[ThisIsMe0557]

My boyfriend really hounds me about my past. Especially past relationships or male and even female encounters I may have had in the past. I am bisexual and I used to be promiscuous but that was yeats ago in my teens. I'm 25 now. I have done a lot of tjings that I do regret because I didn't care about myself. My mom passed away whn I was 13 and I went through a stage where I jus didn't care. I tried to explain that to him but it's irrelevant to him. The berating has become so bad that I'm considering ending the relationship. He told me that I need to forgive myself for what I've done in the past but how can I do that when he never lets me forget about it and makes me feel less of a person because of it? I feel so bad about myself and any advice would be endlessly appreciated! Thanx.

[Trippin2.0]

If it was my bf? I'd get rid of him. He's not helpful at all, he's actually hurtful! He won't let it go you know, that I can tell you... So sorry you're going thru such crap

[ThisIsMe0557]

Thanx trip...I just can't understand y he could b so hurtful. We have a child
together and one on the way and he says he loves me but does things like calling me a lying ***** publicly. He just said he doesn't care if our relationship succeeds or fails. He aaid he cany trust me and all I do is lie even tho I never lied! So I just decided when I get up for work in the morning I'm going to pack my things and leave.ill be homeless but ill be ok.thanx and wish me luck

[Free_at_last]

You're in a heavy situation.

What would happen if you and the child move away? Do you fear being beaten?

Do you have any friends, or has your abusive husband run them off? If not, see if any of them could rent you a room.

Don't hesitate to contact a battered women's center in your town.

Best of good fortune,
Terri

[ThisIsMe0557]

I already contacted all of our shelters and they're full. My mom passed away me and my dad don't speak and my sister is in jail. I have no options but to stay or leave. At this point I'd rather live under a bridge than to keep going through this mental anguish.

[Trippin2.0]

I really wish your options weren't so ******, but I share your bridge sentiment. Find out if you can stay at a family member's place, like a cousin, or an old friend. If you co-own the place you live in now, pack HIS clothes and leave them outside door (IF he's not the violent type). He's got NO right calling you such filthy names! No reason to disrespect you and treat you like dirt. I'm really sorry, this must be so difficult for you, but I'll be here every step of the way. Goodluck

[Leed]

Sweetie, you've got a child on the way -- you've GOT to think of your health! It would be better if you stayed and made HIM leave!! Can you do that? Since HE is the one that doesn't care about the relationship, tell him to pack his bags -- I'm sure HE can find a place to stay easier than you can, since you have a child!!!

It would be too easy for you to become ill -- like if you stayed in a shelter, catching something from someone else would be very easy. Many people come in with colds, flu, viruses of all kinds and for you to get sick right now would NOT be good! You've got to think of the baby.

So can you get him to leave? Are you able to pay the rent or can you get help? I wish you the very best! Make sure he give you monthly support for the child you already have! He HAS to, whether or not the court orders it. And make sure you go to Friend of the court and get a court order too! Hugs, Lee

[ThisIsMe0557]

Thanx guys for all your advice! unfortunately we live with his uncle so putting him out is an impossibility. Its ok though...its five am where I'm at and I'm already gone. I just packed and left. I'm gonna jus sit in my car (I'm parked at Walmart in case he comes looking for me, yes he can get violent) but I only have 3 hrs til I have to be at work so ill be ok. I really want to thank all of you for your kind words. I don't hear nice things that much and you guys made me cry hysterically because u made me actually have hope in myself again. Thank you very much. Your words are in my heart and will never be forgotten! !! :-) GOD BLESS and ill keep u guys updated with what happens next. With the kind of person he is..my attempt to leave peacefully will not be peaceful here soon. I jus know that me and my babies deserve better..and I think I'm starting to believe we deserve better. Again thank u sooooo much

[Trippin2.0]

You and your babies DO deserve MUCH better! That is a FACT, have you figured out what your next step is? Where you're going after work? Please stay safe, I have a violent x, and I know how ugly a break-up can get with such a character. If he has been threatening towards you, maybe you could go to the local police station and explain your situation, they might be able to point you in the right direction

[ThisIsMe0557]

Actually the lady that babysits my kids just offered me a free room with her til I get on my feet again. Come to find out she has been hoping I would leave him. Turns out she just never said anything. I guess ill b ok. This is gonna b rough cuz I know the ugly part is still to come but for my mental stability (I suffer from depression and bipolar) I just have to give it to God for now and pray for the best. Thanx to all for your support!!! I love u!!!!

[Leed]

Trippin is right! Perhaps you'd better get an Order of Protection too! That way he isn't supposed to get anywhere near you. If he does, he can get arrested! Do please do that, if he's violent. You have your child, and your unborn baby to think about!

Where will you go tonight after work? Do you know? You cannot sleep in your car! That would be TOO DANGEROUS! What if he found you? You would have no protection from him!

Please update us when you can, ok? In the meantime, you're in my prayers. God bless & take care! Hugs, Lee

[Trippin2.0]

God bless your babysitter!!! Thanks for letting us know where you'll be staying. But PLEASE be very careful. I know what you mean about the bipolar, I hear you, but with the right support you CAN and WILL emerge victorious. I am SO proud of you, I really ADMIRE what you are doing for you AND your babies

[aiv713]

So glad you and the baby got out and have a place to stay. Your babysitter is a godsend. Take care and keep us posted.

[Leed]

Thank goodness for babysitters!! Now you have somewhere to go! Is it near where your husband lives? Like I said, you might STILL want to get an order of protection against him just to be safe!

I'm so glad you have a place to go now! I feel MUCH better now. I was afraid you'd be sleeping in your car! Take care & keep us posted ok? Hugs, Lee

[ThisIsMe0557]

Thanks everyone! !! I'm so glad it all worked out...I just got off wrk n I'm at my babysitter house now...she was very welcoming and just as kind as you guys thanks for all of your support...I needed it like air! Luv u!!!

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

I've dealt with this before and am on the other end of the spectrum now. But I would never "hound" my fiance over it. My ex, and he's my ex for very good cause, was a jerk about my past. And considering it isn't that bad, although I do regret many things, would always make me feel HORRIBLE about it. I was constantly a "*****" when to this day I can count the ammount of people on one hand. And could even count the ammount of people I've kissed under 10. But he was a jerk about everything, even guys that I had absolutely nothing physical with.

My fiance, his past gets to me from time to time. But I would never dream of making him feel guilty over it. And it only gets to me because we live in a very small town. Each one of his ex's we seem to have run into. Not to mention he did, in his past, have a substance abuse problem, very similar to my fathers. The only reason that I get upset, is because of my own insecurities and I know this. I feel insecure and it kind of makes my stomache turn running into these gorgeous girls. It makes me sick thinking about any woman with him, before or during me. But I trust him so I never allow these issues to carry into the relationship.

If your boyfriend is anything like me, or my ex, it's because he's insecure. He doesn't think he measures up and or he really can't get over the image of you being with anyone else. You can't really fix this. I trust my fiance 110% and he has for the last 2.5 years non stop said nothing but wonderful things to me to help build my confidence. But my confidence is MY confidence, something I have to fix, that no one else can fix.

There's not much advice I can give you, but know it's him he's got the problem with although he makes it out to be you. I wouldn't necessarily say to leave him because he's jealous over your past, but when he makes that jealousy turn hateful and makes you feel like a lesser person, perhaps reevaluating your relationship is a good thing. Or maybe being fully honest on how distructive his behaviour is. You can't build his confidence, that's for him to do.

I hope you've found some sort of peace in this, I know it can be horrible feeling like you're a bad person because your boyfriend says/thinks you are. But you didn't know him when you were doing these things, so you should have no reason to feel bad and he should have no reason to make you feel bad.

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

I just read your comments, sorry I'm late. You sound very similar to me 3 years ago. I ended up homeless living in my car. But it was the best decision I ever made. Hopefully you wont end up under those circumstances, but even though I lived in my car for 6 months, and during those 6 months, it just so happened to be the first winter it snowed here since 1989, but every night I felt so much happier going to bed in my car than I did next to him.

Luckily my daughter had a place to sleep, but I slept in the driveway of that home because there was no room for me. But honestly, when you are free from a relationship as that, not many things seem bad after. I had it made financially, now I struggle with bills every day, but I honestly wouldn't change it for anything at all. I'm so much happier, I want less, and my daughter is so much happier. Things will get easy.

[Odee]

I am already sensitive about my sexuality even though I have a patient partner who is also my first.....but to be rejected by my partner for sexual actions I regret? That would be awful! I would just shut down my sexuality completely! I would not continue dating such a hurtful, jealous, and childish man.

I hope it all turns out okay. I can't imagine having to find a place to live with children in your situation.

[Trippin2.0]

Thanks for updating us! I'm so glad your babysitter is there for you!!

[Harley47]

Bless your babysitter. Please, please know I am keeping you in my prayers. I wish I could be of more help to you.

[chritine293]

I had an ex that would bring up the past a lot when ever we fought and it was always what I could have done or should have done, and at first it didn't bother me, but then I just felt worse and worse about everything even though I could not change anything I would hate my self for anything he said I did wrong.

Try talking to him and telling him how you feel and if it hurts your feelings, and if he still brings it up, he's never going to change, and you don't deserve to be berated for something your not able to change.