[FrustratedInSoCal]

Had a post in the new section but was referred here, so here goes...

I recently got married in December and we both have a shaky childhood story. We get along great but we are starting to suspect that I might be bipolar, PTSD, and social anxiety. It is getting worse day by day and sometimes I can't even get out of bed. I am tired of yelling at my wife for no reason. It makes me feel horrible but I can't stop doing it. I am afraid my marriage is going to end because of it even though there are no signs of her leaving. She even tells me otherwise. I am afraid to bring children into this situation for multiple reasons and I feel since my mother has various issues with these things as well that I shouldn't have been born, therefore why bring a child into this new situation. This hurts me because I do want to raise a family and I refuse to act like this anymore. But it is not up to me seemingly. I have awful thoughts when she is away at work because of my past relationships. She is a different person and I love her dearly and I want to treat her right, but my brain will not seemingly allow me to be "normal" enough to think straight. I really need help but only end up getting frustrated playing phone tag with the various help groups in my area because I get anxious to pick up the phone when they call back. What am I to do?

[optimize990h]

Hi FrustratedInSoCal!



Have you been to a T/pdoc? It would be helpful to have a T who will help you with a goal focused plan of care.

Would going to a therapist be something that would help your spouse believe in the marriage being able to continue?

I hate the phone tag thing, too. Keep trying. If you feel unsafe here are some links.
https://www.imalive.org/
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – Suicide Prevention Crisis Hotline
tc

Keep trying the numbers you were dialing. There's a chat room here at PC. need 5 posts to enter. sometimes it takes awhile to get 5 posts approved. Also, one of the links above has a chatline, I think. Keep returning to your thread here and see what members may have replied.

[hamster-bamster]

1) make sure you use reliable yet reversible contraception, because it would not be prudent to have children now, but you do want to preserve the fertility for later, when the dust clears

2) you need to have a work-up with a psychiatrist and start seeing a therapist. Your issues seem severe enough to make an appointment with a psychiatrist right away, bypassing the GP route (especially since you suspect bipolar and a GP would be likely to prescribe antidepressants alone, which could lead to horrible things happening)

3) put the idea of help groups on hold now and only see professionals whom you pay - hopefully, knowing that you are paying for professional services would help you actually report to appointments, rather than get too anxious to pick up the phone. Plus, you have severe issues so you need professional help.

4) you seem to be unable to work due to social anxiety. If you have worked in the past, you might qualify for disability, so you need to look into state disability for your state.

[hamster-bamster]

5) CBT - you are "catastrophizing" and CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) would help you reframe your thoughts.

6) take it one day at a time without making any long-term plans for now.

That seems to be enough for the initial steps towards a more peaceful life.

[FrustratedInSoCal]

i dont currently have a therapist as i don't have a job due to the complications with the brain issues. I have been looking and my wife is growing more impatient with the outbursts as i am since she feels they are unfair. I agree, that they are unfair to her, but also to me and she has a hard time seeing that, but she is trying and is in no way giving me cause to think she will leave. It is my own paranoia causing that. I am very scared of therapy as i have been before a number of times and have had bad experiences. I have not found that "right fit" yet. I am scared that I will continue to fail my wife by being mental unstable and i feel like i am pushing her away by how unimportant i feel and how often i am depressed.

she works two jobs just to keep us saving money for the future we want, and i feel like she is rarely home to spend time with me. I have told her this, but it's not exactly something we can do anything about unless I can get a job. I just have so many thoughts at once and don't ever feel like I am allowed to work on one at a time. They just keep popping up until i can't handle anything anymore, and I don't wanna lose my wife in the process of just trying to function in daily life.

[FrustratedInSoCal]

thank you hamster bamster

[shezbut]

There are a whole lot of support groups that meet in So Ca for PTSD & that could be a great resource for you! I used to live in So Ca myself, so I know how enormous it is, otherwise I would put up a link for you to try.

Do you have a car, or do you use public transportation? Are you in a metro, beach or desert area? Perhaps you'd feel comfortable naming the county you're in for more specific possibilities in your area??

Sorry that you're kicking yourself ~ I've done that to myself too many times. I have PTSD as well, so I can relate to certain aspects of how you're feeling. It's difficult for me to describe, especially since I suffer from several other disorders. I do have a tendency to dissociate in times of stress, and watch myself from a distance talk to others, do chores, etc. Pretty weird and uncomfortable! While I'm aware that I'm showering, my body feels a long ways away as I wash and I don't really feel the sensations of the water or soap washing my body.

Just a little example of a simple dissociative experience I have, for you. Very best wishes to you & congratulations on getting married. Try to hold onto the hope and happiness that you had just a few months ago!