Is it OK for a 45 year old man to date a 20-year-old woman?

workers' comp? You are in US (Pullman WA) - his job was required to carry workers' comp insurance. Why did it take ex so long to even get a lawyer?

a 25 year old dating an injured guy who cannot get this financial act together and who herself does not work... despicable. Also if he was that badly injured, there is disability insurance. It is just tricky, because disability insurance would not want to pay when workers' comp should pay - but that is what the lawyer is for. the ex and his gf are not married, which means that he is on his own taxes-wise and her income (if she gets a job) would not be counted towards supporting him. So he is basically a single, injured, disabled guy - he can move out, rent, get social services - why is he freeriding on your hospitality for heavens' sake???

PS Plus he has to support the daughters who are 15. So his place is not at your house but at the social services office and the social security office.

You say "family first" but you think it's ok that your daughters are not speaking to their own father simply because he broke a backwards social taboo. It sounds like you are putting backwards societal values ahead of family. It makes me really sad to think that maybe one of your daughters wants to have a relationship with her dad, but perhaps feels pressured by the rest of you. It really is a shame that things have to be that way. Personally, it rips me apart when my family members are mad at each other and not speaking. It just isn't right.

However, I imagine that if you dated a younger guy, it would not bother them so much. In fact, they might even give you a high five. I could be wrong, but I think the only reason they disapprove of their father dating younger women is because society has brainwashed them to believe that it is perverted and predatory for men to date younger women. Women dating younger men is not portrayed the same way. We have feminism to thank for that.

Anyways, why does it bother YOU so much that he's dating a younger woman? Do you still have feelings for him? If not, then why does it matter to you who he dates? Is it just jealousy? Would it bother you if she was 40 but was a youthful looking model? I'm not judging you btw.

No. There was a thread on this forum 1.5 years ago when 20-something daughters went completely and thoroughly mad when their mom, divorced by then, started dating younger guys, hosting parties with younger guests at her house, etc. I will try to find the thread in my email and post a link.

The premise of this prejudice is that certain people, within the age range that is viewed as appropriate for reproduction, are within their right to have sex with people of similar age, but before or after - no way. I will look for the thread.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/relat...s-divorce.html

From the thread you posted about the divorced mom, I got the impression that the kids were more upset because of the way she was acting towards them and their father and about the divorce in general. They do seem to get kinda judgmental by focusing out the fact that she's dating younger guys and hanging with younger people, but I don't think that's primarily what it's about.

But I agree, women are also judged for dating younger men. Society assigns roles to people based on their age and when people deviate from their role, they are judged. But I will say that when women get judged for it, it's not the same judgement that men get. They may be judged as weird or immature, but I am pretty sure they don't get judged as perverted or predatory the way men do.

It is funny you mention that Hamster Bamster.

With Christmas coming up my Wife and I have been receiving a lot of Christmas cards in the mail and I would say we both have a very large social circle. Some have been from people we only talk to once or twice a year but the fact they sent us a card and not an email like some cheapskates do nowadays means something to us because we like to hang them up with our Christmas decorations. With that being said most of my friends and people I work with are in their mid to late thirties and early forties and are married with kids but they wouldn’t date men that are old enough to be their Fathers if they were single and they believe men that want to date women young enough to be their daughters are suffering from a midlife crisis and this belief seems to be very widespread here in Australia.

When I look at it the other way my Mother is in her early sixties and I personally wouldn’t want to be with someone that age if I were single because when they are old enough to be my Mum then that is too old for me and that is not to say there is anything wrong with women around that age and I have met some women in their sixties at Church who are very friendly but they are just at different stages of their lives than me and we wouldn’t have much in common and it is the exact same reason that I wouldn’t date a woman in her early twenties and I think it is odd a 45 year old man would want to.

When i was in my twenties, i was with guys in their 40's. .. . it was unpoken, but i knew they wanted to get laid, and i knew i didn't want a long term commitment. . . . . it worked out rather well in the long run. . . and as well.. when i matured a bit, and wanted something more serious, i looked for a guy closer to my age. . .

Point taken.

Even as a "catch-all", beyond being a consideration for all people looking for relationships - as in considering what burdens the other person might bring to the table, it's just kind of overly generalizing when you lump a group of people together for any reason, whether based on age, ethnicity, physical specifics or otherwise. Not saying in some cases they are not valid reasons to avoid a relationship but just saying, really generally speaking I wouldn't write off a relationship with someone based on the age alone with those assumptions in mind. Depends on the couple, I still stand by that idea. I wouldn't go as far as saying it's entirely wrong or right to be more specific, but that it really depends on the people involved.

Addressing your points directly, if the younger person is attracted to the other person and loves them, age is likely not a factor as to why they are. If they are dating them (both directions) based on the fact that they are younger or older, as in if it's a big reason they chose them, then there is a problem. If an older person chooses solely mates that are +X number of years younger, it's a bad thing too. What I'm saying is age, for reasons of excluding others or including them is really a bad thing. Choose a mate that you're attracted to, get along with, love, and all the other factors and age will become a thing that isn't even an issue in any way.

I dunno if I make any sense, but just trying to clarify.

with physical problems all I'm saying is, yes if your chosen mate suffers from arthritis, or other physical ailments, it is up to you whether it's worth the risk and burden to get into a relationship. We as outsiders are not in the right to say in a general manner that it's not "fair" to the younger person for this reason. Fair is up to whether they find to be overly burdening them or not.

This rule really applies to anything, in my mind. Children, sickness, social groups, attractiveness... etc. All I'm saying is if it's ok with them and it's not "illegal", clearly no one should judge if it's right or wrong.

To me it sounds like it had nothing to do with age, once again, men looking for a superficial connection related to sex and no attachments or long term commitment come in all ages. granted, there may be other reasons that you chose older men at the time but the fact is you could have found just as many hook ups with men like that in your age group too. My point being, just because they were over 40 and looking for a 20 something, does not entirely mean that all men that like younger women are looking to get laid.

This is all a lot for me to process and handle. Because of previous incidents having her here is causing me to be triggered. I am extremely early in to receiving help with my mental issues and have no tools to work with. My ex has physical problems and it has been an extremely long frustrating road with l&i. He has always paid me back in the past and will when he starts getting money again. We wanted to raise our last set of twins together. It is hurting me that none of our children are talking to him and vice versa. The 14 yr old twins have no choice because we share a house. But they avoid him as much as possible. His gf is my bio brother to be ex wife and has been here since mid Sept. My bio brother asked us if we would help her get on her feet. She took advantage of situation and moved in.

Personally I would date someone closer to my age, within 5 yrs of my age. I want someone to grow old with me, that can share life. I wouldn't want to die and leave someone here hurting for a long time. I wouldn't want to hold someone back from experiencing life at their age when they should. As we get older we are not able to do things that we were once able to do 10/20 years ago. Why should we hold a s.o. back in life and not allow them the chance to grow? It's very selfish.

Again this is subjective and for your personal reasons it's fine but really comes down to what the couple wants and enjoys. There are many things a 20 something could enjoy that I sure as heck am not excluded from nor unable to partake in.

The only real factor here that I could say should be a big consideration is - the idea that one will leave this earth a lot earlier than a younger mate. That is something to think about.

But if you're looking for someone that can enjoy the same things as you, then look for that. Without assuming because someone older cannot do those things or even will stop being able to before you, simply find someone that fits your criteria. There are probably plenty of unhealthy 20 somethings that cannot do the same things as you, plenty of them that won't live nearly as long etc. Life, people and eveything just has too many factors to narrow your choice down to age. I mean don't choose based period.

That's how I look at it anyway.

Freud was a communist!!!!!!!!!! -- apology accepted HB-- Peace!!! and peace to my communist friends for putting up with a remnant cut-down from the 1980's... forgive me. :-)

Just felt like this thread needed to be brought back...

Why don't you make it more realistic to yourself & use your age so that you get a more accurate input?

Agreed...

Let's continue to beat the crap out of this dead horse...

Eventually it will turn to dust

Somebody else posted this. I posted another one like it except switching the genders. The idea was to demonstrate how there is a double standard. And so far, I have been successful. Look at the percentages in this poll, then look at the percentages in the other one.