Am I overthinking?

My girlfriend and I have been dating now for seven months. She told me when we first started talking she had more friends that were guys then were women. I didnt think about it to much until they start texting her all the time. Sometimes its just work related questions but most of the time its about wanting to get together or other chat that bothers me. One even asked if he could move in cause he has no place to live now for some reason. He also I guess told her things they could do sexually if he did. I could tell the other day that something was wrong cause she seemed a little distant and I knew she got an email from another guy the night before. I looked at her text and the same guy had talked about how he hadnt had sex lately and it was partially her fault cause she went and got a boyfriend. Her comment was she felt the same when he had a girlfriend. She always said there was never anything between them just friends. The conversation went on and her last comment was "no worries your still very much on my mind". Another had sent an email the other day that kinda suggested having some fun and asked how she was and if she was with a guy right now. She commented about how she was and that she just got back from movies and said she was laying in bed alone at the moment. She didnt answer his emails after that asked if she had to be in bed alone in the morning. We talked about it and she says loves me very much that im the only one she wants and doesnt like seeing me stressed because of it. After our talk I noticed the next day she put a passcode on her phone. My problem is and question of if I am thinking right is .... If she does love me as much as she says and doesnt want to se me stress over this stuff why hide things from me ? Why not just eliminate what is causing the problem?. To me its like trying to take care of the result not the cause. Its like for some reason she is afraid of letting these guys go because something may happen with us. I really love this woman and I dont want to give up. What if im just over thinking and cause this relationship to end because im wrong?

It seems to be that she's talking pretty inappropriately to these guys. If I was in a COMMITTED relationship with a guy I would NOT be talking like THAT to any other guys! I would NOT be talking to other guys, period! It seems like she's keeping guys on the back burner just in case! I dont think this girl is as committed as YOU are. I think you should re-examine this relationship and be SURE this is the one for you -- I just don't think she is going to be " faithful and true" forever. In fact, I'd be very careful. Very, very careful. Sorry, but she spells trouble. Hugs, Lee

have you tell her how this make you feel? especially after she put password on her phone after you two talking?

I told my bf the same thing when we started dating; I used to get along with guys more than girls. but I kept getting texts and calls from the other guys also I dated before him and he didn't like it. "How would I feel if he got suspicious texts and calls from girls i don't even know?" I did not do anything with them while I got in a relationship with my boyfriend but he had reasons to be suspicious.

You had a conversation with her, but it seems it still needs to be worked out. After letting her know how you feel, she shouldn't be talking to these men especially when you found out they talk about sex-related stuff. She isn't willing to change her behavior about being honest with you; she locked her phone after you talked about it, if she won't change, are you willing to accept that she does this, would you take a step back so you won't get hurt or feel too stressed about it?

That is how I have been thinking. I just wish there was a way I could know for sure. The feelings I have for her are more than I have ever had for anyone. We spend a lot of time together and really the times we are not together doesnt give much time if something was going on but still I cant get rid of the feeling shes hiding something.

She has been going to therapy with me lately and we did talk about the passcode before. She put one on once before after I told her I picked her phone up to see if a certain guy had sent her text. She had removed it but now has put it back on. I have been putting off having a talk about again. Im just afraid of overreacting.

I asked her before how she would feel if it was the other way around. Her response was she doesnt think that way that she trust me completly. When I change phones I didnt give my new number to any woman I used to talk to even ones I had never done anything with. Never wanted her to even have to have the thought that I was. She says she cant control what people text her and my response was yes you can and then her response is so you want me to get rid of my friends. I am afraid if I take a step back it will be a complete step. The last serious relationship I had we took a step back and she slept with someone during the step back then lied face to face to me about it. Then after she realized I knew her excuse was we werent together. I cant do that again. If I take a step back im done and I dont really want that. She is the first person ive really felt like I could be with forever. We work really well together with just about everything.

It sounds to me like your gf is insecure and needs her circle of guy friends to keep her ego in tact. It sounds like her relationship with these different guys is that they provide each other with a back up to message their fragile egos when or if a relationship doesn't work out. In other words, if this new relationship doesnt work out, I still have a male presence that will remind me that I am desirable, sexy, a supportive person, worthy to try again.

Often some girls have more "guy" friends because they provide more "fix it" and are not just "random and emotionally fragile" like an equal group of women freinds would be. Often women can be somewhat jealous and their advice can be based on some kind of shallowness because a girl might be "more attractive" to men and gets "more" opportunities at relationships.

Some girls also like to have male friends around so that if she encounters something in her relationship with a guy that she doesn't understand, well, she has a guy friend who may be able to interpret whatever she may not see.

However, I would be concerned about that sex talk because it sounds to me like she has some "friends with benefits" going on there.

I can't blame you for being concerned about this. And the fact that you looked at her private phone messages, that was invading her privacy. However, she should not be "hiding" things from you either. Sigh...we have so much technology today that it is hard not to look at another persons private conversations to see if you can trust that person.

Open Eyes