Need to talk

Post

I've been pretty depressed lately and it is mostly because I have a very hard time with communication. I have been seeing this guy for about a year and a half and about one month ago he said that we never talk about anything important or concerning us. I agree with him, but I'm not sure how to talk about those things. I've never actually been in a relationship before, even though I'm 29, and I feel constantly lost. I'm never sure what I'm supposed to do or how to treat him. I'm kind of a loner and he is a really social person so in that aspect we are pretty opposite. *I'm also worried that I get annoyed about the smallest things and I'm not sure if I am being fair or not. *For example, we were talking on the phone last night and he was leaving the university that we both attend. He called me and was talking about some things. Then he asked me what I had for dinner and my night. I started, but then he interrupted me to tell me about how this person he was watching kept walking into a fence and how stupid this person was that they were not paying attention to where they were going. I tried to get back on topic to what I was saying, but I guess he completely forgot because then he said he had to go because he was going into traffic. At first this different bother me because I was getting ready for bed. *But then the next morning I thought about it and got really mad. Why was this person doing something stupid more interesting than what I had to say? *I'll get mad about things like this and want to bring it up, but by the time I see him again I'm not angry that much anymore and don't feel like talking about it. I'm not sure what to do. Do I bring it up? Or am I being picky? How would I bring it up anyway?

Hey,
I want to say that I can relate to your problems with communication since I have the same problem with my girlfriend except she's usually the one that gets annoyed easily. I personally think you should tell your bf about it and just explain your frustrations but I suggest that you tell him with ease. Be sure to tell him in a calm situation, not when your annoyed or hes distracted.
If you would like to talk I'm here anytime.

I have to agree that it should gently be brought up. I have a friend who constantly does this. She'll call and talk about HER all the time, and if I try to comment, she'll just talk OVER me. Or if I bring up something, she'll just change the subject immediately which I find very rude. I'm guilty because I have NOT said anything. She is VERY overbearing, and I guess I'm very intimidated by her -- I don't even take my own advice.

But if you feel you can, gently tell him that he's being rude, and please try to listen more often as it's hurtful.

I wish you the very best. God bless and I hope you two make it. Hugs, Lee

Thanks, Franii. I just get so frustrated with myself and it is annoying. I know I'm just scared of what will happen, but I'm tired of being frustrated. Maybe I can talk to him about it today. I will try.

Thanks to you to Lee. Let's hope all goes well.

Hi spaceid - i think its pretty silly of him to not actually allow you a chance to talk when before he was complaining that you don't talk to each about things that are important/concern you. If he continues to do this sort of thing i would ask outright whether he wants to talk to your or not and hopefully he should get the hint. As for having more serious discussions these need to be approached gently and with caution. Choose a time when you know you both won't be distracted and have enough time to actually properly discuss things. I would be direct but again gentle about the whole matter and state quite simply; there is something thats concerning me or this is really important i need to talk about it with you. Don't feel pressured to 'force' the relationship to become closer - if you have stuff you need to talk about then so be it but if you don't then thats fine also. I wish you are your boyfriend all the best and remember - communication in these situations is key. All the best.

No problem, I hope everything went well. If you didn't do it yet and still feel unsure then remember to pace yourself, you don't want to rush into it and get choked up. Once again if you wanna talk or more help with your bf you can message me anytime.

Thanks for the advice bb2023.

I didn't get to talk to him about it that night, but the next night something more important came up and we got to talk about that. Funny enough I can't remember what it was now. It felt like a big deal at the time.

We still have more to talk about, but things are tough in his life right now so I'm trying to take things one day at a time. He had a panic attack the other day which to me is a normal thing, but to him it is new and a sign of weakness. I wasn't there, but was able to talk with him on the phone afterwards and he felt better. I'm worried of pressuring him, but at the same time I am annoyed with all these things that are in my head that need to come out. I wish I was better at this sort of thing.

You said that things in his life are hard right now. It is possible that those things are affecting his thinking right now so please take that into account. His state of mind is probably not normal . You also said he had a panic attack which shows that things are getting to him. I agree that you need to talk with him but be very careful about the timing and gentle with the words.

Spaceid: You might try to explain how you feel to him or else when you bring up deep topics, you might want to just take your time to find your feelings and express them. How he reacts might tell you a lot about his personality.

As far as the car situation, It'd be good to consider that his mind may have been scattered by being in the high stress environment of traffic. We are all affected by our environments and situations and we need to make sure we do not treat every action as indicative of someone else's personality.