Time to be honest with myself

Okay so I need to be honest, I have a boyfriend, only his not my boyfriend. He belongs to someone else.

I met this guy 3an half years ago, I am waiting to be diagnosed for BPD, so I guess this will make sense.

When I met him he told me that him and his gf were separated, they have no children, and have no other
commitments to each other.

So after 6 weeks of seeing each other, we finally shared ourselfs, I never felt anything like it.
The next evening I had phone call from a girl asking if I was sleepin with her bf. pure devastation
I broke up with him after that. And we didn't see or speak to each other again.

A few months later I see him out one night, I could not resist him, I felt so overwhelmed by him we went home together.
It was the start if the new yr and he told me this time that he was with his gf and that they were breaking up, he loved me and she wanted things he couldn't give her. He didn't want to be with her.
Things were great, he was going to be mine. Only I ruined it before anything could start.

He never split from her cos I told him I didn't want him.
As soon as I had I felt the gut wrecking feeling take over my soul.
Things want the same after that we have been in and off now,
His still with his gf and I have tried to walk away loads of times.
It's always me that leaves.
I know he is cheating on his gf and we are both at fault. But he is a good guy.
I know he loves me other wise he wouldn't out up with the crap I throw at him,
But I know that I am making my self sick when u with him.
He is my trigger but with out him I can not breathe.
Please some one find me the strength to walk away healthy.
His never going to leave his gf. And I hate what I'm doing.
But I love him so much.

HELP ME please

The guy is a total wimp. He is not a good guy. Any real good guys out there who can help this young lady realize that this so called man is a selfish coward? If you can, please explain to some of us woman who are, shall we say, less than lucky in love, about how a real man treats a woman they love. I, personally, never witnessed any good healthy relationships, so it would be cool if you could enlighten us.

I don't have much to say in support really. My ex husband did this to me. He told her we were broken up, we weren't tho, not even not getting along. He even had me cut his hair so he could go on a date with her, under the guise of going out with friends. I found her number in his pocket while I was doing laundry, I knew and I called her. I was polite, she didn't know we had a one year old son and that I was pregnant and we were together.

That was a horrible moment in my life. The pain, betrayal, humiliation, anger, disgust that he was having sex with me and with her, fear of getting an std, having my right to have a say in the matter taken away. It was a feeling of violation. No one gave me a choice.

Good guy? Have you really thought about what exactly he is doing to her, and what she will go through when she finds out? Have you thought about what he is doing to you? Thats not love, I am not sure what it qualifies as, but love is not selfish. Love isn't putting people through this.. not her and not you.

Am not going to belittle what you feel for him, but its probably one of the most unhealthy kind of loves there. I think you're addicted to him and to the situation. As bizarre as it sounds, this kind of relationship, for all its up and downs, is exciting. Problem is, its all the wrong kind of excitement.

You deserve to be with someone who is free to love you properly, not in moments that are snatched. You deserve to find someone who is with you 100%. And most certainly his girlfriend does not deserve to be cheated on, lied to and hurt. In my honest opinion, this man deserves neither of you ladies.

You ask for strength to walk away? Grow some and walk away. Treat yourself and the other lady better. Keep away from the man, ignore any contact. As time goes by, it will get easier, and the fog of addiction to him will lift, and you will probably see him for the greedy, selfish man he really is.