will be more along the lines of "maybe it's not the best idea". There is quite obviously a double standard. I feel like for many people the mere thought of an older man having access to a much younger woman fills them with anger, they see it as exploitation and think it ought to be illegal. When it's an older woman and a much younger man, they will say they think it's wrong just to be fair but it really doesn't bother them the slightest bit. People need to check their sexism and then come back to this topic.

No, it is not quite obviously a double standard. I am not saying that there is no double standard - I am saying that you are drawing unjustified conclusions claiming the existence of a double standard.

What do we know for sure?

Only one thing - that dating relationships when the woman is much younger than the man are still much more commonplace than the opposite kind. Because there are many such relationships, people might have formed opinions that make sense to them about such relationships. Most people know somebody or somebody's brother in such a relationship. That could fully explain why people are so much more opinionated - they have had a chance to form an opinion because of their own experiences and/or their observations.

A relationship between a 45 year old woman and a 20 year old man is for most people hypothetical. They have not been in one like that. They do not know anybody who has. So they have not formed an opinion and thus are much less likely to vote.

So the different in numbers might be fully explainable by the high prevalence of older man / younger woman couples than the other way around.

Or it might not.

But from the poll results it cannot be concluded that there is a double standard.

84 posts 13,242 views
Is it ok for a 45 year old woman to date a 20 year old guy

16 posts 229 views on the thread posing the reverse scenario.

The only thing one can conclude is that people are simply not interested in talking about older woman / younger man relationships. 229 views is nothing - not much different from zero.

Good point, you might be right to some extent, but I also want to point out that the poll with the older man younger woman scenario was posted over 2 years ago while mine was just posted last week.

Oh, I did not realize that. I thought that they were concurrent. Sure.

I just read an article on the yahoo front page bashing Robin Thicke for getting with a 19 year old girl at 38 and also for "allowing" 21 year old Miley to grind on him. The feminists will not be happy until no guy over 25 dates a young or beautiful woman.

Wishful thinking. They will find another reason to be unhappy.

Is it ok for a 45 yo woman to date a 20yo man? We all know the answer. Besides this issue I just cant see it being any more than a physical thing as being another generation ahead you have too little in common. You are an entire generation ahead of this girl.
P.s Ive had a couple if bfs 10 yrs+ younger myself and it all fizzles out becomes tiresome. I reakised I wasnt with equal minds.

My latest DV victim at work shared how over the last year she was suicidal almost daily because aside from the physical abuse from her husband (22 years her senior) there were plenty of hurtful remarks such as "You're getting older" "You have a lot of wrinkles" "You're lucky I noticed you when you were still pretty" etc. A man can be a jerk even to a much younger woman.

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None of that has anything to do with the guy being older. It would be just as likely to happen if the guy was the same age or younger.

It seems to me that there is this underlying attitude among people that older men "don't deserve" younger women, therefore if an older man mistreats his younger girlfriend, it is much worse than if he did it to a woman his own age or older. When a young woman mistreats her older boyfriend, many people basically tell him he got what he deserves, I have personally seen this in online discussions.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Her brain is not developed....his penis is in overdrive...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

A 45 year old man's penis is on overdrive? Really? What about 20 year old men?

IMO most women's issue with this has little to do with her brain and more to do with her hotness. They're imagining the 20 year old looks like Megan Fox. If she was overweight and plain looking, most women would have no problem with it.

ummmm the question was about an older man and a younger woman..no? So, 20 year old men have nothing to do with it, Right? If people just stayed within their age group, or at least their GENERATION, things would be soooooooooooo much easier. IMHO anyway.

Easier for who? I think it would be much easier for men if we did not limit our options to only women past a certain age, especially considering younger women are much more likely to be available.

I am 26 and I might end up going back to college, where I will be surrounded by 18-21 year old girls while I will be 27-28. It could certainly NOT be easier for me to only date girls over 24 or 25.

I replied to a similar thread you made about this a few weeks ago and while I won’t put down people that choose to have these relationships but at the age of 45 the bloke is old enough to be the Father of the 20 year old and is basically a cradle snatcher in my opinion.

Before my Father-in-Law passed away in 2009 he went through a major midlife crisis and was dating women younger than my Wife and it was disturbing to say the least especially when one of them was her childhood best friend.

Lol at the term "cradle snatcher". That's a typical hyperbole that society uses to present a certain image of men who date younger women.