my boyfriend wants to change me

My boyfriend says stuff like...'We have to get you looking cuter...' I'll accompany you when I send you to the store IF you die your hair blonde..why dont you use hair gel..why dont you wear more make-up..most people spend more time in the mirror..everyone says i look good but when i bring up to him that his jeans show his butt crack he refuses to buy new jeans..

Butt crack? Whoa, that's major.

I'm not going to hate, but it sounds like you're fine the way you are.

Oh my gosh Junerain, may I ask why you are still with him? He sounds like a total jerk, and he also sounds extremely superficial and shallow.

Please don't allow yourself to be treated this way. You deserve someone who loves you for who you are, and who respects and accepts you unconditionally. Believe me, I totally understand, because I have been there myself. I was once with someone who was a biker guy, (nothing wrong with that) except that he wanted me to dress extremely provocatively, which I did a few times to please him (boy was I stupid) and it made me feel very bad about myself.(I also got a lot of the wrong type of attention, and downright nasty things said to me by women) I told him it wasn't me, and if he wasn't happy with the way I was then he'd better go find someone who better suited his needs. He wanted me to wear extreme amounts of makeup too, and couldn't seem to be intimate with me unless I was dressed like a prostitute! Thank goodness that relationship is over, whew! (The funny thing is, he called me one day apologizing for how he acted and said he realizes that what he had was already perfect. )

My boyfriend now loves me for who I am, and is the total opposite of this person I was once with. If I want to dress up, it's on MY terms now, and I would never allow anyone to try to change me again.

I really hope that your boyfriend wakes up and sees the true beauty in you, and stops trying to change you. If not, I hope you can find it within yourself to move on to someone who's more deserving of you.

Best Wishes,
Zen

Hm, don't want to be blunt but why is he with you if he wants to change you (more or less) completely? This is not on. He does not seem to appreciate you. You are not his property and he should love you for who you are, not what you are wearing etc. Maybe you should remind him about this.

Resist! Resist! Resist!

If you don't find anything wrong with the way you look, then there is no reason to change! You are beautiful no matter what! Forget what this creep is saying--he is the one who's WRONG!

run, do not pass go, do not collect $200, run. but, that's just my opinion.....

IMHO - tell him what's good for the goose is good for the gander..... if he wont cover up his butt crack (btw crack kills-lol) then you wont change one iota about YOU! - which btw you are fabulous just as God created you to be.


LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

P.S.
I put in my 20 years of make-up and heels, now I am being more down to earth and natural - and that makes getting ready easier - for him and me..... no more waiting.

If you're happy with the way you look, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks... especially not your boyfriend. If he wanted to be with you for who you are then he wouldn't be making those idiotic comments. Just my opinion, though. Hope you are able to work this out.

Ok now since I have already posted my first initial thought on this post...... I would now like to try and be the voice of reasoning.

Maybe your boyfriend just wants to see you DRESSED UP for him every now and then - is that to much to ask? - I often go out with out make-up on and my husband is ok with that and still gives me his LoVe...but he is human and still likes to see his wife looking pretty from time to time (and) I personally feel the same way about him and I am not trying to change him, just trying to feel nice inside (and maybe a little sexy).


LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

Junerain - assuming that he NEVER changes his position on this, do you feel that he is truly compatible for you?

((((((((( Junerian ))))))))))))

Get another boyfriend. Run, do not walk, away from him! That's abusive, plain and simple.

Hugs,

Jan

I like the way hillbunnyb put it best.

Don't stay with a guy who treats you like that. It can wear down your self-esteem, even when you have good self-esteem. Saying that "we" need to get you to look cuter is a way of him trying to make it sound like you two are doing something that will make both of you happy, but it's something he wants.

My ex-husband did this to me all the time, which is why I ask you (Junerain) to consider your compatibility with him. He never put it as flat-out criticism; he was always trying to "help" me and that "I" would feel better if I were thinner, wore shorter skirts, had a different hairstyle, wore different jewelry, etc.

I wouldn't go so far as to say it's abusive, but I definitely question whether he's really thinking of you or of himself. Sounds as though he has a predetermined image of what his girlfriend should look like, and he's trying to cram you into the mold.

It does not sound as though he is appreciating you for you, but just take the above into consideration, ok?

He's smothering your own identity! Don't go along with that! Leave him behind, hon!

(((((((((((((((((((( junerain )))))))))))))))))

Lots of fish in the sea.... might be time to go fishing again...

Tell him to either like who you are, and that you don't appreciate his nip picking. Also next time he complains about your hair or make up, ask him if he'd prefer to do it....I bet he'll say no.

Better yet, ask him for the money to get your hair done .. should only cost if your lucky $75... and money for new clothes.. ask him for his credit card... tell him sure..... I'll get all fixed up .. just give me the $'s and I will shop till i drop..... and all for you, honey pie... grins

Tell him to send me some bucks while he's got the credit card out!

From my own experiences I have found out that there are 2 things that guys like to show off to all the other guys around: the car and the girlfriend. They both gotta be flashy and make others jealous. That is the highlight of their day I guess!!
Your boyfriend is still a boy in the brain. He is not looking and maybe even not interested in you as a person. Maybe he is interested in your image as it seems. If you are ok with that, then write down his directions and follow them to the word. If you would like a deeper connection with a guy, check out of this relationship and don't waste your time.

He doesn't say stuff as much as I said..he has mental illness and it comes out in weird ways...he said he loves me even if I won't do as he says..he says I'm pretty and he loves me for who I am he just has this desire to change me..he says he just had to get these things out of his head instead of telling someone else..he is soft spoken and we have really deep conversations..always thinking of things I like to do and doing those things over what he likes to do..doesnt say these things more like he is struggling with not syaing them and not having these thoughts.

Who needs that. Remember, it's MEN WHO NEED WOMEN. Not women who need men.

~Lia
crazymusiclvr@aol.com

Here's the latest....I met someone else...!! things are going slow with the new guy yet now i have someone lined up to go to, someone much better. thank you for urging me to do this.