[Jcwinpain]

I am new here. I tried another support group last year when my dad was battling a rare disease. He passed last may. His death was sudden and left me alone as he was not married and I have noI siblings. I am unhappily married and have 2 kids and did teach 4th grade until a week ago when i got so bad i had to take a leave. Nine months ago even though i know it is wrong. I fell in love with another man and recently Bc others found out he is now ignoring me until he claims enough time passes. I do believe we are equally in love and as much pain. I have been depressed for months now and suffered on and off my whole life with it. I'm on Meds. Its not working. I can't eat and stay in bed all day except when I have to use all my inner strength to play Mommie to my 4 and 6 year olds. I don't know what to do. I am so depressed and lost and feel like I have not got any purpose and feel like death would be easier. But i would nevrt do that because pf my children. In all my years of depression I have never felt pain like this ever. please help.

Warm welcome to you.

I don't have any real answers to help you with everything, but I didn't want your post to go ignored, so if ok, I shall just share some thoughts?

Sounds like you're still grieving for your poor dad. It's not been long has it? My partner lost his mum, also in May, and if you're anything like him, then its very raw still. And, after just 6 months, its bound to be isnt it? I bet it feels like yesterday.

My only advice I can say is to allow yourself to grieve. Do whatever you need to do. Sounds like you're doing grand with the children, but as they are young, perhaps you can do what you need to do when they're asleep or off to school/pre school? And in the mean time, please please be kind to yourself. Depression is a terrible thing, maybe go back to the doctor and look into other meds? And please do anything that gives you little lifts. Like a long soak in the bath, go for a walk where you like to walk, buy yourself a little something nice. Even watch a weepy movie, and let it all out. Just be kind to yourself, and please forgive yourself for feeling this way. Sounds natural what you're going through to me.

As for your marriage, how much of it is unhappy because of your depression? Not blaming you, as depression is an illness and its not your fault. But do you think that there is something worth saving? Have you ever considered couples therapy? I wonder if you could talk to your husband about everything, that it may be the start of a new fresh chapter and you guys may be able to work together, towards a happier marriage. This man who is ignoring you, tbh, he is not worth spending any more energy on, and imho, he sounds like a distraction. Anyone who's ignoring you like this, when you really do not need it, is not a man in my book. You're best to help yourself and try and work on your marriage before having embarking on something new. It wouldn't be fair on all of you.

I hope I've not said anything untoward, as I obviously do not know you, or the ins and outs.

Hugs to you, and take care.

[Leed]

Hi "JC" ~ And welcome. I'm glad you found us. I'm so sorry you're suffering so badly. I can certainly relate to depression since I've had it since I was about 4 or 5 yrs old. I didn't get any treatment for it tho because my parents were too busy getting drunk. I got treatment finally when I was in my 20's after I left home.

You may have clinical depression like I do. It's when the hormones, etc., in our brains are not adequate, and we need to have them replace by medication. I've been taking medication for over 30 years, and will have to take it for the rest of my life. If you've been suffering for years, it's possible you'll need medication permanently too --- but that has to be determined by a professional.

Have you ever seen a therapist? If not, I urge you to do so. You need a definite diagnosis, and besides therapy would be VERY beneficial to you right now. Therapy cannot cure depression, but it can help us learn how to cope and give us tools in dealing with it. But in clinical depression, the ultimate tool is medication.

As for your affair -- are you sure your "friend" is ignoring you because people found out and he thinks it's best to wait? Or is it possible he actually just called it quits and didn't tell you? I have a feeling it's probably the latter. I don't want to hurt you by saying that, but most men in that situation don't want to be put thru the "mess" of dealing with the husband and going thru the scandal of the divorce. Does your husband know about it? If so, how did he react and does he want a divorce?

I would hope, my friend, that you would be open to marriage counseling. I would hope that you would be open to trying to save your marriage. Most importantly, your children are the ones who will be hurt. The children ALWAYS get hurt in a divorce -- and many times they are traumatized for many years to come. My granddaughter is one of them. Her parents (her Mom is my daughter) divorced when she was 7 yrs old, and she's 17 now and she's been in therapy for one year due to this. We THOUGHT she had dealt well with it, but things began manifesting in ways that led us to believe that something was wrong --- and we finally got her to tell us. It was the divorce -- so off the therapy we sent her. She's doing well now, thank God, but it was difficult before we knew what was going on.

Your children deserve 2 parents --- I know that's not always possible and if you are being abuse, then certainly get out! But if there's any chance at all, please try. I wish you the very best. Take care and God bless. Hugs, Lee