[OR82]

Why exactly are women blind? They never see what is right in front of them. Instead they go out get hurt, run back to get comforted by one that cares and never see them.....I mean come on. Sorry all just really down about this, I do not get it.

I am guessing this is a case of unrequited love? Am sorry you're hurting.

Who knows why the lady in question doesn't see you in that way (I don't think generalising helps, I could say the same about a few men I known!).

Have you ever said anything? Sometimes speaking up may set the ball rolling. If its not mean to be though, its not meant to be. Romantic love isn't usually a conscious decision. Even if a person knows you love them and yet doesn't feel the same, sometimes the feelings are just not there - we can't make ourselves like another. Try not to take it personally.

[Gloom]

We can't choose the people we fall in love with.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I don't have better advice than riotgrrrl's.

If you haven't professed your love for this woman, do it. It's better to try and "fail" than to live with the regret of never knowing what could have been...

[mitingas]

Originally Posted by OR82

Why exactly are women blind? They never see what is right in front of them. Instead they go out get hurt, run back to get comforted by one that cares and never see them.....I mean come on. Sorry all just really down about this, I do not get it.

well most women can't understand man too. You have to accept girls behavior as a fact and than it will be more easier for you.
I also couldn't understand why girls like bad guys and stupid football players, but they also cant understand why man love nice breasts.

[avlady]

I like what Gloom said it's better to fail etc..

[catsrhelm]

Not all women do denial. I know I don't.

Originally Posted by Gloom

It's better to try and "fail" than to live with the regret of never knowing what could have been...

I don’t think I could disagree with this more than I do. I would much rather forever wonder about what could have been than spend forever hurting because of what it actually was. To me this sounds like saying it’s much better to have cut my finger off so I know what it feels like than forever wondering what it could feel like. (For clarification I did cut a finger off on my left hand.)

[OR82]

The point being that women always choose the jerk and get hurt, run to the "good guy" for emotional help and healing and then do it all over again. How about open your eyes! REALLY sick of picking up the pieces and then seeing them hurt themselves all over again. Doesn't mean I will stop doing it, that is who I am, but dang it is doesn't REALLY HURT!

[Daylight003]

To be honest I don't understand some women either and I am a women myself O__O

I'm sorry that you're hurting though and I'll try to give you my perspective about your situation to help you out in the long run.

Hmmm it seems to me (and I don't mean to be hurtful when I say this) that this women only see's you as a friend... It's your feelings for this person that is making filling this 'emotional support role' hard for you. Basically, females are generally used to leaning on their friends for emotional support (whether it be a male or female friend). And they don't expect their friends to have romantic feelings for them.

And I can't speak for all women but just from my observation, I think that some women don't want someone umm hmm easy to 'get' (and I don't mean that in a sexual way). If you're the reliable friend that's always their for them then perhaps they don't see it a challenge to get into a relationship with you. I guess subconsciously they feel like they 'have you' (although it be on friendship terms) so they don't feel the need to go after what they already have.

That's of course not to say that women can't enter a relationship with friends but it usually takes some sort of trigger/waking up call. At the end of the day we all want to be genuinely loved and cared for. Just sometimes we look for love in the wrong places. Younger women especially take a longer time to find the definition of a true and meaningful relationship. I guess in some sense you could say that she doesn't know what she is missing (because she's never had it.)

I'm sorry to say that the situation is pretty much outwith your control. All you could really do is admit your feelings (if you haven't already) and see where she stands. If she doesn't feel the same way, you need to move on. Who knows, perhaps she'll be envious when she sees you with someone else. And maybe she'll finally see what she's been missing (- err also, if you're no longer single then you'd now be in that 'not easy to get'/off limits category). Of course I'm not saying date someone else to get with that particular girl but you never know, if you keep your eyes (and as cheesy as it sounds) your heart open, you might find an amazing women who likes you the first time round.

I wish you all the best, hope this helps and feel free to keep us updated with how you are getting on ~

[OR82]

Not to be rude, I am still frustrated, but why exactly does it have to be he's hard to get so I want him crap? I hate hearing that because quite frankly its stupid. I have two friends that I call real friends. One of them I would quite literally die for, I help those in need when asked regardless of who or what....why exactly are these not desirable traits? Can I handle any situation that comes up? Yes. Can I protect her? Yes, with my life if needed. So what exactly is wrong with me? Why the games?

[Daylight003]

No worries. Like I said, I don't really understand 'women' in general myself either (even though I am a women), I'm just trying to draw conclusions from my knowledge of past experiences/ people I know. (- Nor am I a relationship expert *cough I've never been in a relationship cough*.)

Hmmm I'm not exactly sure... but I think it's not just women that feel that way. Men also like a challenge. (They generally don't go for 'easy' women - unless they want sex.) This whole 'game' thing though, in my opinion, is more of a temporary phase/ 'primitive instinct'/desire until people manage to figure out what it is that they are really after.

As people get older they start to gain a better understanding of the men/women they like and also of traits they don't like in partners... They generally from that point don't mess around (when looking for a serious relationship) as they have subconsciously defined a 'type' that appeals to them - whatever that may be. However, there is 'no rule book' for this, everyone is different and everyone admires different personality traits.

All I can really say is, you need to find someone who likes you for you. There are girls out there who I'm sure would really like to date you, so you need to stop (emotionally) holding onto the wrong ones, in order to find the right one.

Ps. I hope not to come across as harsh towards you. It's definitely not my intention and as I've said before, I've never dated anyone I'm just theorizing...

Pps. There is nothing wrong with you and I hope you find a nice girl that appreciates you.

Originally Posted by OR82

Not to be rude, I am still frustrated, but why exactly does it have to be he's hard to get so I want him crap? I hate hearing that because quite frankly its stupid. I have two friends that I call real friends. One of them I would quite literally die for, I help those in need when asked regardless of who or what....why exactly are these not desirable traits? Can I handle any situation that comes up? Yes. Can I protect her? Yes, with my life if needed. So what exactly is wrong with me? Why the games?

I am totally able to understand this frustration with women. Although not many women like me even as a friend, I have definitely watched women I would have dated complain endlessly about the men in their lives, or talk about how I am ‘just a friend’ to them. Sometimes I have felt that if I was more rude and less friendly, not that I would be, that I would be more attractive. Honestly, how the heck can someone be TOO friendly? As if being too kind is the worse characteristic!

Games like these drive me insane – there is no logic or reason to them. I’ve tried to understand how women work like this, and all I have done is confuse myself more.

When it comes to relationships I am no doubt a lost cause but at least there are women who on some level care about and trust you. Perhaps you will be able to find one that will reciprocate the same feelings.

Wish you the best!

Originally Posted by OR82

Not to be rude, I am still frustrated, but why exactly does it have to be he's hard to get so I want him crap? I hate hearing that because quite frankly its stupid. I have two friends that I call real friends. One of them I would quite literally die for, I help those in need when asked regardless of who or what....why exactly are these not desirable traits? Can I handle any situation that comes up? Yes. Can I protect her? Yes, with my life if needed. So what exactly is wrong with me? Why the games?

Is it only a game because you like her and she doesn't see you in that way? I doubt she thinks its a game.

Its up to you if you want to keep being such a good friend. But if its upsetting you so much then I think it would be healthier for you to take a step back. Still be friends sure, but if it hurts you to keep picking her up then a little bit of self-preservation I think is needed. Spend your energy in finding someone who likes you back.

Hugs.

[OR82]

I still can't figure out what is wrong with me though? I just, I can't take being alone like this anymore. It's been three years since my divorce and she walked out on me....there is something wrong with me for someone to walk out like that and not give a reason. That and I can't find anyone......I don't know how much longer I can take this. Running 5 miles a day may take up time and act as a distraction but in the end I still come home to emptiness.

Don't Give Up! But don't try too hard either... there are people in the world who do have a good sense of self worth; who want to be in a healthy relationship...wherein you can share, and co create a good life...I know it. (really, I do...)

Please, don't "Give Up"? I know there is someone out there for you...

Pax~~~~~~~~~virago

[OR82]

While I appreciate the support, you all make it sound so easy....find someone else. I have no clue how to do that. I only started to be attracted to my co-worker here by complete accident. I didn't intend for it to happen.

[Trippin2.0]

I don't "get" my species either! Take me for example; I'm a bit slow on the uptake when it comes to romance, YEARS (10) before my bf and I started dating and we were just best friends in high school; he had to point it out that I was inlove with him, and he with me! No really, he said "you love me" I said "duh" he said "no. you love LOVE me... think about because I love LOVE you too"....

Granted I was young but sheesh he was right, and had he not pointed it out then, we probably would've not been together today.

Next point in case: My brother who is a good looking guy has washed himself of appearing to be the nice guy he genuinly was. Long story short, our brother and father died and lil bro turned into an a.s.s... since then? Girls fall over their feet for him to notice them The more he ignores "her" the more "she" tries to prove her worth! i.e bakes for him, buys him lunch, and just persues him like mad!

When we started noticing this we ran some "social experiments" and for some reason women (atleast the ones in his age group) are not "playing games" regarding wanting what they can't have, some of us just seemed hardwired that way!

He had a longterm gf at one point whom he ended up dumping because the nicer and more supportive he was, the *****ier she became Have no idea why "nice" is a repellent for some women folk

Uhm so I went off on a tangent sorry. My point is, women and men are weird creatures, I don't have any fantasies of "understanding" my bf, I believe in practicing acceptance rather than understanding.

And more importantly, tell her how you feel instead of kicking yourself night and day. What have you got to lose? She's not yours now, so you can't lose her, yet have everything to gain.

And yes, I know how badly the sting of rejection can hurt, but I've never read of anyone dying from it, its worth the risk, IMO true love is worth anything.

So sorry this is happening to you, I've been in very similar shoes

[H3rmit]

Originally Posted by OR82

Not to be rude, I am still frustrated, but why exactly does it have to be he's hard to get so I want him crap? I hate hearing that because quite frankly its stupid.

Well, it's not literally this:
hard to get = desirable

Rather, it's this:

hard to get = not needy
hard to get = exciting danger thrill
hard to get = mysterious
hard to get = she won't have to get too close and reveal herself
hard to get = she won't be pursued or hunted down (maybe she has been)

and any of those are desirable.

Does that make sense? I still agree the overall pattern is stupid. My husband and I are both so clingy others would find it odd, but it works for us. Hard to find people who are not typical, though.