[sujunew]

just wondering... how have other members felt about going into a new relationship with a tonne of baggage? For me this includes physical scars from SI all over my body as well as huge mental health issues. I am not currently looking for anyone, despite friends' best tries(!), but am not sure if I will even be able to find someone later on who can look past all the scars and emotional baggage? Is it a self-esteem thing; any advice?!

[wi_fighter]

Whenever I think of any scars I have, internal or external, I always remind myself of the movie Pay it Forward.

Kevin Spacey has horrible burn scars on his face and chest from his father dousing him in gasoline and lighting him on fire when he was 16, and Helen Hunt is an alcoholic in an on-again, off-again relationship with the abusive father of her son.

It starts off as a hate/hate relationship but blossoms into a real love relationship. She finally realizes that he loves her even though she doesn't have the same level of education and has addictions, and he realizes she loves him despite the scars and abuse.

I realize it's fiction, but it's the least Hollywood-ized love story I've ever seen. It gave me hope that one day I'd be able to love and be loved again, and I have.

[Liv28]

I used to SI..and I have visible scars..and when I met my now hubby I had TONS of emotional baggage and they were things that I was unwilling to talk about..fortunately for me..my mother was willing to do all the talking for me..she laid it out for him..took him in a small room and told him everything..I expected him to run as fast as he could..and you know what..He told me he loved me more for it..loved the fact that I was different..loved the fact that I was deep..and loved that fact that I was special..it took me a while..for I did not trust a word that he spoke to me..to me they were just words..how many times had I heard people speak words to me but didn't mean them? But not only spoke these words to me..but he showed them as well..He SHOWED me that he truely loved me..scars inside and out..and because of this I came to trust and love him as well..something I never though possible..We have been happily married three years now..

(((((Irishsj)))))
I am running away from any kind of real relationship because of just that reason. I can date and have a one night stand but anything more serious then that and I begin to lose it-one way or the other because I am convinced-I am NOT designed to be loved and accepted for the person I am because I am a total basket case.

I don't have any advice for it. I'm actually thinking of putting an ad on one of those online dating things with an absolute truth version of who I am.
"Basketcase looking for someone who can deal with heavy baggage and fear of not being loved because of past childhood abuses. Leave now-do not enter- No, I'm serious, You don't want me. I'm damaged goods. RUN AWAY-NOW-HURRY!!!!!!"
Don't think I'd get many responses so I think I'll keep it simple and stick with the dating and one night stands.
:P

[almostangela]

Family told me to hold off until I heal. Problem is, we are all 'works in progress' that desire affection. When I started dating my new guy, I always had one foot out the door and he waited patiently while I dealt with one load of baggage at a time. While I was dealing with my stuff, I discovered he had is own stuff and the slow pace worked great for both of us. It was 4.5 years before we finally moved in together and that is just fine. Forget the traditional 'meet, marry and live happily every after'. That concept is rare anyways. You are individual and unique and so are many potential partners out there and a match is very possible. Go out and show your smile and baggage or not, you have courage because you have made it this far and that is what the new person will see.

[sujunew]

thanks...
i'd like to think that there are still guys out there who can look past all this stuff, at least your posts show that there are definately some wonderful ppl around...