[The sphinx27]

Everyday I ask myself that question. I had what I thought was the women I would marry. She at one time pushed me to get married. We were together almost 4 years we have 2 great girls. We bought a home. Everything was perfect. Prior to our first being born I got addicted to opiates. I was on them about 2 years when I finally told her. Of course she and I both were upset. But she stood by me. Lucky for me she still did trust me. I never lied hurt or did anything wrong to her so she knew I was just addicted. I went and got help. Everything was perfect again. I could not ask for a better life. Then last December the day before our second daughters first birthday out of the bile she said she did not love me anymore. You want to talk about the worst day of my life and the most crushing and devastating thing that ever happened to me. Within 2 hours of her telling me she was gone. Of course I relapsed I wanted to kill myself. I just could not stand it. You all know what how that feeling is. So obviously I got extremely depressed ( I had a previous diagnoses of ADHD and clinical depression from years ago as you can tell by being diagnosed clinical depression which is now major depressive disorder). I always kept hope that she would come back. I mean Im the father of her children I never cheated,never hit her,never verbally abused her would buy her anything she wanted. You know I thought that I was the ideal fiancé. I kept the hope but I knew deep down it would be no time before she got with another guy. Her whole life she had always had a boyfriend. Every guy she was ever with she left for somebody else and that is very true. A few weeks after she left me she told me she had feelings for her x boyfriend. Of course the first thing I said was I knew it was for somebody else,I f****** knew it. Well she did not wind up getting back with him. And last night I found out why. I went to where she was staying and she was there and so was a fancy expensive car. I did not go inside. But I knew what was going on. I texed her and told her I had something important to tell her but I saw she was with her boyfriend and did not bother. And she confirmed it. It's her new boyfriend. Just 5 months after leaving me she almost got with her x. And now she is dating some guy with money. She swears it's not about money but what girl would admit that she is attracted to the money? Not very many would. I know it's not all about the money. But the fact she is giving somebody she just met a chance to be with her and make her happy and she could not even talk to me and tell me she was not happy and try to give our family a chance. Nope she could not do it. She refused to even talk to me before she left. How can a girl leave somebody who is the father of there children,have a home with,you know how much he loves you that he would die for you or the kids. How can a girl not even give somebody like that a chance? But they can give somebody they just met a chance? The way I see it she did not even make a effort to save our family because the two most important things to her just happen to be the two things that I can't fix. She lost the attraction for me and I don't make enough money to make her happy. Little does she even think about the fact that I contribute 700 dollars a month in her financial responsibilities ( that is half of our house payment each month we are both on the loan). How can this be so easy on somebody? How? How can you leave your fiancé and father of your children and just like that get with somebody else?how can people be so f****** heartless and cruel? How can you take the kids from there home and there loving father and bring somebody else in there life just like that? Needless to say I have relapsed again today. I just don't care anymore. I hate the world I hate the people in it and I hate myself. And no I don't choose drugs over my kids. I love them with all my hear and I see them as much as I can,about once a week is all I can see them because I work 50+ hours a week. I don't use around them or anything. But I just hurt way to much. She is starting a new family and it feels like I'm not daddy anymore. Just the father and I think there is a difference. It rips me up inside to know that another guy is going to be the main guy in there life. He will be there for all the important things. He gets to see them everyday. He gets to go on vacation with them he gets to watch them grow up. I'm left with nothing. I seriously have no friends but one. My family does not live around here. I go to work and I come home to nothing everyday nothing! Somebody tell me how can women do this? Don't get me wrong I know guys have done this to there girlfriend also so I know it's not just women. But how can a person do this? For practically no reason at all? I have told her how depressed I feel and told her that I have had thoughts of suicide and I wish I did not do that it was a mistake. Because of course she now thinks I only said it for attention and to make her feel bad. I said it because it's how I feel. And yes I really wish I did not tell her and I won't again. I don't know anymore. I just don't know. I have only had 2 real girlfriends in my live and they both left me. I don't know what's so wrong with me. But I have to think I'm just not a attractive person and to most women thats the most important thing admit it or not. I am just as nice as can be to people I do talk to. But any girl I show some feelings for they want nothing to do with it. One girl I kind of liked tells me how up happy she is with her relationship and that he verbally and physically abuses her and I have seen marks on her. She talks to me about everything and I mean everything. But she would not even give me a chance either. Is that it? Are looks the most important thing to women? I know you have to be attracted to somebody to be with them. But it's like if you are the nicest person on earth and would take care of the person you are with. It's like you can't have a chance if your not hot. I see all these pretty girls with these piece of s*** guys that hit them and treat them so bad but they won't leave them. And I think it's because they are attracted to them and looks are deceiving. I hAve just had it with my life. I'm not good enough for anybody no matter what I do. And I'm not going to be alone forever. And I don't mean just in a relationship but even somebody to talk to I don't even have that. I just give up. Thanks to anyone who reads this. I guess I needed to vent.

Where have you been all my life? You are a rare male... no, "all" women ain't like that.
It's kinda like this... I finally figured it out myself! I'm an old woman...lol......."Some people (not gender specific here)

Mistake kindness for weakness."

Some women just want someone like you, just want to be loved, they want a friend... you will find someone. I know it.

You are a rare one,,, please do not sell yourself short? ~~~~~~~pax, theo

[The sphinx27]

Thank you! I just can't believe how ungreatful people are. How can 2 kids,your own home,I made enough money to make sure all bills were paid the Kids had what they needed. And I still had enough that I would buy her anying she wanted. And it was not good enough. That last time I talked to her I told her,Iam sorry I failed you,I'm sorry I'm not good enough for you,I'm sorry I failed our family. Yea I do have depression,I have bad self esteem but Im not a bad person. Yea I did mess up and did drugs but even with that. I made sure the bills were paid the kids were ok and she was ok. And yes I used them for relief. I don't know how to explain this but I feel like I'm the worst looking person on earth,but I don't think I'm that bad does that make sense? I'm 5'9 160 lbs short hair and goatee. But I guess the fact I have had 2 girlfriends that both left me for what I think was no reason at all except for they thought they could do better. Everyday I ask myself. What is so wrong with me? What did I do so wrong? How could the mother of my children do this to me? I don't understand

[LadyShadow]

I don't know what to say. I mean I don't know how she could leave you. I don't have those answers. All I can say is that it all isn't about looks for me. It's about someone to talk to and be there for me every night. My boyfriend isn't the most handsome man in the world, but I love him deeply. He never hit me or abused me, and he doesn't buy me expensive things. In fact, he believes in a $20 minimum for gifts which is fine with me. I give him as much as I can, and don't expect nothing from him. I have loved men so deeply and always felt fat and ugly and not good enough either. But I found someone, and you can too.

[Leed]

Sphinx -- it's NOT about YOU. With this "woman" it was about money! All she wanted was more, more, more. She couldn't get enough of THINGS. It wouldn't have mattered if the guy looked like Quasi Modo! If he had lots of money, she would have gone to him.

And I wouldn't call her a "mother" either. She just bore you children. Any real MOTHER would not lug her children from man to man to man. That's horrible to do to kids. They don't know WHERE they belong or to whom! And they sure won't respect their mother when they're old enough to know what's going on.

If you can, try to get custody of these kids! They need a STABLE home --one where they KNOW their parent LOVES them. I doubt they have that idea now. I know you have troubles of your own, but it's got to be better than what they're experiencing now. Get yourself CLEAN -- and try to get those kids before the State takes them! They will, you know.

I wish you the very best -- you will find someone MUCH better than this bozo. She's not WORTHY of you!!! Not all women are like this. There are MANY great gals out there who would love a man like you! God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee

[The sphinx27]

I thank you all for reading my post and making the time to send a response. That does mean something to me. I hope all this suffering ends soon. It's pretty much unbearable. I have to live in our house ( don't get me wrong it's a beautiful house that I should be grateful for) with nothing but memories all over the place. I was cleaning the other day and I found one of my daughters socks under the couch and I had to stop and sit down just to gather myself,something that little hurt me and almost made me break down. I don't know what's going to happen. All I know is we are over. And I'm pretty much right back where I was prior to meeting her. Nothing. Just nothing. I know its not just nothing as I have two great kids. And I love them very much. But when you can only see them once every 1-2 weeks because you have to work so much ( min.10 hours a day and almost a hour drive just to get there ) it just feels like my life is nothing.

[essexgirl]

Hello the sphinx that is horrible the way that girl treated you. You deserve better. . I hope u manage to see your kids more. You have a strong case. Your a lovely person. xxx

[The sphinx27]

Thank you essexgirl. And everyone else. I never would of thought that internal pain would hurt more then physical pain. But it sure does

[Bella01]

You just have to remember that you are those girls daddy and they love you no matter what.

[Mayflower7]

Hi,
So sorry all this is happening, very hard for both of you.
I hope find someone too, and can keep in regular contact with the children.
Everybody's special, and try to find some more enjoyment in your life if possible. By doing hobbies/interests you enjoy.
Take care
Kate

[The sphinx27]

Thank you, I will always remember my girls. And I will see them as much as I can. Those girls probably saved my life. And that is the only time i have made that statement and will be the only time I ever will. You know what else worries me? If I ever meet somebody else. I'm going to have trust issues and it won't be there fault it will be mine. How can I ever feel like somebody can love me again if I thought I had that person and in a matter of two hours gave up almost 4 years and a family. I just don't know how I will ever believe it if somebody tells me they love me. I will always have in the back of my mind that there is always somebody better then me. I hate thinking that but I can't help but feel that is true and it may screw up any potential relationship I may have in the future