[Karlam1991]

My parents divorced close to two years ago I'm older I'm 21
And I understand they just did not get along
My dad has anger issues and I might do too.

The problem is my mom won't get over it
She keeps crying all this time begs him to come back but he just doesn't want to.
I do my best to keep her off of thinking and locked up in her room, she won't get a job, I beg her to eat!! It's all exhausting
I spend so much money taking her out to fancy places.. But she just won't change!!!

Yesterday my dad came over to give my younger sister money
My mom went after him crying and after he left she laid in the street crying !!
I could not believe this it broke my heart
I love her!!
She went to her room and for the first time I yelled at her
And ask her what was wrong with her!!
She kept saying she has no reason to live..
That made me mad!!
I kept yelling and I hitted myself really hard with my hands
Than I pushed her I wanted to hit her
I kept saying that she does not care for my sisters nor me!
She doesn't love us enough to pull herself together!!

Idk why I did that I never treated my mom like that before..
I'm tired

Hour later I came back to senses and went to hug her!!

Is something wrong with me?? Am I becoming a bad person?

[IowaFarmGal]

I think you are understandably very stressed by this. She needs help bad. I'm not sure how to go about getting it for her. No you're not a bad person, I think you are just pushed too far with this. Are there other family members with more influence on her? If she really feels she has no reason to live she might need the hospital.

[Karlam1991]

No family really. She doesn't want to tell them the whole story and she won't make friends bc the last friend she had..was the woman my dad moved in with..
I know really messed up...she just doesn't trust anyone.

She has had it rough but at the same time no one was happy when my dad was home
He constantly verbally abused her...so she's way better off without him!!

[hamster-bamster]

The situations when the man moves in with the woman's best friend are fairly common. Not rampant, but do happen from time to time. You need to realize that it is twice bad for your mother - she lost her husband AND her friend and she feels betrays be her husband AND her friend. So she needs therapy. Can you suggest it to her? She probably also needs antidepressants - that would be my guess.

But definitely nothing is your fault and there is nothing that you personally can do.

[optimize990h]

I find it very difficult when the relationship/marriage has one person having to be the one to leave or initiate separation. The feeling of a dilemma when the person left still wants the relationship to continue, not wanting to be alone, feeling unwanted. I understand that pain.

It is a loss like death is a loss. Myself,I found the grieving process has no time limit, but the need to function for practical reasons is often difficult because of depression as well.

No you are not a bad person. You have a dilemma. Your mother is having a bad time, but you know that you and your sister need her to act as a mother.

You can not be an offspring and a parent at the same time. It is very difficult. Just understand that may have happened to you, to have those feelings and actions.

The sisters, you, and mother need support from a community mental health resource or some social or volunteer service.

You can always be accepted here at PC and perhaps you will find the help you need.

Take care. Remember, you are not a bad person. You cared enough for your mother(regrets) and your sisters(their need for their mother).

[Karlam1991]

We have told her to go to therapy.
But she doesn't even try to go.
We are trying to find her a job
But the last one she had she kept calling in sick till she got fired.

Hopefully we find one soon.
I know being home is boring and even more depressing.
And believe me I try to support her..
I'm dealing with my mother and my drug addict boyfriend..
I know there is nothing I can do for him but it still makes me sad from time to time.
But just for her I put a smile on my face everyday

[hamster-bamster]

The trouble is, "We have told her to go to therapy.
But she doesn't even try to go" is just another symptom of her depression. So I guess you will need to make an appointment for her and make her go. Schedule a restaurant date with your mother right after the appointment, to make it not just mental health but also fun.