[BrokenMoon]

I've never been very good at making and keeping friends. I try my hardest to be nice and kind but people seem to want to punish me into anger which has the opposite effect and I try harder to please them. Anyway a few days ago my friends invited me to go out drinking. I agreed to go and even offered to buy some drinks for people who were worried they wouldn't have the money. So I call my best friend the night before and she says "it's a bad time, I don't think we're going to be able to go." So I say okay and we say our goodbyes then the next day the whole group posts on fb that they can't wait to hang out that night. I call each of them and no one answers. The posts keep coming night after night about how much fun they had and nobody is answering my calls or posts. Normally in this situation I would apologize for whatever percieved insult or crime I have commited but I was too pissed so instead I sent a text to each of them, 'if you didn't want to include me you shouldn't have invited me in the first place.' That was it and they haven't replied but I really didn't expect them to at this point. It's frustrating because this isn't the first time people have done this, the first time for that particular group of friends but not the first it has happened to me. I even had a friend who stole my boyfriend and then tried to stab me after he was already with some other girl.
The whole world can't be this mean so I fell like maybe I'm just to nice but I don't want to be mean like them so I really don't know how to make and keep friends. If I have to do mean things to people in order to belong then I would much rather stay home with my siblings.
Am I making people not like me by being to nice? Or maybe they honestly don't even think I mind, sometimes I am accused of being cold and detatched. Even when I try to be helpful people tell me that because I always smile or have a straight face I don't seem human because it's as if nothing makes me sad or jealous or angry at people.
But that isn't true I can be angry and I do get hurt, just because they never see me cry doesn't mean I don't. I feel that even if the rest of the group doesn't understand that my best friend should.
sorry I was ranting but I'd like to know what people think. Have anyone else ever been made to feel like part of the group and then got left out? Seriously my best friend for six years and I've been supportive and kind and sisterly. It pisses me off because she's like a sister to not only me but my siblings as well but she really hurt me. I don't know how to even approach her or what to think of her.

[Travelinglady]

Of course, I am only hearing one side of the story, but if this type of thing happens a lot, then I'm like you, I'd be beginning to wonder what is happening and if it might be me.

That does sound mean to invite you and then "de-invite" you.

Are you in therapy? That would be one way to get some feedback and some help with relationship skills, if it does turn out to be something you're doing.

that's exactly how i feel soemtiems. and people wonder why i don't take the initiative. i feel you very much. if these guys aren't giving you the respect you deserve, just call it quits with these jerks.

[Leed]

I've had that happen to me before, with no explanation or anything. And then they totally DUMPED me altogether! I haven't seen or talked to them since and that's been many many years ago. The only explanation I can come up with is that was during the time I was going thru a divorce, and I have a feeling my husband told them a PACK of lies -- he was like that. Very vindictive and very cruel. He'd do ANYTHING to hurt me, and he did. He did all kinds of things. So I think he got to my friends and made all sorts of accusations.

But if they were dumb enough to believe him,they weren't really friends to begin with.

I'm sorry this happened to you. Find some BETTER friends, who will treat you with respect that you deserve! God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[BrokenMoon]

No i stopped go to therapy a while ago. It wasn't helping and i got a bad doc who just wanted me to keep taking pills that knocked me out all day. She was mean and my general doctor told me to stop seeing her. Thank you guys for your kindness, i think that sometimes people do things to hurt others because they think that is what love is.
I had a good day with an old friend today. She was a friend of a very important person to me and she heard what had happened through one of the group members who apparently felt sorry enough to call her but not me. Anyway she took me out and i let myself forget about my so called close friends. Funny thing my best friend saw that i had gone out and now she won't stop asking why i didn't invite her.
Thanks again for reading my post and writing to me.

Originally Posted by BrokenMoon

Anyway a few days ago my friends invited me to go out drinking. I agreed to go and even offered to buy some drinks for people who were worried they wouldn't have the money. So I call my best friend the night before and she says "it's a bad time, I don't think we're going to be able to go." So I say okay and we say our goodbyes then the next day the whole group posts on fb that they can't wait to hang out that night. I call each of them and no one answers. The posts keep coming night after night about how much fun they had and nobody is answering my calls or posts. Normally in this situation I would apologize for whatever percieved insult or crime I have commited but I was too pissed so instead I sent a text to each of them, 'if you didn't want to include me you shouldn't have invited me in the first place.' That was it and they haven't replied but I really didn't expect them to at this point.

Hey!
Just so that you know: You might have some issues that you need to deal with, and maybe those issues are coming in the way of your friendships. But in this case, it's them. It's definitely them.

[Scotty204]

What they did was very cruel and cold. I would not be so quick to forgive these so called friends either

[LovelaceF]

Originally Posted by BrokenMoon

Am I making people not like me by being to nice? Or maybe they honestly don't even think I mind, sometimes I am accused of being cold and detatched. Even when I try to be helpful people tell me that because I always smile or have a straight face I don't seem human because it's as if nothing makes me sad or jealous or angry at people.

People don't like it when someone is too nice sometimes, because they view the person as being fake or inauthentic. Nobody can be nice ALL the time and never have any bad feelings, so if you appear to be that way, then people will think you're not being honest.

You could work on changing your facial expressions a bit, so that you appear more animated. One great way to do that is to take an acting class. If you practice this enough, it will become natural after a while and won't feel forced.

That said....it is absolutely NOT your fault, whatsoever, that your friends ditched you. I think they were very unkind here, and purposely excluded you. I hope you can find a better group to hang out with soon!