[ivalice82]

I'm not really looking for any advice, I guess I just need to vent.

My friend and I had a pretty serious talk. She said that I'm possessive, that I get jealous when she's with other people, and that it bugs me when we don't talk. And this bothers her. She's wrong, but right to a certain extent. It only bothers me in certain situations and if it changes things between us.

I'm not jealous when she's with other people. But it does bother me a bit when I get thrown aside for someone else and I'm told I have no reason to feel bad. There was a time when she and I were having lunch and a friend of hers came and invited himself. After a while of this happening, she stopped talking to me completely and we stopped having lunch together for about three months. It doesn't get to me when we don't talk for a day or two. But it does bother me a bit when I'd like someone to talk to and she tells me I shouldn't be upset because she can't always be there and I should have other friends. And sure I'll admit it does feel a bit strange, but wouldn't you find it a bit off when someone you talk to every day suddenly stops? I know she'd find it weird if I stopped responding.

I've always done my best to be there for her whenever she needed me, whether it was 3 in the morning and she just needed someone to talk to or if she needed help in class. But sometimes I can't help but feel like I'd never get the same..although I admit that could just be in my imagination. It's just..if it were me, I would say we'll still hang out during our usual time and I'll be having lunch with another person another time, nothing will change between us. I would say if you ever feel like you need someone to talk to, send me a message or call me if I'm not online, if I don't answer right away I promise I will as soon as I can. I've convinced myself that I'm just EXTREMELY weird and that I should never expect people to do the things that I do. People don't answer their messages as fast as I do and things happen. Fine. I don't expect her to be there every single minute of the day. I don't ask her to. But is it too much to ask that she let me know if she changed her mind and isn't coming by to pick something up? Is it too much to ask to spare a few minutes one day because I'm feeling a bit down? I don't know, maybe it is.

I didn't mention anything because I know what will happen: I'm wrong, I'm unreasonable and I shouldn't feel this way. I'd hate to start a pointless conflict and make things worse so I'll just accept that I'm weird and go with it. I otherwise really value our friendship a lot and enjoy whatever time we spend together. But I guess my depression and past experiences are making me fearful. I'm afraid I must've done something to make her see me as a horrible person and feel like there is no hope for our friendship. I feel like once again I screwed up and she wants nothing to do with me anymore. I just wanted to be a good friend. I know she said things are ok, but I can't help but feel rotten about it. I just really hope I'm wrong and we'll forget about this and things will go back to normal soon...

[Leed]

You sound ALOT like me. I think I'm a good friend (when I HAVE friends, that is ). I try to be there for them whenever they need me, regardless of the time of day or night. If we have a date to meet for lunch, I always come - I don't stand anyone up. If I can't make it, I make SURE I let them know in plenty of time so they don't have to leave home. I always return phone calls as soon as I can, etc. So I'm like you. I try to be a good friend.

So I kind of expect the same in return -- I don't think that's too much to expect, ya know??? And maybe like you said, I might be weird. But I was brought up to be courteous and I guess that's how I think people should be.

I DO get walked all over alot tho. LOL And that's MY fault for allowing it.

I don't think you're wrong or unreasonable. Maybe you and I are just too "nice." LOL Maybe we DO expect a little too much, I don't know. But at least our friends know they can count on us, right? And maybe we're too "thin skinned" cause I get hurt easily, and perhaps you do too?

I hope you two will be okay soon, and things will be forgotten. Good friends are too hard to come by. God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

[ivalice82]

Thanks for your reply Leed.

Maybe I am too "thin skinned" or something, I'm not sure. I just tell myself now that I shouldn't expect people to be there whenever I need them because it's too much to ask for. I personally wouldn't do the same, but that's just me. Either way, it means too much to me to throw everything away just for that. I just hope I haven't done so much damage that it can't be fixed now. I really hope I'm overreacting and I'm waiting for the day that everything goes back to normal, if it will. Maybe it'll be soon.

[PsychGirl123]

I have the same problem. If my friends ever need anything, I'm there, no questions. Yet none of them seem to feel the same about me. I can't even get a damn email to ask how I'm doing. I always have to come to them.

I decided not to be on Facebook a while back because it was too much of a distraction and was sucking up free time when I needed to be productive in other parts of my life, and my friends all basically act like I fell off the face of the earth and don't exist. I AM the one to text and ask how they are doing. I AM the one to send an email just to say hi or see if they are free for coffee. But no one seems to care what's going on in my life, at all. I'm on an online chat service, but most dont bother to chat at all.

Are we expecting too much? I don't think so. I am a little thin skinned I'll admit, but when friends of 10+ years don't bother to check in and see how life is, is makes you feel pretty worthless to them. I know my worth shouldn't be determined by other people, but when multiple people toss you aside like you're worth so little, well for me, it's hard to think I'm worth being their friend, and I find myself feeling like I'm not good enough for them. I don't really have a family, so my friends are important to me, and so is sustaining those relationships. I've tried just leaving them alone for a while, and no, it doesn't change anything. They still don't keep in touch. I don't have one friend who I could just pick up the phone and talk to and when I've tried, they'll throw in a, "uh, I gotta go..."
It's heartbreaking, to be honest.

I wish I did have a good girlfriend who was always there Leed is right. Good friends ARE hard to come by. Sigh* I guess we just have to focus on our own lives. Maybe they'll miss us and realize what good friends we are. Maybe not :\

[ivalice82]

PsychGirl123, I find myself feeling the same way. I don't have anyone who I can just call and talk to, not without coming off as clingy and annoying. Now I can't talk to anyone because they're "busy." It's one of the things I don't understand but I don't say anything because I'm just going to be told I don't make any sense. I would never tell someone I'm so busy and I won't be able to talk. Sure I've had three tests the next day and homework to do but I still made time to be there. But I'm just crazy, aren't I?

[aiv713]

Its so nice to know that I'm not the only one to loose friends because I was a good friend. . I am a good friend, I will answer you call or text at any time, I will send you a message to see how you're doing. But do I get anything in return nope. When my fiance' was in the P hospital I called my all time best friend and she knew why I was calling cause I needed a friend and she didn't have time would call me back......3 yrs later the phone has never rang, but look at our facebook pages and you'd think we talked all the time. IT's BS that people are so wrapped up in themselves they don't have time for friends. I'm thin skinned too, but geez.

I actually lost one of by best friends because she was jealous of my fiance' who is now her brother in law. She was engaged to my fiance's brother and when my fiance' moved in to be a roommate, (it was me, her and her boyfriend, my fiance's brother) she decided she wanted to be with him and actually told me he was off limits, anyhow...6 yrs later, we don't talk, the brothers don't talk because of her and she has made my god daughter (her daughter) cut all ties with me. breaks my heart, but such is life.