[DespondentDaisy]

We've been hanging out a lot lately. He'dbeen drinking and said he still loved me and I told him I still loved him too. And honestly I do. I remember the reasons why I broke up with him. I still love him, but I don't want to be in a relationship with him. I don't know how to explain it exactly without getting into it all (the whole story of it all) but basically, I feel like I could date him again. But I'm sorta seeing someone else right now, but I'm thinking of ending it with him because it's more of an on again off again relationship and I keep going back more for the company(loneliness) rather than because of a real connection. Though sometimes I feel a real connection with him too, but it's never been easy, he's too distant. I don't have too many friends at the moment. Things used to be different, I've become too reclusive in recent years. Anyway, that's another story. So now I'm at a loss as to what I'm doing. I feel so confused. I want to be with him(my most recent ex that just called me) without really being exclusive. That goes against everything I believe which is also confounding. I told him we can talk again next time we see each other, but I really don't know how to explain how I feel. I'll sleep on it, but no guarantees that will help any.

[Perna]

I think you need to pay attention to (1) he'd been drinking and, (2) you don't want to be in a relationship with him.

Originally Posted by Perna

I think you need to pay attention to (1) he'd been drinking and, (2) you don't want to be in a relationship with him.

+1 ...that's what I was thinking but didn't want to say it.

[Astonmartin]

This reminds me of me an my ex gf...we still do texting but that's about it...not too get off my point I'm trying too make I'd like too say that some men are like that we drink an inlove all over again,but as soon as its out of the system ,I'm like ..wot the hell did a said the nite before then ill be distant too,soo wot I'm saying it could be the alcohol tawking.

[DespondentDaisy]

Yeah, and he sends me good morning text in the mornings a lot, so I don't think it's just the alcohol. He's told me when he was sober he wishes we were still together. But I think you guys have made a good point. I need to remain a friend, but may have to be more distant because it's hard when we're always hanging out, but he's a good friend too- but he does still act like a boyfriend. Hr's really sweet. I guess I should keep my distance a bit?

[LadyShadow]

You know what you think is best. What ever is healthy for you. If you know he's no good for you, keep your distance. Loving someone who drinks a lot is hard. My dad was like that for many years and I have NO IDEA how my mom dealt with it. You know what you have to do. Be with someone who wants to be healthy and lead a clean life like you do.

[DespondentDaisy]

I've actually gotten back together with him. I realized I couldn't live without him. Though I'm not going to have him move in. I think that we did that too soon. I've never lived with someone before. Sure I've stayed at a bf;'s place ever so often and vice versa, but I've never straight up lived with someone. We moved in within a few months of being together. I need my space, but I still love him. He's actually very healthy, he drinks maybe once a week and goes to the gym 3 to 4 days a week. My problem is a trust issue and a fear of commitment from past hurt. It's hard for me to let people in. Working things out with him will be good for my my soul because I felt like I was going crazy without him and I think he was too a bit, that's why he was drinking a bit more. I worried a lot about him. I realized I didn't know how to ask him to move out without upsetting him which led me to wonder about why I wanted him to move out and then I thought perhaps it's because things aren't working out and would'nt work out with him eventually in the end.
Essentially it was self-sabotage. I realize now that I have a lot of relationship baggage that I still need to deal with and work through and that jumping right in to a living situation with him was the wrong move.
I need to still be able to find myself and have my own space to think and recharge (I'm more of an introvert) without having him there all the time. I know that may sound weird to some people, but that's just how I am. I think I've always been like that, sort of a loner.
I also miss him the nights he's not here but I know it's best he's not here because otherwise I know I would jsut spend time with him and never work on starting a new career, which I so desparately need. Maybe down the road we can move in somewhere again, but it'll have to be a much bigger place.