[LizardQueen]

I have recently been diagnosed with GAD. I think this diagnosis may be wrong.

At the age of 16 I was seeing a man who was 26. I got home one night to find him in bed with someone else. I took and overdose.

Since then, every relationship I have had has been fraught with me being paranoid about what my partner is up to. I obsess over the idea that they are cheating on me.

I have images of my current bf with someone else. I constantly accuse him of lying and go through his phone, his internet history and even his ebay feedback to try and look for evidence. I have wild mood swings, I am calm and then have angry outbursts.

One minute I am feeling on top of the world, the next I am doubting myself. I have frequently shoplifted and have told lies to people to get attention or to get my own way. I do things I would not be happy with my partner doing, such as flirting with other men to get attention.

I disect every detail my boyfriend tells me in case there are inconsistencies. I hate it when he criticises me and blow up at the slightest thing. I have a massive fear of rejection and being left, I often leave people before they get the chance to hurt me. I push and push and push. My current bf is at his wits end and I dont know how to stop this destruction. I go over and over in my head about his ex girlfriends and how they must be better than me and that he might still want them.

I think and think and think about different scenarios of him cheating. I plan my next move, i.e. count the condoms in his bedside drawer, check his emails etc etc... I tell him these things and he says that I am the only girl he wants and he will stand by me and we can get through this together but I constantly find reasons why we should split up. Just today and decided that I couldnt cope with the long distance (hes an hour away) and he said he wasnt coming to see me this weds so i had a major tantrum and told him it was over. I finish with him repeatedly and he stands by me.

he spends £160 a month on petrol coming to see me so this tells me hes commited but I still cant get rid of the idea he is cheating.We split up last year and he went elsewhere for attention and lied to me about it. Now I wont let it lie and bring the lie up as my reason for not trusting him. I am losing a grip on what is my intuition and what is reality. I keep telling myself he must be cheating if I think it so much. The thoughts are in my head constantly. He phoned my from work to tell me he was giving a guy a lift home and I didnt belive him, I told him he must be taking a girl home but lying about it. There is no proof there whatsoever that he is cheating on me, why would he put so much effort in to this? My world is being ripped apart by me being so paranoid and insecure and I dont know what is wrong with me.

I was diagnosed with health anxiety last year becuase i was obsessed with my health ( i was single) then I met my current partner and my anxiety shifted to him cheating.I used to obsess about my kids getting ill too and would visit the doctor every week.

Please help.

[Leed]

Sweetie, it sounds like you have a GREAT guy there -- you don't want to lose him. You desperately need some therapy so you won't lose him.

Is there any way you can squeeze in some sessions with a therapist after classes? I KNOW there are therapists who hold evening hours for people who work & go to school. Can you do that? You really need to see one to get a handle on this obsessing. You have NO proof of his cheating -- and he's reassuring you that he's not. You've got to work on this so he doesn't throw in the towel, and get tired of being accused!

If he sees you're working on it, chances are very good he won't leave -- since he already told you he'd stand by you anyway. But everyone has their breaking point, so you've got to work to put a stop to this and therapy seems the best way to do this.

Please -- call tomorrow and make an appointment. You won't regret it. God bless & please take care -- and let us know of your progress from time to time, will you? Hugs, Lee

[LizardQueen]

How do I edit my post?

[Christina86]

Originally Posted by LizardQueen

How do I edit my post?

Good question! After a few hours the ability to edit your post disappears. If you want your post edited, you can either "report" it (hit the report button) and say what you wanted edited, or you can PM (message) one of the administrators or moderators - like me Cheers!

[Robtel]

Hi Lizard Queen,

I've just joined this site for my own reasons, but I saw your post so thought I would add my thoughts. Some of what I've struggled with in my relationship is not too disimilar to what you're partner might be feeling (although my sitution is under very different circumstances to yours)... but the point is, I can see it from his point of view to an extent. We've obviously only heard your side so, as far as he is concerned, I have to go on what you've said about him, but it certainly sounds like he loves and cares for you a great deal. If he was cheating on you, I can't imagine him putting in so much effort to, not only convince you, but more importantly to reassure you... like saying he will stand by you. That counts for so much and it demonstrates genuine love for you. As for lieing about finding comfort somewhere else when you split up - I'm not suprised - he is a guy and we approach intimacy differently from you girls! He needed some care and comfort that he was missing from you at the time, but of course he thought (like the stupid dumb blokes we all are!) that it would be worse to tell you about it. Did he come back to you?... is he still with you?... yes, and that's what counts.

If it was me, I think the best thing would be to be totally open with him - he knows this is a problem and has said he will stick by you, so why not discuss with him exactly what you feel you need to do. Tell him you are sorry, but you think about counting his condoms, checking his phone... by making it a normal topic of discussion you remove the one thing that is so unhealthy and distructive - the deceit. It almost takes the power out of it and may even bring you closer. Communication is the key I think.. that and mutual love. It sounds like you both have the latter in abundance.

[LizardQueen]

Hi Rob,

Thanks so much for your kind words. I do tell him everything. He knows I check and he knows I go through his phone. He doesnt ever react, he just tells me I should have just asked him first. He gave me permission to look through his house if I wanted and the funny thing is, once he said that it didnt seem as important anymore. You are exactly right, he must love me very much, which I do him. When I am in a rational frame of mind I know this and I sometimes cry because I realise this to be the case. But when my insecurities/anxieties/obsessions take over all I can seem to think is that hes out to hurt me, that there can be no way he loves me as much as he says he does and that why the hell would he want to stay with me when i am such a nightmare (to put it mildly). My defense is to run away and leave him because this stops my hurting. Wrong I know because if I just let myself love him and let him love me then things would feel more secure anyway.

Thanks again, and to be fair, I wouldnt say you were stupid or dumb!