I suppose I gotta take the blame because I dare to have expectations. Seriously , is it too much to expect a birthday present...........just something to show that you were thinking of me? I tried not to expect much from him, and even spent my B-day at my mom's. I returned home to a totally impersonal card, and a slice of cake. Can he really be that ignorant? Then, I look at him, and ask, "That's it? Where my present?" And he sheepishly looks at me, and smiles and giggles, like he's saying, "Ooopsy." I ask again, "Is this a joke, you're kidding, right? No present?" At this point, I have tears welling up. I just calmly walk away, and now he knows he's done something wrong. But, he just says he was gonna take me to a movie and dinner, then goes back to playing his precious video game. I told him earlier I was eating at my mom's, so I wasn't even hungry. If he listened, he would've known that. I feel like he was happy he got to be alone, and didn't even think of me on the stupid day of my stupid birth. Then, I asked him what he was thinking, why he thinks I wouldn't be hurt if he didn't get me a tiny little gift? Why the heck can he never sign his freakin' name on a card too? Then he starts apologizing, and I can't stand it because all he's still thinking about is himself and how he doesn't want to feel guilty anymore. I thought he even cried a little, and asked him, but of course not. The guy would never shed a tear for me. Then, he tries to turn it around on me, "I don't know what to get you! You are hard to shop for!" After sifting though his BS, he finally admits that he doesn't like doing things for people, it's too much effort. But, then he races out to Walgreen's and dumps a bunch of made in china toxic junk in my lap..............just so he won't feel guilty. Do men do this when they simply don't care about you, or are some of them truly this ignorant and selfish? It's taking me awhile to accept either idea. Guess I should be grateful that at least he remembered my B-day. I can't understand when I hear about men forgetting their GF or wife's birthday's. How could you forget something like that? And if you do have a really poor memory, write it down for god's sake. Funny, how they remember what days/times the football games are on for the whole freakin' season though.

[adam_k]

Being a husband I can say we are pretty stupid and inconsiderate sometimes. I wouldn't be too hard on him though. Most guys don't really celebrate their birthdays, at least the ones I know. For him a card and some cake was his way of saying I care about you and happy birthday, and he did offer to take you out to dinner, albeit he should have said a movie or something since you already ate. Him feeling guilty about not getting you what you wanted shows it bothers him when your not happy with him. If he didn't care you would have just said be happy with the cake and went back to what he was doing. Instead he went out and tried to find you something. Women are hard to shop for. When I get something for my wife, I spend 3 hours or so in a store looking at everything asking myself will she like this? Eventually I find something and I say I'm 70% sure she will like it, but I don't know. I think next year you will have a present. I hope this helps.

[Anika.]

Hmm he said he doesn't like doing stuff for people cause it's too much effort ? Did he even ask how your day was?

I have not dated any men like that, my boyfriend would never do that. And I am hard to shop for, its the effort and thought. It doesn't take a whole lot to make someone feel special.

Does he put effort into the relationship? I find his answer of not likeing doing stuff for people cause it takes effort a huge turn off. Does he like people to do stuff for him? Does he like or want others to make effort?

Lots of guys might do this, but tons don't. I have a feeling it is not just the birthday that is the problem.

I am sorry you ended up having a crappy birthday. It is resonable to expect your partner of all people to show you that you matter to them on your birthday. It's not rocket science and if he can put all that effort into his video game then apparently he has some energy to put some effort into you.

Isn't this the same guy who is hiding your relationship? Can I ask why you are still with him? He certainly doen't seem o be offering you much of anything at all in the relationship.

[Inedible]

My wife tells me explicitly what she expects and I do it. During the year I will see things and get them for her, unasked, and those are more surprises. A movie she has talked about or new slippers or a favorite food or something like that. Bigger things from time to time. When it counts, though, she lets me know what will make her happy. To be honest, though, I am the one who is hard to shop for because for the most part I don't want anything and I would rather she kept the money instead of buying something for me. It took me a couple years to get her to realize that she was really sick and tired of bothering with cards.

So my suggestion is, decide what would make you happy and spell it out in detail. And don't assume that a year from now he will remember. By then the emotional impact will have dulled. While you are at it, be sure to let him know how to handle your anniversary and Christmas and Valentines Day and anything else. Hmm. That reminds me. I had totally forgotten about Valentines Day.