Is it OK for a 45 year old man to date a 20-year-old woman?

m022576 · Apr 27, 2012, 09:14 PM

Is it OK for a 45 year old man to date a 20-year-old woman?

Why or why not?

I would prefer a professional therapist's thoughts, but I also welcome input from anyone.

IceCreamKid · Apr 28, 2012, 10:20 AM

Legally, sure. But my non-professional opinion is that middle-aged men who want to date 20 year women are likely to be emotionally stunted and more interested in females as sex objects than as living, breathing, aging equals. Sometimes people will try to argue "oh, I don't want to only date 20 year olds...I have just happened to find my soul mate in someone less than half my age..." to which I say if you really want what is best for a 20 year old, let her find a nice 20 year old to date and experience young adulthood with. I hope this helps.

Aslan · Apr 28, 2012, 02:22 PM

why would it be wrong

ba.ll.oo.n · Apr 28, 2012, 03:24 PM

Not all twenty-year-olds are mentally in their twenties (meaning they are more mature than their biological age would suggest).

But regardless, as long as both parties are aware of what they are going into, sure, why couldn't they be dating?

BDPpartner · Apr 28, 2012, 03:32 PM

I'm not a professional but there is a 15yr age gap between me and my partner. It can work but there are issues that have to be worked out first. The question of children is something should be addressed as should other life questions. It's also important to discuss whether you will be able to deal with negative attention from other people maybe even family members. There are many things to consider if you intend to become a committed couple. But most of all go into any relationship with your eyes open and willing to compromise. It can work, but it's not for the faint hearted. But then again no relationship is a bed of roses

shezbut · Apr 28, 2012, 10:16 PM

These days I have no freaking idea what is and isn't okay.

What it really comes down to is your own personal beliefs (both of you, and any children if you have them). There are physical consequences of the age difference. My ex-MIL was 15 years younger than her now deceased husband. She's just beginning her own Golden Years, but her partner of 45 years is gone.

Of course, prostate illness usually starts striking around age 45 or so. 50% of men do develop prostate cancer. A 20 year old often doesn't have a clue about all of the physical illnesses that pop up and devastate, both young and older generations. But as you get older, the occurrence rate grows. I would be sure to have an honest conversation with your gf about these things.

If she still loves you and wants you, and you feel the same towards her ~ go for it. I wish you the best of luck!

mommyof2girls · Apr 28, 2012, 10:20 PM

I personally feel that if both parties are ok with it then why not......I happen to love older men, and to me age is never an obstical...

krisakira · Apr 28, 2012, 10:20 PM

I am 23 and my boyfriend is 48. There are differences because of our ages, but we are compatible, love each other, get along, and it is not due to emotional instability. We have a healthy, long-term, live-in relationship that we both think could lead to marriage.

Apr 28, 2012, 10:30 PM

Why would a 20 year old want to be with a 45 yo and vice versa? It sounds like a situation full of psych issues from both parties and it is sad. As prince said. Act your age not your shoe size. There is wisdom in that. Run forrest run!

krisakira · Apr 28, 2012, 10:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rose Panachée

Why would a 20 year old want to be with a 45 yo? It sounds like a situation full of psych issues from both parties and it is sad. As prince said. Act your age not your shoe size. There is wisdom in that

Excuse me, but it is not always about psych issues. Two people can be compatible no matter what the age. Sure there are differences, but there are differences between people of the same age too. I want to be with Clay because of who he is. I got to know him and he got to know me. He is not even in it for the sex. He has a lower sex drive than I do. We are just two people in love. We did not choose our age. We chose to accept it, as a part of each other.

Apr 28, 2012, 10:47 PM

It's legal so you are okay there. There aren't many emotionally mature 20 year olds but I believe we could say the same about 30 year olds or 40 year olds.
"Okay" is a very vague and general term... so sure, it's okay.

BDPpartner · Apr 29, 2012, 04:16 AM

There isn't anything wrong with it, but unfortunately like i said in my earlier post. Facing the negative reactions from other people can be hurtful. But if the two of you are a strong loving couple you can just pity them for being narrow minded lol

As long as your both reading from the same page so to speak your relationship is gonna be as healthy as any other

Apr 29, 2012, 01:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by krisakira

Excuse me, but it is not always about psych issues. Two people can be compatible no matter what the age. Sure there are differences, but there are differences between people of the same age too. I want to be with Clay because of who he is. I got to know him and he got to know me. He is not even in it for the sex. He has a lower sex drive than I do. We are just two people in love. We did not choose our age. We chose to accept it, as a part of each other.

Sorry if you took offense to my opinion. I stand by my post though. There is too much of an age gap and he should know better. I do think it is very sad and he needs to grow up. Just as you need to learn all of your life lessons at your young age.

It isn't your fault. You are not expected to know what is what at your age even though you may feel like a grown up. Love is wonderful. I am all for it. But for a man over twice your age • He could be your father. I would dig deeper to really try to understand the sad dynamics that are going on here. Best of luck to you.

krisakira · Apr 29, 2012, 02:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rose Panachée

Sorry if you took offense to my opinion. I stand by my post though. There is too much of an age gap and he should know better. I do think it is very sad and he needs to grow up. Just as you need to learn all of your life lessons at your young age.

It isn't your fault. You are not expected to know what is what at your age even though you may feel like a grown up. Love is wonderful. I am all for it. But for a man over twice your age • He could be your father. I would dig deeper to really try to understand the sad dynamics that are going on here. Best of luck to you.

Of course I am going to take offense to both your posts! You are now telling me that my boyfriend needs to grow up, and that at my age I don't know "what is what." Our relationship works. You have no right to come to these conclusions about us when you don't know us. There are no "sad dynamics." We are just like any other couple.

Apr 29, 2012, 06:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by krisakira

Of course I am going to take offense to both your posts! You are now telling me that my boyfriend needs to grow up, and that at my age I don't know "what is what." Our relationship works. You have no right to come to these conclusions about us when you don't know us. There are no "sad dynamics." We are just like any other couple.

We do have every right to express our opinions. You asked for our thoughts just because you don't like what I wrote doesn't mean it is wrong,

furthermore I am not invalidating your feelings. I do believe you have feelings for each other.motivation and intent is a whole other thing. And I do question your 45 yo boyfriend and why he would engage in such behavior. My brother is around that age and if he were doing what this guy is doing I would have a serious talk with him. I have nieces your age and if I found out about such ridiculousness you can bet I would speak with them about it too. I wouldn't sugercoat it either and just tell them things Id think they'd want to hear

But I would also be there for them when things started going bad so yes It IS very sad.

Good luck.

krisakira · Apr 29, 2012, 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rose Panachée

We do have every right to express our opinions. You asked for our thoughts just because you don't like what I wrote doesn't mean it is wrong,

furthermore I am not invalidating your feelings. I do believe you have feelings for each other.motivation and intent is a whole other thing. And I do question your 45 yo boyfriend and why he would engage in such behavior. My brother is around that age and if he were doing what this guy is doing I would have a serious talk with him. I have nieces your age and if I found out about such ridiculousness you can bet I would speak with them about it too. I wouldn't sugercoat it either and just tell them things Id think they'd want to hear

But I would also be there for them when things started going bad so yes It IS very sad.

Good luck.

Sorry I am not the one who asked these questions... did not make this thread. I did not ask for any opinion. I am giving an example of a situation where that kind of age gap relationship actually works. You are coming to negative conclusions about me just because of my age, which is 23. That's what I did not like. A relationship with any ages can work, and have. Anyone should question motives in any relationship, and when you find out intentions are good, anything can work out.

Scotty204 · Apr 30, 2012, 02:12 PM

I wouldn't do it personally, my age range is 5-10 years younger or older max.

faerie_moon_x · Apr 30, 2012, 02:20 PM

Even though there may be "emotionally mature" 20 year olds out there (which sure there are,) that doesn't mean that a 20 year age gap works. Because it's more than just being "emotionally mature" in a relationship. The bigger the gab, the harder it is to keep a relationship going just due to pure experience in life. Plus, at 40 the physical issues begin, even people who are really healthy your health is much more likely to suddenly turn. I have a 50 year old boss who acts like she's in her 30s running around, but she's discovering that although she's been very healthy for her whole life her body is starting to turn on her.

Lastly, I agree with the first post. In most cases it has nothing to do with emotional maturity and everything to do with emotional immaturity and wanting to "go back in time." And seeing women only as objects, not people.

Trippin2.0 · Apr 30, 2012, 02:30 PM

I find it extremely odd that a 20y.o woman (who in most cases is barely a woman) and a 45y.o man are in the same space emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. Usually my answer would be, let the 20y.o live her life, and enjoy doing things 20y.os do,you've had your fun, allow her to have her's. Eg, my friend started dating someone, also in his 40's when she was 21, at first everything was fine, now they're in trouble coz at 24, she feels like she hasn't lived, now the poor man is stuck getting up in the middle of the night, driving her to and from nightclubs and house parties with her peers, or he risks losing her if he expresses his distaste for her new lifestyle... BUT, THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS TO THE 'RULE'... If this is one of those exceptions and the 2 of you are at a similar place in your lives, why not?
.
Goodluck

04:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by krisakira

Sorry I am not the one who asked these questions... did not make this thread. I did not ask for any opinion. I am giving an example of a situation where that kind of age gap relationship actually works. You are coming to negative conclusions about me just because of my age, which is 23. That's what I did not like. A relationship with any ages can work, and have. Anyone should question motives in any relationship, and when you find out intentions are good, anything can work out.

You are correct, a relationship with any age(s) can work and have.

But I question the parties involved when there is such an age gap.

Trippin2.0 · Apr 30, 2012, 03:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rose Panachée

You are correct, a relationship with any age(s) can work and have.

But I question the parties involved when there is such an age gap.
It's kind of pathetic on many levels.

Tell you what...I bet your father or a father-figure in your life is about your boyfriend's age. Ask him what he thinks about it. Good luck!

The friend I mentioned in my post above was 15 when her father died in a road accident, so I'm inclined to believe that there's some truth in what you say, and her dad would N0T have approved, nor mine for that matter. Still, regardless of my opinion, I'm sure it works for some, whatever the reason may be for embarking on such a journey in the first place.

Apr 30, 2012, 03:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

The friend I mentioned in my post above was 15 when her father died in a road accident, so I'm inclined to believe that there's some truth in what you say, and her dad would N0T have approved, nor mine for that matter. Still, regardless of my opinion, I'm sure it works for some, whatever the reason may be for embarking on such a journey in the first place.

So sorry for your loss. I didn't mean to trigger you.

Apr 30, 2012, 03:23 PM

It might work for some but I would never date anyone with such a huge age difference.

My brother dated a girl he was 42 and she was 16), Not sure if they are still together as I haven't seen them for years ( My abuser)

Anyway I kind of think why so young? Maybe if she was in her early 20's would it be different, I don't think so, She will be about 23 now and he 49 if still together, Still wrong, I think it is reputation.

Trippin2.0 · Apr 30, 2012, 03:24 PM

No worries RP, I don't trigger easy

Just wanted to touch on your response

faerie_moon_x · Apr 30, 2012, 03:42 PM

I knew a woman who was 42. She was dating a man who was 26, (they had dated for a few years, I think he might have been 24 or 25 at the start.) She swore up and down that they were soul mates and he just knew how to take care of her in ways her previous husbands of her own age never did. That he just "got her" and was spiritually on the same level.

Her own sons were 20 and 19 at the time.

I thought it was odd, but said nothing. I was thinking "Sure, you never know, I guess." Well, not long after I met them he freaked out, became very abusive and had to be physically removed from her home by one of her sons. He then went back to his previous girlfriend who was in her 20s, never to be heard from again. Today this woman, who was in such a relationship says "Yes, age does matter quite a bit. You can be blinded by love but as time goes on the relationship just falls apart because you're in different places."

Relationships are hard enough without adding to it, but everyone has the right to make their own choices and mistakes.

Menu

My Support Forums - Mental Health Support Groups

Get emotional support and friendship from others like you!

Our community offers: No spam. No trolls. No social media connections.

Is it OK for a 45 year old man to date a 20-year-old woman?

My Support Forums