[Sohurt820]

I'm a 52 year old woman who's childhood best friend slept with my daughters father thirty years ago. My story is very simple we celebrate Christmas on the eve. At the end of the night I asked my daughter father to walk her home after an 10 min walk turned into an hour I became frighten and at 3:00 folks from the party and myself went looking for him. As I started to knock on her house door I heard noise so I looked in a hole that was in the door and saw them having sex. I didn't say a work I just waited until they were finish and slapped the mess out of him and ran home packed my things and tGood morning I'm so tired can't wait to Aapri gets up so I can sleep.
Wondering what's up for Mothers Day?
Wanted to know if folks wanted to chip in and pay for Mommy tkt to see Pri?
Took my 9 month old daughter with me. This woman was my best friend we share a lot, she was my daughters godmother, when her home caught fire I gave her my daughters bedroom until her home was fix. Eventually he married her and had a daughter who is 23.
I don't want her in my life, I leave her life alone but my daughter keeps her father involve in her life and this witch keeps hanging around. My daughter just had our first grand and I don't want my grand over there. When is this going to
Stop this train ride is causing too much pain. Most women would have never let him be apart of her life I did and now I'm paying a terrible price for being civil. Please help me understand why my daughter doesn't

[hamster-bamster]

Your daughter wants her father to be part of her life because he is her father. She has a right to have her father in her life. His second wife probably comes with the territory.

What do you mean by saying that most women would not let the father be part of the daughter's life? When she was a minor, he had a legal right to be part of her life. Now that she is an adult, she makes the decisions on whether to let him be part of her life. In both cases you are not in the picture: the legal right was independent of you and her own decisionmaking is independent of you. It might hurt but it is the reality.

It is not fair to the daughter to expect her to take your side.

Please post about your anger, resentment, and hurt, and perhaps seek therapy for healing, but do not expect the daughter, or, in the future, the grandchildren, to take sides.

[Big Mama]

Honey, she can't possibly begin to understand. She is 23 for starters. This man is her father, she cannot fathom the feelings you have regarding this man. It's like comparing apples to oranges. He's was your husband, but he is her father. You and your daughter both share the same issue, inability to understand the others viewpoint. I don't think your daughter is trying to be insensitive, this man will always be her dad. He has little to no connection to you because he is your ex husband. That is where the difference lye's.

[LovelaceF]

I feel very sorry for you, carrying this pain around for 30 years. I don't think most women would keep their child's father away from their daughter over cheating, especially not for years and years. The price you're paying is not for civility, IMO. It is the price of carrying a grudge. Holding a grudge only hurts you, not the person who betrayed you. It's like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die, as they say. Is there a counsellor or therapist that you could talk to about this?

[tinyrabbit]

I'm sorry but what you're asking from her isn't fair.

[hamster-bamster]

I think you are trying to use the daughter as a tool of vengeance. Several observations:

- people generally do not like to be used as tools. They prefer to be treated as humans. That is on a general level.

- more specifically, people do not like to be used as tools of vengeance.

- even more specifically, children REALLY do not like to be used as tools of vengeance in the hands of their parents.

[Sohurt820]

Thank you for the comments. Yes her father is in her life and that was always the plan, my problem is I just want us to be separate I don't hold a grudge I just don't like him. I'm with my daughter and granddaughter right now and he had been calling everyday since I've been here and that has been almost four weeks each day he calls and the questions are what is your doing , what's she cook, how's she doing Why? I am sure his wife is not around my daily operations does not need to be reported to him?

[hamster-bamster]

Agreed. That is a completely different issue.

Whom does he interrogate - you or the daughter?