[Beautiful daughter]

My daughter is 27 years old and broke up with her boyfriend about 7 months ago. She has lost so much weight and is definitely depressed, judging from the signs. She willingly went to the doctor I use last week, however, she wanted to go alone. When I saw the same doctor yesterday, I asked if she mentioned the break-up to him. He didn't say a whole lot, which I completely understand with the confidentiality promise. But he did ask me if she was abused as a child, because she mentioned her kidneys hurt? I told him that I wasn't aware of any abuse, but that she had been complaining about her kidneys for quite some time. (like years!) He then said that typically people who have been abused complain about their kidneys.

Needless to say, I was taken by suprise, because I know she has had depression symptoms, but I had no idea that she has been abused. I don't know the next step I should take. Should I ask her about her feelings? See if she will go to a psychologist? She is a private person so I don't want to push her too much.

Any advise will be greatly appreciated.

[sesame]

I wouldn't jump right into this and assume that she was abused as a child just because of her kidneys bothering her, it could be a lot of things.

Being that he is in fact a doctor, I think he could look further into that physical issue (urine/blood tests etc). However, for you in particular, suggesting that she try a psychologist wouldn't be a bad or invasive idea.

[Leed]

Why wouldn't you know if your daughter was abused? Were you and her father together when she was a child? Was he violent or of the abusive type? Could she have been sexually abused? Are you sure she never said anything about being abused, or touched?

Did she ever draw strange pictures that made you wonder what was going on?

Try thinking back. Maybe something will pop up in your head. Although I hope not.

God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

If your daughter has had kidney pain for some time im assuming tests have already been carried out to ensure its nothing physical? Abuse can happen without parents having a clue so i understand it must have been quite a shock. I would ask your daughter to call up his office and ask for another round of testing to definately rule out something physical. Next i would sit down with your daughter and explain that if theres anything she has long been upset about something and needs to discuss it you are there for her - bringing up the topic outright might not be such a good idea for now. If you're concerned about how best to talk to her call your doctor and see if they can give you advice. Definately make sure that she see's a pyschiatrist for her depression and hopefully any stuff from the past will also be dealt with. I hope ive been of some help and more importantly i hope this situation improves for both your daughter and you. All the best.

[whatbeanbelieved]

I'm agreeing with BB up there mostly, but I would like to just sort of... say that seeking mental health is a PERSONAL choice. And your daughter is old enough to choose. It is really important that if she does go to a psychiatrist or therapist, it is HER choice - because in the long run that matters a lot. Otherwise it's damaging to one's sense of self worth - because one feels as though one isn't even really in charge of one's feelings or choices anymore. Nothing more damaging than that.

So... my sense is, be honest with her, see what she says... Hope this works out!

[Yoda]

There are plenty of other things that can cause pain in that area of the body. Ovarian cancer, pancreatic cancer, IBS, ...

Or perhaps the doctor was trying to suggest CSA to you without violating HIPAA. I did not tell my mom about her brother violating me until I was 40+ years old. I hope you can talk to your daughter and ask her.

It sounds like your daughter absolutely needs treatment for depression and should see a T. The therapist, hopefully, will be able to also to screen and treat her for CSA if, in fact, it took place. Meantime, please ask your daughter about her kidney problem. Doing so will open communication about its side-effects and possibly its cause. I wish you all the best.

so many different things that could cause sustained kidney pain, i guess the doctor was just trying to rule out a few options.