extrovert or introvert? Or both?

This is my first real post here besides the new member post so this will probably not be as good as I hope but here we go.

I have been thinking more and more about my personality and how it truly affects the way that I communicate with the ppl around me. I would label myself an introvert because 95% of the time I want to be alone or in my own thoughts rather than being the life of the life of the party. I really shy away from social gatherings and from talking to my friends as much as possible. They complain all they time that they, the few I have, no nothing about me. I do a very good job of shifting the conversation from me to them and that is a talent that I have perfected and I am quite proud of. This I feel makes me a good friend to the ones I have just because they feel that I am listening to them. Which is true but it is not always because I am interested in what is bothering them but mostly because it keeps them from asking about me.
Now you might remember that I said I am like this 95% of the time. Well the other five I am a raging extrovert. I love to be the center of attention. I crave it. I bask in it. I took debate, choir, theater arts and other social activities while in school and I loved every second of it. It made me, well me. Every knew me for my outgoing personality. There is nothing better than the feeling that everyone is looking at you. I have always had a sort of love hate relationship with this mix. This somewhat contradiction.
That is, here's where I get to the both, until I can to the realization that, at least in my opinion. that I may be able to be both. I do love to be in the spotlight and to be the center of attention as long as it is only about my talents or what I am doing at the time. I do not want ppl to know me for me because I feel that they won't like it. Why, because I don't like me. I hate who I am and what I have become especially. Sometimes I really wonder if I am a good friend or a fraud. I keep everyone at arms length. Even the ones who are closest to me.
And as I sit here alone, although my gf is here asleep, I am second guessing this whole post. I am wondering what ppl will think of it and I have the almost overwhelming urge to delete it altogether. To me it is dumb and not well thought out. I spend 70% of my time going over what I will say to someone or what I will post instead of just saying/posting it. I have the urge to reread this to make sure that at least all the the words are spelled right and that it sounds good. But I won't. You have no idea of who I am and yet there is that part of me that wants to make sure I don't look stupid. It really sucks. I know that this ending is really weird and might not fit quite right with the rest of this tread but oh well.....

I can so relate to the introvert section of your post. By your scale, I'm probably 99-100% introvert. I shy away from any attention on myself and always divert. In your centre of attention at a party scenario, I'd be the guy hiding in the corner not talking to anyone.

Actually scrub that, I wouldn't actually be there. The thought of even being at a party scares me so much I probably wouldn't go (I missed a friends wedding cos I couldn't face being around all those people ).

I also read and re-read my posts, and then usually realise once I read it again after submitting it that I've still got it wrong!

It's really good that you're coming to this realisation about yourself. Maybe you could consider some counselling to see if you can come to terms with both sides of yourself. No-one should hate themselves or feel like a fraud. From what you've said, you're a good friend. The people who confide in you, trust you enough to share, so that shows they feel they have a good friend.

Heck, I generally just post whatever comes into my head here. People can always think, "Well, she's a bit manic today!" or whatever..... Seriously, don't worry about it.

As far as introversion and extroversion, it's not an either/or
way of typing people. And introversion is not the same thing as shyness. Basically, what is comes down to is "Do you get your 'battery' charged more by being out with people or being by yourself?" So, you can go out and be the life of a party sometimes and still be more introverted if you come home and find yourself needing to do something by yourself to get back into gear. The reverse would suggest you're more extroverted. You just really look forward to being with people and can feel sort of "run down" if you can't after awhile.

For specific details, you might read what Carl Jung had to say. As I recall, he came up with these terms.

What you're talking about isn't so much about this issue than maybe about your self-esteem, I suspect.

I love what Payne1 wrote. I can be extroverted, but I definitely get my battery charged by time alone and get a bit stressed if I don't have time to myself.

Whereas one of my friends is the exact opposite!