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Old Dec 15, 2012, 11:29 AM
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Christa87413 Christa87413 is offline
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Location: Bloomfield, NM
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How in the world is someone who can only describe themselves as "crazy" date?!

I have such problems dating!! I warn everyone I start getting close to about my problems, and when we start getting serious, I tell them how to calm me down, how to handle me.. But it seems like they don't understand what I am saying..

I just want to be in a healthy relationship, where my crazy doesnt interfere.

I can't think of the right way to say anything at the moment, but PLEASE! Ask me some questions to get the brain flowing better. I'm an open book!

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  #2  
Old Dec 15, 2012, 04:25 PM
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~Christina ~Christina is offline
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Hi Christa Welcome to PC

I'm sorry your having a tough time dating .. dating can be a nightmare for anyone .. Mental illness or not.

Hows daily life for you ? Are you coping with whatever "diagnosis" you have? Are you on meds? seeing a Pdoc or Therapist? Do you have coping skills that you can pull out and use when your feeling out of control ?

It's kind of hard to know when is the "right time" to talk about your illness.. Some people just toss it out there when they first met someone/anyone. Some wait.. No right or wrong way to go about it.

Sometimes people hear mental illness and freak out and hit the door running. Some people hear it and decide it may not be so important.. I do feel that if you start advising some on "how to calm you down or handle you" it is possible that it's too much for them.

I guess my best advise and just my opinion is .... Work on yourself and get as stable as possible.. If your on meds and still all over the place you may need a med change or tweak. If your not on meds learn ways to calm yourself , meditation, yoga, regular exercise, consistant sleep.. ( use all these things whether your on meds or not)

Dating is possible and finding the "right one" is possible..

Hang in there
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  #3  
Old Dec 15, 2012, 05:21 PM
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Christa87413 Christa87413 is offline
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Daily life for me... Most the time i'm just surviving it.. haha! I'm not ashamed to tell people that I'm bi polar, nor talk about it. I knoe that it helps others learn more about something they may not always come into contact with. I'm currently not on meds, but I am trying to get back on them. No coping skill at all..

I find it hard to have a middle for anything, its either all or nothing!

Normally if I am telling a person how to handle me, we have been seeing each other for awhile, and I feel comfortable letting them in more, but there have been times when I feel an episode coming on and I have no choice but to tell them what to do. Most the time its "just tell me to sleep" or "Don't listen to the crazy stuff that comes out of my mouth, i'm just talking to hear myself talk".

I guess there are just times when I don't feel like I'm a "relationship" kind of girl, or that the right one possibly got hit by a bus. Seems like the guys I like, never like me back, and the guys I don't like, do like me... Rarely is it an actual mutual attraction.. Kinda hurts :-/
  #4  
Old Dec 15, 2012, 06:44 PM
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FooZe FooZe is offline
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Hi Christa87413, welcome to Psych Central!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Christa87413 View Post
I warn everyone I start getting close to about my problems, and when we start getting serious, I tell them how to calm me down, how to handle me.. But it seems like they don't understand what I am saying..
It sounds like whatever you're doing is helping to screen out people who aren't ready to relate to you for whatever reason. Even though you're disappointed when it doesn't work out, it may not be such a bad thing that you both found out early on.

If you managed to present yourself as someone different, someone whom they'd find easier to get along with, the same issues would probably surface anyway, only later, when both of you had a bigger investment in the relationship. At that point it could go either of two ways:

-- From how they know you by then, they decide that issues* or no, you're worth sticking around for and they're glad you didn't scare them away earlier; or

-- They decide you're too much for them (and/or they don't feel up to dealing with you) and they blame you for not having let them know sooner.

It'll be easier for you if you can take the viewpoint that it's not just you being "crazy" while they're all "normal" (so that you're not good enough for them), and not just them chickening out for dumb reasons from what could've been a great relationship (so that they're not good enough for you). No doubt each of you is going to say some stuff and do some stuff that triggers the other, and how it works out is going to depend on how gracefully each of you deals with it when it happens.

I hope this sheds some light on your situation; or if darkness, then at least interesting darkness.

--------------------------
*Their issues too, obviously.
  #5  
Old Dec 16, 2012, 03:56 PM
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Christa87413 Christa87413 is offline
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I kind of think of it that way Fooze.. If they know right up front, they can make a choice before anyones feelings get TO hurt (Doesn't always work out that way because when I like someone, it seems like I REALLY like them! I find that a huge curse!)..

I don't see why a person would want to lie to others and themselves about who they are. I have a gentleman i've been talking to for a few weeks bits and peices, and he's seen the randomness of my moods, and last night when I was sad and talking to him he told me "Stop saying that you are crazy. Even if you are crazy, I love that you do not pretend to be anyone else but you. There are so many woman out there who are lieing to themselves just to get a guy, that they end up depressed and guilty in the long run because they can't be who they really are. You are trying to get help for the problems you face daily, and you get mad kudos for that. You are TRYING to get better. You are WANTING to make your life better. That is more then most people can say. You are amazing just the way you are, and you seem to make live very fun and interesting. " it kind of made my night:-)
  #6  
Old Dec 16, 2012, 06:48 PM
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FooZe FooZe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Christa87413 View Post
I have a gentleman i've been talking to for a few weeks bits and peices, and he's seen the randomness of my moods, and last night when I was sad and talking to him he told me "Stop saying that you are crazy. Even if you are crazy, I love that you do not pretend to be anyone else but you. There are so many woman out there who are lieing to themselves just to get a guy, that they end up depressed and guilty in the long run because they can't be who they really are. You are trying to get help for the problems you face daily, and you get mad kudos for that. You are TRYING to get better. You are WANTING to make your life better. That is more then most people can say. You are amazing just the way you are, and you seem to make live very fun and interesting. " it kind of made my night:-)
He sounds like a keeper, whether as a potential bf or "just" a friend.
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