[Daybiday]

I have been in a long term relationship (5years) I was seventeen when we started dating by eighteen we were living together. I have drifted in our relationship a few times the last couple years never sexual and that's one reason I feel so confused. Recently I did it again and my boyfriend still wants to make things work but I have to figure out why I keep sabotaging our relationship . He has his downfalls but nothing to deserve what I keep doing! Am I staying in this relationship because its all I know? Guilt ? Do I need to let him go? I was a victim of rape and i wonder if that has anything to do with my relationship issues. What am i looking for obviously it's not for sexual gratification I'm so confused and feel helpless.

[Leed]

Hi my friend ~ Honey, did you get any help after the rape? I think it's time for you to get into therapy, not only for the "drifting" in your relationship, but for the rape that you had to endure. I feel you have a lot of issues that you haven't faced yet, and it's time to talk to a professional and get these issues taken care of. A good therapist can help you with this.

Talk to your medical doctor and have him refer you to a good therapist. He will know who is best to refer you to.

In the meantime, you certainly don't need to be "drifting" or getting involved with anyone else because right now you have enough "in your head' to deal with. If you feel so inclined, you COULD take a break from your boyfriend, but that would mean moving out -- I don't know if you feel like doing that or not. That's your choice. I wish you the very best. I do hope you will get into therapy.

Please keep us posted as to what happens. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[shezbut]

Hello Daybiday,

I agree with Leed.

It doesn't sound as though you've worked through the rape that you suffered. As a result, you find yourself holding back from your bf. A good guy that you can trust. then, you feel guilty. Around and around you go.

In my opinion, you need to step back physically from your bf and focus on working through your experience/s with a T (therapist). Hopefully, your bf will be willing to physically back off for a while ~ letting you focus on your health, and be there for you to lean on for emotional support.

Gentle hugs to you ~ take care...