Should I laugh or cry?

Work is trying to show they care about their staff, so they've got this new 'health-check' system on the company web. Basically it asks a bunch of health related questions and then suggests ways you can improve your life.

So, partly for the entertainment value, I filled it all in. The good news is that my 'health age' (whatever one of them is) is the same as my actual age. Still apparently I could be 11 years younger if I followed their advice. Along with the usual "lose some weight", "get some exercise" stuff that seems to be everywhere these days was a new one "consider getting a life partner" because people with 'life partners' live longer!.

I'm 40, shy, I guess pretty unattractive and have never had a date, so where do this system think I'm going to get this "life partner"? It's not as if they're on sale at the local supermarket I half expected it to say "I've added your details to a dating site" or "there's a girl on the fifth floor you may like"

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Even the bloody computers are telling me to get a girlfriend now! If only they could tell me how, or tell me what's wrong with me so I can fix it. I'm against the idea of arranged marriages, but there are times where, for me, they seem like a really good idea! Mind you, I'd still have to get over my shyness to talk to the poor girl after we're married so maybe it's unfair to subject her to a life of silence .

These data are correlational, remember. Perhaps healthier people marry anyway. There is something to be said about having someone to talk to and care about, though. For that matter, even having a pet is a healthy thing. Do you happen to care about animals?

As far as laughing or crying, I think I would laugh. If you are okay the way you are, then that's fine. However, if you would like to see about making some changes to at least have some female friends, then you might want to get some suggestions/support from a counselor. I went into therapy years ago, and my therapist told me my behavior was making males hesitant to ask me out. Before too long--more dates and then a huuby, now of 24 years! (However, my health ain't all that great. )

Thanks for your kind words Payne.
I definitely want to make some changes in my life. Being single and never having a SO didn't really bother me until about a year ago as I approached my 40th. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I got down. With the help of a friend, I'm back on more of an even keel, but haven't really addressed the loneliness I feel even though I share a house with a lady and her daughter who are as close to family as you can get. Unfortunately you can't reach the level of intimacy with a friend that I think I'm craving. We're are not, have not and will never be "with benefits"

I am slowly starting to become more comfortable with the idea of a therapist or something to help me find the tools or strategies to help me out of my shell. It's funny in a way, I can talk to people perfectly happily on here, but put me in front of a real-life person and I clam up like a ... erm ... clam (more so if that person is female).

Hi astenon!
ummmmmmmmmmmmmm methinks beads wuold have to laugh too.........u know these corporate ppls. in all their infinite wisdom seem to forget that they r dealign with REAL peopls with REAL lives who havbe REAL ISSUES................ u know what beads mean..............so we say lzaugh.........and if not haveign a SO is really a problem then mabe some therapy to help u unclam-up wuold be helpfull, or as payne suggested a pet is even an awesome companion..............beads has a service dog adn a bf....................guess wh is uor goodest freind? its NOT the bf!!!!!!!!!
hope thigns work uot for u!
sendign peacefull thunkeds and warm regards,
beads

Thank you Beads. We do have a pet in the house, Jack the Rabbit. He's a great listener although likes dropping fur all over you as a thanks for giving him a hug Unfortunately, as he's a bloke, he's not helping me too much with the ladies I'll try and look into a therapist when I can get the monies together.

Thanks again for your thoughts. Happy belated birthday.

AWWWWWWWWWWWWW.................many many thanks astenon...................u r so sweet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
best of luck to u!!!!!
warm regards,
all of us beadies

Astenon I love your since of humor. I laughed as I read your thread. I hope that is ok.

"Mind you, I'd still have to get over my shyness to talk to the poor girl after we're married so maybe it's unfair to subject her to a life of silence"

Isn't there aomething somewhere about silence being a vertue. I could definiately see myself w/ a quiet individual. Oh how nice that would be.

I'm shy to except for here. It's something about getting to avoid face to face rejection and finding safety in not having to be so fully exposed. We have no idea how each other look, how crooked one's teeth are, how thick one's glasses are, how big boned one might be and that makes us all on a level playing field. We are all gorgeous right.

Lacking facial expressions and body language we have to primarily focus on written language. What a blessing that is. Because when I speak it is more of a "Open mouth insert foot" kinda deal. And my body language says nervous wreck. So no wonder we are fairly successful here.

I just want to take a moment and think you for your thoughtful words in some of my previous posts. You are a sweet individual.

"I laughed as I read your thread. I hope that is ok."
Of course it's OK. I guess humour is my defence mechanism and I tend to get down when I have a SoH failure. If my inane ramblings can brighten your (or anyone's) day just a little bit that I'm a happy man.

I sooo know that nervous wreck feeling. I shake so much when nervous it looks as though I'm doing the Jitterbug dance (think that's what it was called). We're talking whole body shaking going on. It's not pretty.

"We have no idea how each other look"
I try very hard not to think of you with a 3-way Mohican thing going on like in your avatar pic

"You are a sweet individual."
<blush>
Thank-you. That's two posts on the trot that called me sweet. I'm on a roll

LOL Get a life partner That is a new one! Hubby's company requires this "wellness checkup" to be compliant with our health insurance. Maybe you can use your flex account for the online dating services! Perhaps your health coach can set you up on a date?

Thanks for reminding me I have to pick something to lie... er work on this year. Any suggestions? We have to have a minimum of three health coaching calls per year. It's all scripted I think. Every year I tell them I will eat any veggie raw, I just do not like them cooked. Their suggestion: rinse frozen, canned veggies to remove salt. But I don't like them cooked. "Try steaming them for better flavor." But I do not like cooked vegetables. "If you rinse and steam them they are healthier than reheating in butter or sauce." BUT I DO NOT LIKE COOKED VEGGIES!!! You can poke a hole in a zip top bag and steam them in the microwave. Ok, I will rinse and steam any cooked veggie I eat now.

That's a superb idea. Match.com on the company credit card
I can just see the snotty emails I'd get from the finance department. Unfortunately, I'm not sure "the wellness check told me to get a 'life partner'" would constitute a valid reason for the expense

As for you're 3 things, isn't it better to eat raw vegetables that cooked ones? Why are they telling you to cook them?
A suggested improvement you could add is "I will do 30 mins walk a day". After all, most of us must spend at least that walking (or chasing the kids) around the home/office/whatever on the average day without even realising.

I have some pretty severe problems with my feet that they are well aware of that limit my mobility. So the walks are out for an area to work on. I should have had the surgery years ago when our insurance was excellent. But at the time my children were small and who can carve out 6 months (3 per foot minimum) to recover when you're raising children?

My frustration is that it's all smoke and mirrors. We MUST participate or we will be denied health insurance, but they can't actually help with anything. They'll send a million emails for links on healthier cooking, how much water you should drink in a day etc. but anything else and they're useless. OH and they'll send me coupons for OTC medications that are similiar to the Rx ones I take.

When the program first began I was excited. I thought it would be a bridge to the insurance company. At that time my GI specialist increased my Nexium to twice a day. The insurance company declined to cover this, stating that it was not the customary dosage. This is a "premium" medication (we now have three catagories. Generic, Name brand, and Premium) and they will only pay a portion of premium. My GI tried to work with them and say ok, Nexium in the morning and a similiar one (I forget the brand) in the evening. Nope, they'll pay for one, not the other. My doctor was as mad as a wet hen. He attempted to fix the problem himself but "could not speak to anyone with any medical knowledge whatsoever." So I made my first call with a list of things that the insurance company decided they were not going to follow the doctor's orders on eager to find a compromise that would increase my quality of life. Nope. They could not help me there. They are a sub-contractor of the insurance company and have no contact with them at all. They can send me links, tell me how to cook veggies, drink more water, get more sleep, eat five small meals a day, etc.

So I have to make a minimum of three calls a year. Although the program is paid for for an entire year and I may have as many calls as I want . I agreed to say I would cook the veggies because that is the only way I can get them off of the phone. They don't listen. For example, my health coach suggested dipping celery in ranch or putting peanut butter on it. I LOVE celery, I eat it plain, I do not need to dip it in or cover it with anything to make it better. That was a 45 minute conversation while I was moving my daughter into her freshman dorm of college. OK, I'LL DIP IT IN FAT FREE RANCH DRESSING. So we have 15 minutes of "my area of improvement" and 15 (as long as I go along with the program) of healthier eating.

Vegetables that contain vitamin A are better cooked and combined with a source of fat. It greatly increases the absorption of vitamin A. Other than that, it is a matter of preference.

H-B. I didn't know that. Thank-you

AAAAA, That's bloody typical! These out-sourcing deals these companies do are pretty much useless for the end-users. Still at the corporate level they're seen to be doing good and at a fixed cost, so the accountants are happy. They're probably the only ones though.

On the plus side, at least it looks like you've got a doctor who will help fight your corner. Those seem to be quite rare nowadays.

Sounds like that program is a bit of a waste of time. Now you know that, you can just agree to whatever 'life improvements' they come up with and roll with it. Should cut it down to a 5/10 min conversation

It is a waste of time and money. I wish I was smart enough to just roll with the punches. Every time I get one of those calls I tell myself "just agree with them and get off of the phone!" One year I made the mistake of telling her that I did not read the welcome aboard packet. I was on the phone for over an hour that time. I will never make that mistake again!

My doctor is very frustrated with our insurance company. He is very insulted that some "high school drop out that answers the phone" is going to tell him how he should run his medical practice. It was a whole big deal, we had to schedule a conference call (a meeting to dispute their findings). I'm sure they were surprised he was willing to go that far, he was. The end result was he can prescribe what he feels is necessary, they're still not going to pay for it. We went from having the best medical coverage in the state to the worst all in under 6 years. BUT we do have that wellness program with a health coach to bridge the gap. The employees have requested that they pay for gym memberships, weight watchers, pay for anti-smoking meds, classes etc, things that would actually make a difference. Employers reply: That's what your health coach is for.

Argh! How ridiculous.

AAAAA, next time they call tell them that you're too busy steaming vegetables to talk at the moment and they'll have to call you back