Still not getting my emotional needs met....

<font color="purple">Hubby is away doing an over the road run this week.... We talked some more about what it is I am in need of.... he just doesnt know what to do about it.... His answer is usually physical.... that doesnt do anything for me.... I crave emotional attention.... I tried talking with him in a non offending manner and give him ideas.... he is trying.... I am pleased that he is..... just havent reached any satisfaction yet... I have been spending time with my kids, which has been great quality time.... but I refuse to let them feel responsible for my emotional needs, as I know what that is like.... so am I wrong for wanting it met by my husband?? Not sure I know the difference between what is reasonable expectations from spouse and what I need to be doing for myself???? I am a spiritual person and pray.... </font>

While I think that in a relationship it is expected and wanted that our partner to give us some emotional support (I mean, I think that's one of the reasons we don't want to be alone and have everything fall on our own shoulders. Plus, they should know us better than anyone else since they're with us more than most others), it also shouldn't be expected for all or even the majority of it to come from our partners. That would be an unfair expectation.

I think it's good that you look to a higher power and also realize that you do need to find some of your strength and support from within.

This might be a good question to ask your spiritual leader or therapist.

How long have you been together? If you can make friends in other places, clubs etc. (like women's get togethers or something) Is he pretty good to you? Maybe you need to take an art class or a sewing (quilting class). Love RAZEL

if he is willing to go to couples therapy, give that a try. it's hell to be with someone who doesn't understand your emotional needs. i'm sorry that you're experiencing that. i hated it. good luck, xoxoxo pat

I truly wonder how much of our emotional needs can be met with a romantic partner. Married a long time to someone who had no clue, I mean NO CLUE about emotional intimacy, I finally left after 20 years. Divorced 9 years now, and having dated quite a bit with several long term relationshlps, none of them were willing to create true emotional intimacy. I am thinking Wifighter is right about finding it within yourself. At age 55 now, I'm not wanting to share my space with anyone. I'm a grad student in Fine Art at a local university and currently selling my house and downsizing, planning on paying off all my bills and being solo content!
Patty

i think there are soulmates out there. i've met a few. but boy, are they few and far between.

i actually have a young Navajo friend who is closer to a soulmate, for me, than anyone else that i've met. we're able to look at one another and know what is going through our squirrely heads.

Bill and i are very close and we talk alot. but i still find myself wishing he'd open up more.....

No, I think it is not unreasonable to want our partner to satisfy our emotional needs. I mean, that is the reason, or part of the reason, one commits to a relationship after all.

Seeing you have already tried talking to him about it and it is not yet fulfilling, maybe you should talk about it, with him, to a therapist as a way forward and/or bring more insight to the situation. Good luck.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
razeljenny said:
How long have you been together? If you can make friends in other places, clubs etc. (like women's get togethers or something) Is he pretty good to you? Maybe you need to take an art class or a sewing (quilting class). Love RAZEL

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

<font color="purple">We beentogether 20 yrs, married 17 yrs... He is very good to me.... He is very good about calling me couple times a day just to say I love you and how is your day... He does try hard to do something even simple , nice for me each day... so maybe its just me, and I am confusing what I think I want with I what I really need to do for myself.... </font>

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
fayerody said:
if he is willing to go to couples therapy, give that a try. it's hell to be with someone who doesn't understand your emotional needs. i'm sorry that you're experiencing that. i hated it. good luck, xoxoxo pat

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

<font color="purple"> He might, I will have to ask him... We did do it once before , like 6 yrs ago..... Trouble was, the therapists (we had two) wanted to focus on me and my mental health first and then the marriage part of the counseling took the back burner.....

But I will discuss it with him and see what he thinks...

Something we have started doing is having a date night every few weeks.... Man that was soooooo nice!!!!!!!!! Our next one is this friday night.... I cant wait........ </font>

<font color="purple"> The more I anayalze my situation the more I think it is me and within myself than it is about my hubby.... I am just not sure I know the difference and how to figure it out.... But this is helping me.... So I thank you all for posting.... </font>

<font color="purple">I cant imagine my life without him..... No he doesnt possess every quality I would want in my ideal man.... but really who has every quality?... I know I sure dont every quality he would like in an ideal woman, LOLOLOL>>>>> but I feel like he is the one for me.... I think part of it is our understanding of the communication that we have.... I feel that we both are very open, but just dont understand well.....

He is being pulled in many different ways... His dad passed away last Sept and his mom is always calling him for help... So he is taking care of two households... We have 4 kids, who want his attention too, plus he works full time... So he does have a lot on his plate..... maybe I should be giving him more attention.... Now that is a thought....... Maybe he is tapped out and needs my attention emtional to refuel.... I will have to talk to him about that....</font>

Dear SerentiysWave,

((((((( HUGS ))))))) - I know that you are not asking your husband to meet all your emotional needs, but that you are just asking him to meet the needs you have that only your SPOUSE can fill.... I have been there and understand.
And YES, while what the others on here have been saying is true that you need to have some of your needs fulfilled by others in your life (for no one person can do that for you) and that you need to find something that makes you happy from within..... YOU still need your heart to be filled by the one you love.... or all the other things / people will not matter.

I have been married for 20 years and while I needed certain things from my husband to feel loved as ME the FEMALE, I also failed to see how he was loving me as HIM the MALE.... working to support his family, doing things around the house, asking me to play paintball with him, watching football with him on the couch etc.... What I was missing here was that while I the woman wanted to bond thru emotions / intimacy - that my husband the man was bonding with me while we did things together (diff if the species).

NOW - knowing all this helped me to see that I was indeed LOVED and being LOVED by my husband (in his own way) just different from how I needed to feel love / cherishment.... so with that knowledge I was able to relax and not push so hard.... and in time we talked about what each other needed to FEEL LOVED by the other one - He named his top 5 things and I named my top 5 things and then we tried to make at least 3 of them happen on a weekly basis.


LoVe,
Rhapsody - (hoping some of that info helps)

P.S.

If YOU like to read and to learn about relationships and why we do things / react in certain ways as humans (both male & female) - please look into these three books..... the interesting INFO held within their pages helped me to save my marriage of 20 years and to better understand my husband and the things he does as a man.

BOOKS: (scroll to bottom of page)
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/159...e=UTF8&s=books

LINK: http://formenonlybook.com/

LINK: http://4-womenonly.com/index.aspx

3rd BOOK: http://www.booksamillion.com/ncom/bo...pid=1591451876


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Rhapsody, I agree with you and I too will read that information some time soon and appreciated your post as well. Thankyou

YOU are WELCOME..... and thanks for letting ME know.... it helps me to continue on.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

I went to : http://4-womenonly.com/index.aspx and listened to Shaunti speak to women on streaming video and it was educational and very good. razel

I am new here. I just joined five minutes ago and I happened to read your post. My husband is a truck driver so the first sentence in your post really caught my attention. I am sure that I understand in some way the different feelings you must be having. I am a psychology major and I joined this forum initially because of an assignment, but looking through here gives me the understanding that I could potentially learn a lot from other people's opinions and I think this website will be great for me to further my learning experience. I absolutely love to help people which is why I chose this major.

I am not sure if you have posted about your problem before, it sounds like you have, but I am not sure of your exact problem. I know you said that you need more emotional attention from your husband, but I am unsure how this began, what you have said to him in the past, what exactly it is that you want, and what you have said to him to try to get what you want. As I said, I have probably been through much of the same emotions as you, so if i can help in anyway, I will. I am just hoping for a little more info!

Sincerely,
Teri

<font color="purple">Thank you Rhapsody!! I am definetly looking into these books.... What you posted made a lot of sense to me....

He is home early and tonight after the kids are in bed I will talk with him about what I have been feeling and that I want to discuss what his needs are as well....

Thank you! </font>