[IamNothing]

Hello. This is the situation.

I met a very beautiful and gorgeous women of 23 years old. She is drop dead gorgeous and extremely smart. A deadly combination. I felt I had never had the chance to be with someone so beautiful. Anyway.

When we first met and hung out I immediately liked her and we seemed to get along great. We both seemed on the same level. Then one day I felt compelled to hug her from behind and kiss the back of her neck. I let the opurtunity pass (regrettably) and it kinda took the wind out of me. Instead of letting new opportunity happen I think I made the mistake of not letting it just happen and I made it worse by asking her if it was okay for me to do that. She said she would have loved for me to do that but now in my mind it felt a bit forced so it didn't feel as real and magical when we made out a few times.

Now to understand this whole thing you need to know that she has low self esteem (like me) and she had been in a very bad abusive relationship recently that she just got out of. She was also ruffeed and date raped which pisses me off cause I would like to kill the two black guys that did this. (they never found out who did this and I imagine these guys prey on young women all the time at the bar). So you see she has been through a lot and it has taken its toll on her. She needs good people to be around and I thought I could be one of those people for her to lean on and vise versa.

So we hung out and things just weren't the same after the magic of it all disappeared because I verbalized things that should not be because it ruins the magic at least in my mind it got all tangled up in my head and when we fooled around again the next few times that magic wasnt there and it felt forced even though I didn't want it to be.

I didn't fully realize at the time why this was happening. I thought maybe we just weren't right for each other. But I don't think this is the case.*

One night she told me that she had slept with someone for drugs. This shocked me and I didn't want to hear this from her and I brushed it aside. The way she made it sound is that it happened recently. But she said it was some time ago. She said it like it popped out by accident making me feel worse. The mistake I made was I let this fester in my mind for a few days. And (I am not trying to use this as an excuse) but I am bi-polar with some bpd. So instead of being more rationally minded I said ridiculous things that hurt her feelings. I realize now how hurtful this could have been to her but at the time I had know idea. I now regret what I said and how I handled this situation.

I always wanted to be there for her but I really messed up.*

One thing I left out is she told me her exboyfriends friend would call her asking her to come over for sex and drugs (this is basically what he was saying to her I am paraphrasing here) I wasn't happy about hearing that but I didn't think to much about that until later when she told me she slept with someone for drugs. Those two things kinda set me in this crazy direction thinking I really didn't know who she was? I mean was I wrong to feel this way? Was it wrong for me to ask her if she or her exboyfriend pimped her out? I know the language may have been wrong or hurtful but I was trying to be real. She was greatly offended by this. I didn't mean to offend her I was just being real and up front with my feelings.

At this point I thought it was best to not be in this relationship and just work on myself... But she started to pull away from me. *In reality I did not want to stop seeing her I just needed some time to breath and clear my head and make sense of it all. But I messed up again when I left a judgmental message on her phone.

There is more to this that i want to say but I have said enough right now.

I am bewildered. I like and care about her deeply. I just don't know what to do. She has blocked my phone because she said she doesn't need people like me in her life.

I was just hoping someone could help bring clarity and reason to all this.

Heya..

May I say that asking if was ok to hug and kiss her was a lovely thing. Sure, its not spontaneous, but its no less romantic for it, at least I dont think so. It shows respect for her space, and checks with her feelings.

The other thing I wanted to say is that this woman is in a bad place. I am not saying she's bad, not at all, but life's been pretty tough on her from what you say, and she's leading a destructive lifestyle with the drugs, and the sex for drugs, and I doubt that its all in the past. Some people who've been so traumatised can start to make the wrong decisions, for all sorts of reasons and its horrible when life has been so cruel.

But I dont think you acted out in too bad a way. Sure, saying mean things to hurt someone is never nice, but again, when someone's hurt, people can lash out and hurt back. I guess hearing about her lifestyle must've been quite hurtful.

While I do think that you both are different people and unless you are very strong in yourself, a lady like this will start to drag you down. She wont mean to, its just who she is with the drugs. Unless she seeks some help with the drugs, finding a way to deal over her awful past then you'd be in for an emotional rollercoaster of a ride, and it probably wouldnt end well anyway, whether now, tomorrow or in a year. I would respect her wishes of not wanting to talk, and look after yourself. You could always keep your door open for the future, but be good to yourself by making sure she's ready to change. Drugs = downward spiral.

[Leed]

I agree that you two may not be good for each other right now, but I have to say that you WERE a bit judgmental of her. You did hurt her quite badly, and I'm not surprised that she has blocked you.

It's best that you both go your separate ways, This wouldn't have worked out anyway. She has her own demons that she needs to work on and so do you. So just chalk this one up to a ship that passed in the night. LOL

I wish you the very best and God bless. Hugs, Lee

[IamNothing]

Yes thanks for the replys.

First. The reason I asked the question if he had been or she pimps herself out is because she I think by accident let me know that she actually did that. I mean really? She told me what she does kinda, but it slipped out so then when I tried to ask her about this she became offended. If she told me, why would she be offended by me asking the question later on? I think she decided to take it back and not want to admit it.

There is no question I could have handled this better. I should have comforted her about it. I mean I used to be in that world and I know what it's all about. People use and abuse in that world. Its awful.

But again I could have been there for her. I think I wasn't ready to handle being with her. Instead of supporting her with this and making us closer I pushed it away and then brought it up in the wrong way.

Hindsight is 20/20 though. I feel shame about it. I have always seen myself as a bit of a compassionate kinda care taker and this i got to cought up. In the end I believe she could have done better as well. It usually takes two to tango. But it doesn't matter anymore. It's now completely done.