[sweetandsour]

i feel empty no i am empty of emotions. i wonder will my life just go on like this and i'll die not knowing what it feels like to be in love for good..
i had an arranged marriage i've dated several guys before that and with each one thought that yes this is true love but finally things would turn out wrong.
i accepted my husband becoz at that time my ex (who was my bf at that time) we had a fight and were not talking. wen my husband came with his propsal i accepted and in the family where i am i had to go ahead with that.
my bf cried a lot asked me to come back but i was commited and didnt. we still in contact and we miss each other. but with time that pain eased as i knew i made the wrong choice but i had commitments.
now i recently came to knw my husband cheated on me and me even if i was tempted to do that with my ex i stayed loyal to my marriage. now i come to think why i didnt do it..
i broken to pieces i have a little daughter (it was during my pregnacy that i got hints about his infidelity) for whom i have to live and keep smiling but thats not MY life. i want to be in love again and enjoy know all the magical things love brings and be happy..but...........i know i'll die with that wish becoz my responsibility is first.
i wanted to divorce but the effect it will have on my daughter made me bak out and my husband cried a lot saying he repents and that he loves me bla bla bla..but i don't feel anything for him apart hatred and anger..
wat an interesting life to live wer u have no motivation no feelings nothing.

[shezbut]

I'm very sorry to hear about the situation you find yourself living in, sweetandsour.

Western culture is very different than the one that you find yourself living in ~ have you ever talked with friends or family about your unhappiness and the situation you're in? Is the man considered to be "the boss", and his desires rule the home? Or do you have somewhat of a say in things? I can't imagine your life getting much happier until you are able to have some say in the future.

I do understand your hesitation to end the relationship, in fear of your daughter being emotionally hurt. It is a tough position, no doubt about it. Children are very astute though. While you may never come out with your angry feelings towards your husband, I can imagine that there is an emotional tension between the two of you. Children are able to pick up on that reality at a very young age though. Children's lives naturally revolve around them, and they automatically blame themselves for the tension, anger, resentment, etc. that is or isn't spoken of.

I wish you and your daughter the very best ~ I hope that you're able to find some hope and happiness in this world.

[Perna]

It is not wrong to want love but it does not just come on its own accord. You have seen with your past boyfriends (and your husband's affair) how, when you just let things develop on their own, they do not grow strong or healthy but are like weeds. You have to cultivate love, plant it deliberately and care for it.

Can you talk to your husband, make a plan with him and start again, weed and plant together?

[athena2011]

Originally Posted by Perna

It is not wrong to want love but it does not just come on its own accord. You have seen with your past boyfriends (and your husband's affair) how, when you just let things develop on their own, they do not grow strong or healthy but are like weeds. You have to cultivate love, plant it deliberately and care for it.

Can you talk to your husband, make a plan with him and start again, weed and plant together?

I totally agree with this. But what is your gut reaction to these words? A) Yes, I think I could grow to love him, I want to try to do this or B) I hate him, I honestly feel he's an awful person, and he's not worth the effort.

Your answer will tell you which route you need to take. But don't wait too long. If you stay on the course you are on, things will go from bad to worse.

[sweetandsour]

Yep Shezbut where i live the mind set is very traditional and we just have to live with that i should be very daring to go against those to finally end up alone without support which will make my life worst.
perna and athena to ease things i know i should try move on with my husband but when the thoughts and messages of his infidelity comes to my mind i just want to leave everything and make his life hell and in so doing i'm also destroying myself.
he says he cares and loves but he has a weird way of ahowing it or rather he shows it only when he wants to like love making its rare that he's do the first approach and i feel cheap when doing the first step not ot say that after the infidelity event i feel like waste after doing it and cries inside that i got a used person when i myself kept me well..
i know i'm suffocating inside and i often just be silent instead of speaking out my thoughts about him specially. so he mostly don't know how much hurt and hatred i am inside.
he won't change and i doubt once he thinks things settled he'll get back to cheating again..