[hester91]

I wasnt sure wheter to post on this forum or the anxiety forum. Let me start with - I love my husband. But he talks non stop. I mean every thought that is in his mind has to be expelled through his mouth. I feel guilty about feeling this way about him b/c he is a good husband, a good father, a good man. his voice is like a nail through my head. I have poor assertivness skills and even worse boundry issues but I do try to get through to him as tactfully as possible. I usually end up ripping his head off and of course i hurt hs feelings

He's out running errands right now but will be home soon and I just need to put this out there for someone to hear. Im struggleing right now to keep from breaking down with him.

It seems like im making a mountain into a mole hill but weve been married for a long time and I cant take it anymore.

He can be over powering, not physically but mentally, emotionally. I usually give in just to make him stop talking. I know that I sound stupid....the solution is easy..set boundries but its more complicated b/c of the nature of my child hood.

I think im just going to take a xanax or a couple of xanax to get me through the weekend.

[Leed]

OMG -- That would drive me absolutely NUTTY! Since you've told him about this, why does he keep on doing it? Doesn't he realize he's talking all the time? Is it just something he does without realizing it? Can you come up with a "code word" to say when he starts doing it, to let him know that he's doing it again, and he's to SHUT UP when you say that "code word?" At least then you wouldn't have to bite his head off. LOL

There's got to be a "condition" or something that makes him do this. Perhaps he needs to see a therapist. Have you considered asking him to see someone? This just doesn't sound normal to me. It sounds anxiety ridden to me. Is he an anxious-type man? Is he always worried, nervous, edgy, testy, etc.?

Dearheart, you do NOT sound stupid by any means. How you have endured this for "many years" is beyond me! I probably would have killed him by now, or else put a hit out on him. Having to live with someone who does this is just too cruel. lol I would ask him to see his doc first. Perhaps there's some medical reason. THEN I'd get him to a therapist if the doc says he's ok.

I wish you the very best my friend. Please let us know what happens, will you? I don't want to have to think that you're living like this forever. So PLEASE let us know, I beg you! God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

I agree, that would drive me insane too! I have a couple of neighbours who are like your hubby, and just a few moments of them talking 'at' me, switching subjects and going of on tangents leaves my brain aching trying to keep up, and me backing away to scuttle back into the safety of my home!!

Has your husband always been like this? I guess he may be anxious, like Leed said, but he could just be one of those people who has to fill any silences. He does need to know what he does tho, and be able to take a hint with good humour and give you a rest when you need it.

Have you sat down and talked with him (ha ha, sounds funny when talking about talking too much!) and tried to come to some agreement? I think waiting until you snap isnt a good way to handle it, and perhaps a few conversations, gently putting your point over may help?

Good luck, and hope you get to enjoy your weekends soon..
Hugs

[hester91]

Originally Posted by Leed

OMG -- That would drive me absolutely NUTTY! Since you've told him about this, why does he keep on doing it? Doesn't he realize he's talking all the time? Is it just something he does without realizing it? Can you come up with a "code word" to say when he starts doing it, to let him know that he's doing it again, and he's to SHUT UP when you say that "code word?" At least then you wouldn't have to bite his head off. LOL

There's got to be a "condition" or something that makes him do this. Perhaps he needs to see a therapist. Have you considered asking him to see someone? This just doesn't sound normal to me. It sounds anxiety ridden to me. Is he an anxious-type man? Is he always worried, nervous, edgy, testy, etc.?

Dearheart, you do NOT sound stupid by any means. How you have endured this for "many years" is beyond me! I probably would have killed him by now, or else put a hit out on him. Having to live with someone who does this is just too cruel. lol I would ask him to see his doc first. Perhaps there's some medical reason. THEN I'd get him to a therapist if the doc says he's ok.

I wish you the very best my friend. Please let us know what happens, will you? I don't want to have to think that you're living like this forever. So PLEASE let us know, I beg you! God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

Hey there Leed,

Oh he most definitively has a problem with anxiety, undiagnosed, but definitively a problem. He knows that he does. He truly doesnt mean to cause me anxiety. He's not a mean spirited person, not by any stretch of the imagination. Thats why I endure it . Its almost like a nervous tick. whereas, I bottle up my "ticks", his flow freely. He's a worrier. Hes a very sensible person so I dont understan why he wont enter therapy of even family counseling.

There is some history behind this story so make yourself comfortable, get yourself a glass of wine.

He saved me from my family. I mean that quite literally. My childhood was chaotic to put it mildly. Domestic violence or rather, there were alot of *** kickings, not on me but my mother and some siblings , there are 9 of us. We all had to learn to survive in different ways in that house. Numerous sexual abuse traumas, rape.... you get the gist of it.

Ive struggled with depression, bipolar, anxiety and quite a few hospitalizations. I caused my family alot of heartache. I made my own home chaotic for my husband and kids. He's stood by me, supported and cared for me. He still does!! He was mother to our kids when I was unable to mother them. He could have easily kicked me to the curb. He would have been perfectly justified. It takes fortitude to live with me because I can be difficult, unintentionally, but difficult none the less. I have to call a spade a spade. He did me a monumental favor. It was a leap of faith to marry me knowing my history. It sounds callous but the love was incidental, for both of us. But it is genuine love.

. Im embarrassed to admit this but, I asked him to marry me. Primarily to get me out of the asylum that I called home. I was barely 19 and he was 26. I needed a stabalizing figure in my life and he was that stabalizing figure. We've been married for 26 years and we've had our ups and downs, we have 2 really great kids. We love each other very much. We have a good marriage, save this tick of his and my many mental health issues. I truly am fortunate, despite my childhood. Even with that, my parents did their best. Ive had alot of unfortunate things happen to me but I have had plenty of good things also. I recognize my good fortune and am grateful.

SO, how can I not return the favor.?? How do I accomplish that while still taking care better care of myself???

Thanks for listening. Hope the wine helped.

[adam_k]

I'm sorry for all that you went through as a child. It sounds like he is a positive influence, minus the minor nuisance of him talking all the time. Have you though about a hobby? Something to distract you when he rattles your nerves? Sometimes we annoy the hell out of spouses and never really get it. My wife has a big pet peeve of me turning on the TV when she is listening to music. She hates conflicting sounds and finds it rude. She told me (or rather gave me the stare) and now I don't do it anymore, or if I want to watch TV I tell her before I turn it on. Can you try talking to him and let it him know he doesn't have to fill the silence? Just my thought.
My wife also proposed to me. It was kinda weird and uncomfortable, but it was genuine. We were dating for about 2 years and we were still in college, around 21 years old I think. We were in her moms house in my wives room, and she was drinking a little. She had a heart to heart moments and laid soul out to bear, basically saying I was the person she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. It was a real genuine moment, minus the jagermister and Cheetos kiss, that was kinda gross. A month later I bought her a ring and proposed to her at the place we first meet. Just thought I would share that.

[hester91]

Originally Posted by adam_k

I'm sorry for all that you went through as a child. It sounds like he is a positive influence, minus the minor nuisance of him talking all the time. Have you though about a hobby? Something to distract you when he rattles your nerves? Sometimes we annoy the hell out of spouses and never really get it. My wife has a big pet peeve of me turning on the TV when she is listening to music. She hates conflicting sounds and finds it rude. She told me (or rather gave me the stare) and now I don't do it anymore, or if I want to watch TV I tell her before I turn it on. Can you try talking to him and let it him know he doesn't have to fill the silence? Just my thought.
My wife also proposed to me. It was kinda weird and uncomfortable, but it was genuine. We were dating for about 2 years and we were still in college, around 21 years old I think. We were in her moms house in my wives room, and she was drinking a little. She had a heart to heart moments and laid soul out to bear, basically saying I was the person she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. It was a real genuine moment, minus the jagermister and Cheetos kiss, that was kinda gross. A month later I bought her a ring and proposed to her at the place we first meet. Just thought I would share that.

Hey Adam,

That has got to be one for the books. Cheetos and jagermeister....Priceless!! i love a good engagement story. We worked in a grocery store, he stood in line to pay for groceries and payed me with an engagement ring.

I have my own little quirks that annoy him. Somehow, it bothers him when I eat peanut brittle or pistachios in bed. What a big baby, Haha.
The excessive sound in my house annoy me too so I walk around with my ipod. Its a good compromise. In the end I guess it all evens out.

He saw that he was stressing me and asked, with a straight face, if I wanted him to go out and get me some Midol. I love it when men use that line. Classic!! I told him that there's a pill for PMS but there is none for, what we refer to as, SRS, semen retention syndrome.

The man is a gem though.

Im going to try to learn to crochet.

Thanks Adam. I needed the levity, Cheetos and Jagermeister.....

[Leed]

Hey Hester ~ Wow, you're brutally honest, and I like that in a person. You've been thru hell, and there's no doubt about that. It does sound like he rescued you from that hell, but at the same time he's driving you insane! You've got to find a way to let him know that he's got to stop this.

I can't believe that he's "happy" being this anxious - I'm sure he doesn't realize that he's talking all the time at this point. He's done it so long that it's become 2nd nature to him. Perhaps even the anxiety is 2nd nature -- I remember when I had anxiety, I'd had it so long I didn't even KNOW I had it. My doctor recognized it, by all my fidgeting and rapid pulse.

Do you think you could sit him down and tell him you're concerned about him and get him to go to the doctor? Or is he one of those MANY men who hate doctors? If you express your deep concern about his health and anxiety and how you don't want him to have a heart attack, perhaps he'll go. Then I would THINK the doctor would see how anxious he REALLY is and put him on an anti-anxiety medication! I would hope that would STOP him from talking all the time! It's worth a shot -- you might have to get him to the doc kicking & scratching, but it'll be worth it. LOL

Let us know what happens, will you? I'd sure like to know. Take care, my friend. I'm worried about YOU. God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

[hamster-bamster]

I certainly would not be able to put up with such a man. I have a friend like that. He wanted to marry me fifteen years ago and have many kids with me. I married someone else for twelve years and disappeared from my friend's life. I did look him up a couple of weeks ago and we exchanged many emails on that day. He told me that he lived alone. That his daughter whom he had raised alone post the divorce lived with her bf. I wondered why he lived alone. Did not he want to get married and have many more children? What happened to that plan?

Next day we went to have lunch together. After twenty minutes I realized why he had not married. He talks non-stop. Nobody would put up with that. A very nice good guy otherwise.

[hester91]

god hes a great guy. i love him very much. im just tired. All adviice that ive been given is solid but im not able to do it. no backbone???? i feel like a fool but he is my sense of security. its in my best interest. to keep him...safe, happy..??? not sure. just tired and need to cry.

no negative comments about my husband please. makes me feel guilty. support but no critisism.
Sorry for gibberish.

[hamster-bamster]

I-pod with earphones, maybe?

[adam_k]

I know how you feel. Our spouses do things sometimes that annoy us, but it makes them happy so we endure. My wife still sleeps with a stuffed teddy bear she got when she was four. The bear is 24 years old now and it looks it. Most of the fur is missing from the stomach and its fur is all matted and kinda yucky. Sometimes I want to hide the bear so she will lay on my chest instead, but I know she will miss the bear. She even names the bear, it's called "fluffy". It comforts hear, so I let it go. I guess you pick your battles right?

[unaluna]

So I would treat it as if it were a small new problem. "Gee you're a Chatty Cathy today, but I don't feel like talking right now." And I really think that going thru therapy has changed the amount of talking I do. I used to feel like I had no boundaries so of course I talked to everyone. Now I'm not so darn bubbly. I'm more self contained.