[joway018]

hi my names joey and im 18 years old. im new to this site i just dont know where else to go. lately me and my mom have been having some serious issues. iv been feeling for a while like a black sheep in my family and that the only person who genuinely cares about me is my grandmother. my mom has kicked me out twice granted it was my fault due to a drug addiction but the last time i became clean and moved back in. they acted like they cared for about 2 weeks and then all of a sudden it went back to normal. i feel a cold feeling when it comes to my mom and have since before the addiction. i have an older brother and i see the way she looks at him theres a certain look in her eyes. she hugs him all the time tell him that she loves him and even talks differently when we are on the phone i can hear the different tone compared to when she talks to him. with him its hi honey! and with me its yes? or what do you need? or simply hi. i cant remember the last time i hugged my mom and everytime my brother walks in the door (he doesnt live with us but comes frequently) she jjumps up says hi honey! and gives him a lobe loving hug. she recently kicked me out cancelled my health insurance and told me i was dead to her and that my dad wanted an abortion and she would leave it at that. granted i said some very hateful things to her too. they are buying my brother a house and furniture and paying for the wedding. iv honestly felt under him since i can remember. idk what it is and i wish she would understand how this makes me feel. i feel like its me against my family. i dont know what to do. feel free to ask any question to get a better understanding of the story i would just love some help.

[hamster-bamster]

oh my! very unfair to you.

Grandparents are extremely important, and I am so glad you have a grandmother who LOVES you.

is it at all possible to actually live with her for some time?

[Travelinglady]

I am so sorry that your family--especially your mother--has decided that you are the black sheep. Alas, it happens more frequently than we'd like to believe. Evidently she is harboring anger she has developed from the past and just doesn't trust you any more. I'm sure it really does hurt when you see her making all nice with your brother and obviously showing you she values him more. She is definitely into the punishment mode.

Is there any where you can stay in the meantime, and do you have a source of income? You are 18, so legally you can be sent out on your own.

She says you are dead to her, but let's hope she's just hurt and angry and will eventually come back around if you can prove that you have changed and can stay on a straight path. Even if that were your only motive for making adjustments in your life, then it's important that you do that--for your sake, too, though. You are hurting yourself and your future as well if you go back to your harmful behavior.

You said your grandma still shows you affection. Is she able to be supportive to you, so at least you can visit? It would be nice if you could stay with her, but if you can, then please don't take advantage of her. At least earn your keep by helping her out.

Okay, I'll wait to hear what else you can add--and maybe other folks will chime in, too.

[IceCreamKid]

I hope what I am about to tell you helps. Our situations are not identical but there are enough similarities that maybe you will get some comfort in what I came to realize with my situation.

My mother doesn't like me. I don't believe she loves, me, either; although I do believe she used to think she was supposed to love me (as, in an ideal world, parents love their children). She convinced herself over the years that I was bad and not worth loving. Over the years her dislike became more and more blatant; she did and said things to make it clear she didn't like me.

At the same time she also made it clear she loved and preferred my siblings, particularly the one who used to physically and verbally abuse me.

I grew up feeling second rate, unloved, unwanted yet enslaved to them because they were my family and if they didn't love me who would?

Somewhere along the line I figured out my mother is mentally disturbed, quite profoundly, the sibling who mistreated me is too, and just because they were incapable of loving me did not mean I was unloveable, or inherently bad, or undeserving of decent treatment.

Regardless of your drug addiction, your current state of use or non-use, you are worthy of love. Your mother sounds like she has some serious problems, and it is never a child's fault that he or she has been born. I wish and hope and pray you have a happier life than I ever did.

[LovelaceF]

Sometimes the world seems unbearably cruel and unfair. I'm so sorry to hear about this. Your mother is punishing you emotionally and will likely not give you a change to redeem yourself in her eyes. You could, if you're feeling up to it, try to make up with her but the chances of success are small, in my opinion. I think if you are well enough for it, you could ask her for her forgiveness and tell her that you never meant to hurt her, that your actions didn't reflect on her as a parent (if that's true), etc.

[Leed]

Like the others have said, this happens more often than it should.

My mother always loved my oldest sister more than the rest of us. According to my mother, my oldest sister could do NO wrong. And that feeling of my mother's made my oldest sister EVIL.

I digress. LOL I'm so sorry you've been treated this way. It isn't fair and your Mom is SOOO wrong. Children should be loved equally, and they should KNOW that they're loved equally!!! That's how I brought my kids up. Both of them know that I loved them to death.

I agree with the others that it would be a good idea if you could live with your Grandmother, if she would let you. No one wants to feel unloved or uncared for, and it sounds like your grandma would be the perfect person to live with, as long as you can help her out. Could you?

Please stay away from the drugs and alcohol -- they WILL kill you, and I don't want you to become a statistic -- PLEASE. Young people are dying at a very high rate from drugs & alcohol! Please stay away from it.

God bless you and please take care of yourself, okay? Hugs, Lee