[doggiedo]

I got back together with him. I missed him and thought I made a mistake. What an idiot. Now, a week later, I'm regretting my decision. I feel like I am back to square one. Yesterday he was short with me bc he was having a bad day and I finally told him its not working for me. After I agreed to give it another shot.

I told him its not working for me. I don't love him as much as I should. He deserves better. He feels it's punishment for him being moody yesterday but I told him its more than that. It's that I miss him and then other times I don't. I don't want toe in a relationship I don't think.

He also thinks its because I upped my meds. Like that would mess with my decision making? Idk. I am trying to be clear with my words this time and saying yea, it is over. No, u didn't do anything. I feel like that will help him get on quicker and it's better to be clear with my feelings than leave them open to interpretation. Right?

Geeze, I still feel horrible. What do I do to move on? I've asked this a gazillion times, but I need some support. I now have the evening to do nothing but wallow. I broke up with him and it was the right decision, but I still broke his heart. I feel like a horrible person. I absolutely hate myself and I even hate myself for hating myself if that makes any sense!

I do have a counselor appt on Monday.

Do I just cry it out? Do I walk the dogs or go to the gym? Take a shower and try and clean it off? Idk, I just want to move on already.

[doggiedo]

I should edit the name of this thread. I wasn't sucked in, I did it myself. Can't blame him at all.

[lynn P.]

((doggiedo)) - on a lighter note...I almost typed doggiedodoo lol. I know you had another thread, so I missed why you wanted to break up? What are the reasons? Break ups are tough and for some its normal to flip flop with feelings and doubt. One minute you're confident and the next minute you doubt yourself. Also hard when you feel you lost your best friend too.

Its hard to think logically when you're all emotional. Maybe make a list of the pros and cons of the relationship .....whether this has a good future or not. In the meantime, stay away from getting intimate during this uncertain time, because this prevents both of you from making a logical mature decision. This way you won't continue feeling hurt and prolonging the grieving period. Some people can do the 'friends' thing but its a long process. Yes the 'lonely' creeps in at night doesn't it? Don't beat yourself up.

Hi ((((DD))) I am sorry. It's so hard to break up with someone and especially hard when they are also your best friend! You want to call them to tell them everything the "jerk" did so you will feel better...I can totally relate

Then to top it off, anxiety sends us running for the hills to safety. It also clouds our rational thinking, things gets distorted when we are panicked...it's hard to see the forest for the trees. And we are super hard on ourselves, doubt ourselves and are highly critical of our own decisions. It's all so confusing because we don't know WHY we ran for the hills.

I agree with Lynn that you should definitely give yourself some breathing room, please be gentle with yourself, and when you are feeling a little better, examine the pros and cons of the relationship. You broke up for a reason. What are those reasons? You needed to get away. Why?

Wth the recent Dx and change of meds, along with your upcoming T appointment, perhaps you can give yourself some time to just adjust, get settled and ponder your thoughts (review the pros/cons), and then make a decision about next steps.

In the meantime, honor your feelings regarding the break-up. Whatever they might be.

[doggiedo]

Thanks guys, THat's one thing I am good at - no hooking up after breakups. Usually, the difficult time I have is not going back to that person for emotional support, via text and phone. I'm so used to relying on him to be my rock, especially when going through a difficult time.

So I think the main reason why we broke up is because I didn't feel attached to him. I wasn't super physically attracted to him. I didn't "miss" him like I feel I should miss a significant other. Now my main question with that is, do I not miss him because I'm used to living alone and stuff? He's over an hour away from me so we dont' see each other but 1-2 times per week, so maybe that has somethign to do with it. But then I look at my parents and they can't live without each other. I can't live with out his support and love, but I don't know if I love him like he loves me. Does that make any sense at all?

I also had a hard time because he was dating and trying to get over me and I felt really hurt and jealous. I didn't want him to move on! So, I think part of that played a role in me going back to him. I couldn't stand seeing him with anyone else.

He thinks that if we move in together it would give us an opportunity to see each other more and see what is "missing" from my stand point. I just don't think that's a good idea. But then I also think, what do I have to lose?

I do miss him terribly, but only as a support system for me - as selfish as that sounds. Right now we are not talking, and he unfriended me on FBook bc he said it would too difficult. I understand that. We left things on good terms, but I still feel like I'm mourning the loss of my best friend. I don't have anyone to go to to share good news or concerns, or even check in with during the day. He was that person for me. So every time I reach for my phone to text him, i have to stop myself and remind myself of how I need to move on. As much as I love him, I'm doing it for the both of us. We both deserve better.

Other than that, we didn't really fight or argue...it would almost be easier if we did, so I could pinpoint a reason for moving on.

I think I am holding out until Monday when I talk to my counselor. She usually helps a lot. ALthough I hate admitting that I have to start up therapy again. Augh, just trugging through for now.

[doggiedo]

So his response to discontinuing contact

"This is what you wanted. This is what a break up means. As a result, I am no longer this person in your life. Not right now, at least until I can get over you. You can't just pick and choose what you want me to be for you. It doesn't work that way. At least not anymore."

Talk about ouch. Now, I have noone. I'm completely alone. I lost my person.