Please someone listen, pregnant and in a crisis

Where do I start? I'm 28 weeks pregnant. I moved to another part of Texas to be with my boyfriend. I have 2 boys, ages 16 and 22. My 16 year old didn't want to move bc he wanted to finish school with his friends so he stayed with his dad, who is not a nurturing parent by any means. My 16 year old has had some issues, has gotten in trouble. He called tonight and begged me to move home. My boyfriend will not move and said that I can't take the baby with me that he will call CPS if I do because I have a 22yr old that has anger issues. I can't throw him out on the street, I won't throw him out because I'm all he has. So I'm left with the option of leaving the baby with the father and moving home. I can't move my 16 year old here. For the most part people have not been welcoming. I have no family and no friends here. I'm totally isolated except for work and my boyfriend. I have not enjoyed this pregnancy at all,how can I enjoy something I know I can't keep? I feel no attachment and no love for this baby at all. I hate feeling it move.
I have at times prayed for a miscarriage. I know that I'm a horrible person. I'm being honest. I love my 16 year old more. I want to go home. How do I handle all of this? Please help me.

Your boyfriend sounds very controlling, don't let him threaten you like that. The CPS will not take the baby away because your son has anger issues. The CPS will try there hardest to help keep you and baby together. Please do what is best for YOU!

Bless your heart. It's difficult not to bond with the baby since your situation is so difficult. But try not to "punish" this poor baby for that. This child is going to need you desperately, just like your 16yr old, and 22 yr old. A newborn depends on it's mother completely -- so TRY to bond with it if possible. I know it's difficult.

Don't let your boyfriend dictate your life. If you want and need to move back, then do it. He CANNOT take the baby away from you when it's born. How can he prove you an unfit mother when you're doing what's best for your children? He has NO proof and no basis for a charge of that sort. I wouldn't worry about it, and CPS cannot take the baby either! So move back if you feel you need to. You're NOT married -- so you can do almost what you want. Do it BEFORE the baby is born tho!!!

God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee

He says he will call CPS. My oldest son has anger issues. He has put holes in every wall of the house, etc. He said CPS will never let a baby move into that house. I don't want to fight him. I have no help with the baby back home. My mom passed away in a car accident. My only sister lives out of state. I know the dad will love and provide for this baby. I can not live with myself knowing that another child is suffering without me, needs me desperately. I need to go home. Do I give the baby up for adoption to the father? How do I go about doing that?

I can't move back before the baby is born because I have to work, I need my health insurance. I also have to have medical treatment after the baby is born because I have stage 3 precancerous cervical cells that were found my first OB visit. So much to deal with. So stressed out. As long as this baby has a home and is cared for that is all that matters. But my son has no one because I'm not there. I left him, I abandoned him. I chose someone over him. How could I have done that to him? I don't know this baby yet, I don't love this baby. I don't want this baby. That's how I feel. People give up babies all the time.

I think I need to tell my OB what is going on.

I think you could do with talking this through with a professional so that you are clear on all the options. It's hard to think straight when you are stressed out and worried.

That's true. I do need to talk to someone because I feel so isolated and alone. I can't think straight. I'm overwhelmed. I can barely function. I'm nauseated all the time. Partly from being pregnant, partly from being stressed. I'm at the end of my rope. I feel like I'm barely hanging on and when I tried to talk to my boyfriend about it today he says we have gone over this so many times and it was too early in the morning to go over it again. I feel so alone.

God bless everyone on this site. You are a sense of support for me, someone to talk to. Thank you for your help.