[elvinchild]

I've been hanging out with a guy for a little over a year, we got off to a rough start. At one point he fessed up about an incident with another girl, I was more bothered by his past dishonesty than the incident because I'd told him that the most important thing to me in a relationship was that we were completely honest and open with each other. After he fessed up I asked him to please be honest from this point forward, he said he would be. A few months later he told me that for the past eight months he'd been hiding a pot-smoking habit from me. Again I was more upset by the dishonesty than the action, especially because the lie was ongoing for such a long time and because he'd promised me he would be honest from now on WHILE he was knowingly hiding his drug habit. It took me a long time to get over this but I stayed with him since he eventually came around to telling the truth. It's been a few months and he suggested that we exchange facebook passwords to help re-establish trust. I agreed, and I've used the password a couple times to quell my anxieties when I'm struggling to trust him. However, the last time I logged in I noticed he had deleted an entire messenger conversation with one of the girls he used to flirt with a lot. As far as I know they aren't involved anymore, but I feel like he's again trying to hide something from me. I plan to talk to him about it and hopefully I'll find some resolution again.... but I feel like every time I start to trust him another secret is unveiled, and I wonder if I'm always going to be in the dark with him. On the one hand I'm grateful that he seems to eventually tell me the truth, but on the other he keeps promising to be 100% open and then I discover he isn't. I had my heart set on this guy and I really thought we might be able to settle down together, but it wears on me and sometimes I wonder if I could find a relationship with a firmer foundation of trust and honesty. So I guess I'm just feeling completely confused tonight and I'd be grateful for a little outside input!

[Leed]

Hmm. I think I would wonder why he deleted the conversation with that girl he used to flirt with since he knew you'd be able to see it. And do you think he'll tell you the truth WHY he deleted it? A liar could make up any old story. But to his credit, you say he always ends up telling you the "truth."

It just bothers me that he does these things and hides them from you in the first place. I wouldn't want to be with someone who lies and flirts with other girls and then deletes the conversations so you can't see it, or just plain does things he says he won't do anymore. He's not being honest and I just don't think I'd want that kind of relationship. If you can't be honest with each other & have trust in a relationship, then it's no good.

It seems to me you're going to always worry about this guy. You're always going to wonder if he's flirting, cheating, doing weed, etc. Why put yourself thru that? Personally, I'd rather find someone I didn't have to worry about all the time. I'd rather have someone who's REALLY open and honest with me and does what he SAYS he going to do. I don't think this relationship is going to go very far my friend. But maybe with alot of work and counseling, it might work. I wish you the very best. God bless. Hugs, Lee

My first impulse on the last part about FB is that he's still lying. The thing that I notice about this guy is that after the fact he's been caught or discovered, he fesses up. Seems to me a quick way to quell your frustration and anger by quickly come to the table and answering for his deceit. I'm not sure if if you should feel that he's being honest even now. It really appears his first impulse is to lie, and do what his temptations draw him to do rather than be open with you about things in his life first and deal with things head on.

Honestly it's not the makings of a solid foundation for a relationship that would be good for you. Sure you could endure and keep hoping he'll start being honest but for how long will you have to wait? He's already proven a habitual liar so far, how many repeated offenses will it take before you're fed up?

I hope he is being honest with you and I hope for the best for you two but my inclination is to say you can find an honest, faithful and devoted man out there. lying cheaters are a dime a dozen.

*hugs*

[~Christina]

You have caught him in countless lies , probably big and small . The question is how many more lies will you put up with ...

Personally I would move on .. but thats just me..

Good luck with whatever you decide