[Junerain]

My boyfriend and I are not on the same wavelength, he is not there for me emotionally. I am a very emotion-oriented person, always helping everyone in my support group, thinking empathetically, being there for others. When I share how I have helped others, he does not respond at all. When I cry, he does not comfort me. He talks about surface matters, never discussing things that really matter.

We were just fighting. Some people say I am staying in the relationship because I am 39 and when I met him 2 years ago, I had been alone my entire life- no boyfriends- causing extreme lonliness, lack of growth, isolation, since my family is not there for me, either. What a relief to finally find someone.....well, like I said, we are not on the same wavelength, though...he does not help me financially, even though he lives with me.

I think I have him as a distraction, for what I really feel, and who I am. I met someone Saturday night who seems he would be better for me. He says, I need to end my present relationship, before I will be truly open to beginning with the right person...

But every time I end it, I get so extremely lonely, it's scary. I end up going back to him out of feeling blank and lonely.

Thoughts?

[lynn P.]

((Junerain)) - it does sound like you settled for having a BF and now it seems clear he doesn't give you the support you need. Seems like you're both just comfortable, rather than growing. The fact he doesn't contribute anything financially really concerns me - he's living there free basically. Don't let your fears keep you in the wrong relationship.

[Mike_J]

This is just me but being with the wrong person is worse than being alone at least in the long run. Because if your alone you can still hope to find the right person, the more you invest in the wrong relationship the more you are going to loose..

[Harley47]

I agree with Lynn. If he's not contributing financial and he's not emotionally open with you, it seems to me like you're only doing yourself a disservice by staying with him.

Don't let fear of being alone cause you to devote yourself to something that isn't good for you.

[Leed]

I was with the wrong man for 26 years -- he was emotionally bankrupt, although he was emotionally and metally abusive, but I stayed for the sake of the kids, and because I was afraid of being alone and afraid of HIM.

I finally divorced him - fear and all. And WOW, what a wonderful feeling! All my fears were gone, even tho the idiot stalked me, I didn't care.

Kick this guy to the curb == he's not contributing anything, neither financially or emotionally! He's not giving you ANYTHING. So what good is he? He's DRAINING you. Find someone who will give BACK -- not just take all the time!!! You deserve better than this, dearheart. You're WORTH more than this. Don't give yourself away. Go for it. Hugs, Lee

[missbelle]

You know its a process.....by writing this you know something is wrong....in your mind you know, but the heart is telling a different story. When your heart, and your head are finally together, then you will have the strength to let go of him....you are taking good baby steps for now...You WILL definately know when you are completely ready to kick his ***** out!!

Keep working on it.........

[skyhawk9]

Now you have someone new.... it might be your window .... your opportunity to leave this relationship that is not meeting your needs.... it is easier to leave know there is someone there to catch you. GO for it... thats all I can say go for it! YOuve nothing to loose as what you have is not working for you. Wishing you the very best.

[Jan1212]

You said you guys were just fighting, is this decision to leave your current boyfriend of 2 years given enough time to think about it or based on your emotion? Is the man you met on Saturday worth it enough for you to end the relationship with you boyfriend? don't do it for the guy you just met, but do whatever you feel is best for you. It would be wrong of me to make any decisions for you we don't know him enough to judge him. It's up to you

[Camaro22]

If you love him, you definitely should forget all these things and try to fix it, if that's possible. Try to talk with him and ask why he acts like that. Sometimes a good talk can give you a good results.

[Junerain]

I decided to leave him. When I drove him to work this morning, I told him he was not welcome back in the house, that it would be locked. That's the only way to get him out of the house, when I ask him to leave, he doesn't. Even the two times I have called the police, they insist it's my responsibility to drive him somewhere, as he has no car. So I waited for him to be out of the house, then told him he could not come back. I began to speak about how whenever I discuss something emotional, I get a blank stare straight ahead, not even looking at me, no indication that he has even heard me, nothing. Even when I ask him a practical question, another blank stare straight ahead, nothing. I love that he hugs me a lot, and cooks and cleans, but other than that, he does not listen to a word I say.

I'm doing good since this morning, spending time with friends, had a cathartic therapy appointment, doing uplifting things.

I could not see spending the rest of my life with him, you folks are right, he's a drain. I mean I grew because I had never been in a relationship before, so I learned, finally, what that was like. But it was not the RIGHT relationship..and I have never been married, and he did not want to marry me. Perhaps one day I will see that dream come true, only with someone else

The future is full or promise and possibility now.

I used to think with me being bipolar, that limited me to who would have the patience to relate to me, but I live a pretty healthy life, and there are patient, understanding people out there....

........................just gotta go get one