[marymartinez36]

i AM MARRIED AND LOVE MY HUSBAND VERY MUCH, BUT THERE ARE ISSUES IN OUR MARRIAGE WHICH LEAVE ME FEELING UNWANTED, HORRIBLY UGLY, INADEQUATE, LESS THAN, NOT GOOD ENOUGH..
He has this idea that to tell me I am pretty sexy or beautiful would be lying. He says he is a christian and if he tells me these things then he would be lying. He goes by the worlds idea of beauty and pretty and sexy.
If you are not perfect in body, hair, face, and flawless then you are not pretty or beautiful or sexy. he says there are 5 types of women..beautiful..pretty..cute,,in between and ugly..I asked him where I fit in and he said i was between inbetween and ugly..this is like a knife in my heart. what do I do to deal with this?

[FooZe]

Hi marymartinez36, welcome to Psych Central!

Originally Posted by marymartinez36

he says there are 5 types of women..beautiful..pretty..cute,,in between and ugly..I asked him where I fit in and he said i was between inbetween and ugly..

This is a lot more about him than about you. As far as I can tell, beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. The poor dear must be suffering from ugly eyes -- or at the very least, looking at you through poop-colored glasses.

He says he is a christian and if he tells me these things then he would be lying.

He may be making that up. I don't think there's any such commandment as "Though shalt be mean."

[Gaijin]

A lie is a false statement made for either the speaker's advantage or the listener's disadvantage.

He would be lying if he only said it to get laid. It wouldn't be a lie if he said it to make you feel good about yourself or simply to be respectful to his wife. Apparently he doesn't realize that by demeaning his wife he's also demeaning himself.

I was raised to be a Christian (it didn't take very well), and taught that it's not Christian to say things that hurt people. Be aware that there are men out there who try to control their wives by beating down their self-esteem. You might be wise to seek marital or individual counseling.

[jadzea]

I am 5'5" and weigh over 300 pounds. I hate the way I look and wish I could manage to control my weight. Nonetheless my husband tells me I am cute and beautiful. When I complain about my size he reminds me that the masters did not paint skinny women and that he has a classic idea of what makes a woman beautiful.

I don't understand it but I know in his opinion I am beautiful and his saying so makes me happy. It also builds my self confidence and makes me a better person.

I think your husband is just being mean. Time for a serious discussion.

[Leed]

There is NO excuse for cruelty, and he is CRUEL. I don't know what he's trying to accomplish here, but he's certainly doing a good job of screwing up.

You don't hurt people just for the sake of hurting them, and that seems to be what he's doing. I dont' know what his "plan" is. Is he trying to get you to leave him so HE doesn't have to be the bad guy and leave?

Why would he say things like this to you? And why do you put up with it?

I would DEFINITELY seek counseling -- and if he won't go, I would go anyway. And if the counselor advises you to seek an attorney's advise I would certainly listen. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by marymartinez36

i AM MARRIED AND LOVE MY HUSBAND VERY MUCH, BUT THERE ARE ISSUES IN OUR MARRIAGE WHICH LEAVE ME FEELING UNWANTED, HORRIBLY UGLY, INADEQUATE, LESS THAN, NOT GOOD ENOUGH..
He has this idea that to tell me I am pretty sexy or beautiful would be lying. He says he is a christian and if he tells me these things then he would be lying. He goes by the worlds idea of beauty and pretty and sexy.
If you are not perfect in body, hair, face, and flawless then you are not pretty or beautiful or sexy. he says there are 5 types of women..beautiful..pretty..cute,,in between and ugly..I asked him where I fit in and he said i was between inbetween and ugly..this is like a knife in my heart. what do I do to deal with this?

Are you in therapy? He most likely wouldn't see a reason to go but you can go to a therapist on your own. Even if it is just once a month or every two weeks. It is worth doing just for your own sanity.

[cjmccray]

That is very cruel. He married you for some reason. Maybe he is a christian, but God wants you to treat people in a loving and caring way. My God anyway is a loving God. I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Work with your therapist to help you build positive body image and positive thinking. When you learn to love yourself, you won't need his "Idea" of beautiful. I believe you are a very beautiful person. Don't allow others to have power over your self esteem.

he is an idiot. The thing is that he married you because he was attracted to you, most likely right? It is a very shallow man that can't see this and dwells on the fact that we have changing bodies, aging bodies, all of us and aren't going to remain looking 20 soemthing and in the same shape we were when young. A real man would recognize this and continue to see the attraction to his wife with all the changes that might happen. Besides, the physical attraction is only part of the equation, even if in the worst case, (God forbid) didn't age gracefully and gained some weight, the ideal situation would be so much more would be there from being together in a loving relationship so long. What I mean is a man (and woman) would still find their spouse to be attractive because their love grew deeper and they found even more things to draw them together. None of us are going to be the world's perfect image of beauty, but all of us have things about us that make us attractive. Maybe I'm rambling but he's an idiot if he's as shallow as that and it shameful that he uses Christianity as his crutch for being an asshat.

[smokeeater55]

Originally Posted by marymartinez36

i AM MARRIED AND LOVE MY HUSBAND VERY MUCH, BUT THERE ARE ISSUES IN OUR MARRIAGE WHICH LEAVE ME FEELING UNWANTED, HORRIBLY UGLY, INADEQUATE, LESS THAN, NOT GOOD ENOUGH..
He has this idea that to tell me I am pretty sexy or beautiful would be lying. He says he is a christian and if he tells me these things then he would be lying. He goes by the worlds idea of beauty and pretty and sexy.
If you are not perfect in body, hair, face, and flawless then you are not pretty or beautiful or sexy. he says there are 5 types of women..beautiful..pretty..cute,,in between and ugly..I asked him where I fit in and he said i was between inbetween and ugly..this is like a knife in my heart. what do I do to deal with this?

This may be a little harsh but after your description of how he thinks about you, I would dump his *** in a second. P.S. I'm a man and I would never talk to a person that way and never my wife. He's about as christian as a Rabbi. A real christian would never hurt someone's feelings that way. He sounds more like a jerk.

[Stranger516]

What it the world..... this is the 21st century. I don't care WHAT religion he is from, honestly?

Find someone who will have the DECENCY to respect you. You deserve better. He sounds very shallow and that is going against GOD also I guess huh? If you love someone you almost automatically see them as a beautiful person inside and out.

Do yourself a favor and get out of this demented marriage. It is not worth your suffering because of this mans idiotic ideas.