I need help

I don't normally do this... i hate sharing information about myself and making a big deal about things... but after tonight I just don't know what to think or do.

I'm normally a quite closed person, I have a few friends that I see one or two times a week but I keep to myself. Its not that I don't want to be socially active and have fun with others... it's just that I can't. I get easily socially "exhausted" and wen that happens I just withdraw myself because I can't deal with too much stimuli and after that talking becomes a burden. I want to want to be able to be social and talk to people and do what everyone else does but I just can't.

Today after work I started talking to a girl. We like each other, I have romantic feelings for her it's obvious it's not mutual but I can live with that. What happened tonight is that we started talking seriously. Mostly about me... like I said before, I don't share my troubles and issues with others, I haven't done so for 25 years of my life I keep them to myself. But I like this girl and things just started to flow out. We talked for about 2.5 hours, mostly about me. I think she was trying to share information too, personal issues and stuff, I tried to play into it but I sensed she withdrew probably because I'm emotionally stunted and can't talk for **** about real things without it becoming forced.

After 2.5 hours I sensed she wanted to go and hang out with other colleagues (they all went out to some other place, this girl stayed behind with me to just talk). I didn't want her to go, and I was joking about this and stuff but it was obviously I was just clinging onto her. She knew this too and tried to make up an excuse to go in the end and it hurt me like hell. I hate opening up to people and now I did and she left to go to the other guys.I feel like such a freak I knew she wanted to go and that it was time but I just kept trying to force it to go on and put her in this awkward position.

I know she likes me as a friend she said I was her favorite colleague in the whole company (there's about 40 people working here so that's something). I feel like I ****ed up the whole thing we had and a possible friendship because I was acting like a ****ing retard trying too much and taking things to far. I opened up and I don't know if it was good if I did good or if it just confirmed what I thought I knew: that I'm a freak and people don't want to hang out with me once they get to know me.

This all sounds like **** and I feel pathetic sharing this lame **** and posting this to others. I just don't know what to do, I'm typing this and I feel completely numbed. I have no idea what I am or what I'm supposed to do or what I should think about this.

I'm sorry about rambling like an asshole and cussing it's not good behavior... I just am so confused and have never felt like this before and I can't take this anymore. I'm so ****ed up and I don't know where to go next.

If someone reads this please tell your thoughts or anything just give me a perspective I need help please.

((gustter))

I hold things inside of myself too, so I can relate. Before my ex-hub and I married, he would sit and listen to me jabber for hours! However, he was interested in me.

Perhaps you could apologize for taking up so much of her time when you see her again? Simply state that time flew by and you didn't realize how much time you'd spent talking. You could also say that you really don't feel comfortable enough to talk about the issues you discussed with many people ~ and you're sorry if it was a bit too much for her.

Hopefully, she'd still like to be friends with you. Perhaps you could assure her that you'll be more careful in the future and let her know that she's always welcome to come to you when she needs to talk about something. Friendship is a 2-way street ~ assure her that you'll be there for her as well.

Thanks you for the advice Shezbut! Apologizing seems like a good idea, I wanted to go by tonight originally but I think it's best to give her some time and just tell her next saturday when I'm at work again.

Looking back I don't really regret the thing wholly. I am not glad about what I did and the position I put her in but at least I learned a lot about myself. I think I sometimes get caught in the moment a bit too much and lose perspective and overthink things too much. At any rate I feel better now - not great but better

Thanks again