afraid of people

Hi,
I'm new here and lots of negative comments are in my head right now. I'll try to ignore them. Been working on myself(therapy) for years, as I learn more about myself, isolation has gotten worse. I am also DID. The fear of reaching out and connecting, believing people could like me, fear of regection ...its pretty bad now. All I can do is keep working and I am building a trusting , caring (scary word) relationship with my therapist but I fear I will never have friends. I have had them in my life. Now I just keep everyone at a distance. Its more comfortable that way. can anyone relate to any of this?

I sure can. Last year was a terrible year for me as I was rapid cycling (I'm bp1) as well as breaking my addiction to speed (let's just say that I should never have taken Adderall, EVER). My friends didn't know about my addiction, as I was intensely ashamed about it, and I was severely depressed and manic as I withdrew off of it. Dealing with people was so hard back then - I couldn't get myself out of the house, let alone go see people and have fun with them....it became so much easier just to push them away and disappear. And once that happened, I was afraid to contact them (my best friends who were very concerned about me) because I thought they would be so angry at me....but I felt trapped because I didn't want to explain my behavior to them (although every last one of them has been depressed and hurting before). Only in November did things come to a head and a good blowup on all sides got the truth out. But those 10 months were awful - I thought I had lost all the best friends I had and that I would never be good enough to have any more.

I admire your insight and your courage in getting better. Things will become more positive as your treatment continues and you'll find your friend making skills are more than back - fear not.

Keep us posted on how you're doing! ((((((((cdngrl)))))))))) Hang in there. It hurts now, but you're doing the right thing and trying to get better. I have no doubt you'll succeed admirably.

Anna

some of it's magic
some of it's tragic
but i had a good life all the way......
~jimmy buffett

Anna,
Thank you for your thoughtful and open reply. I could certainly relate to your fears. Sounds like you are very couragious yourself. Glad to hear you have supportive friends and that this year is going better. You sound like a strong person who is very aware. Addictions are powerful things to overcome...got a few of those myself. I'll keep your words of encouragement in mind, especially when negativity and hopelessness creeps in. , judy