[why6]

As a kid, I was always called a "pushover", and rightly so. I let my peers walk all over me, take advantage of me, be mean to me, all without a word of my objection. I just wanted to make them happy, even if it mean being an overly-obedient little punching bag. Of course, I began to realize as I got older that I have no sense of pride, I can't bring myself to break rules, and I'm basically the same way as I used to be, only now I find myself despicable for being this way.
I blame myself because that's how I always have been. No matter what anyone does to me, I was asking for it somehow. When I try to stick up for myself, I'm scolded in one way or another and I end up backing down. Nobody respects me.
I'm now uncomfortable in positions of power or dominance, and I have just enough pride to constantly feel like a weak, pathetic little pushover all the time. The thing is, it's too late for me to stop all of this nonsense and help myself. Every time I try something new, I expect to fail and be ridiculed so sometimes I just don't try things. I just don't value myself anymore, and it scares me.
The worst part? The people that pushed me around as a kid and made me the crappy excuse for a human being I am today now yell at me for never sticking up for myself.
I don't know what to do anymore. I can't take it much longer. Every time I try to talk about it, somebody just kind of directs the conversation back to them and their own more important problems, so I can never get a word in.
I feel alone with this problem, and I'm really starting to hate myself for it.

[H3rmit]

>Every time I try to talk about it, somebody just kind of directs the conversation back to them and their own more important problems, so I can never get a word in.

Do you mean in person? I guess you have no one good to talk to in person. I don't know if talking here might help.

How old are you? Ideally, what small steps do you wish you could take that would be a tiny success or two?

Well, I hope you succeed in your journey. I don't think you'd be asking for too much.

[Leed]

Hello Why ~ I can certainly understand. I was abused by my older sister, and she totally made me feel like a piece of dirt. Telling my parents didn't work because they called me a liar.

I learned very early to be walked on. I may as well have had a sign on my forehead.

I got into therapy in my 20's, but not for that. I had many mental problems thru the years, and didn't start facing THAT until I was in my 40's!! And I finally found a therapist who I could "click" with at that time too. Not all therapists are the 'right ones" for us. Sometimes we have to leave one and go to another.

Please seek out therapy. This will be almost impossible for you to "fix" by yourself. This is something that goes back to your childhood, and you're going to need professional help in dealing with. Have your medical doctor refer you to a good therapist -- he'll know the best one to send you to.

I wish you the very best!! God bless and please take care of YOU. Hugs, Lee

[why6]

Thank you all very much for your support! I'm only 15, so I think I still have at least a little hope left! I thought I was alone with this problem, so thank you all for showing me that I'm not.

[KellyDaMighty]

I hope you are getting the help you need! Don't let anyone devalue who you are. I too am dealing with this and one thing that doesn't seem like much is to not let people interrupt you. Don't be rude about it but there is nothing wrong with saying" excuse me I was talking. When I am done with my thought, then you can speak up". It is a little step but can really help.

Hey Why6,

Listen, don't be so hard on yourself that's the first thing.
Another is that it is never too late to bring about change for yourself.
Of course with change its never easy! Throughout your life journey my friend
you'll more than likely have setbacks that is what all of us go through in changing
for the better.
But its not too late.
Something else that comes to my mind, based on my own trials & tribulations is that we must be taught self esteem see what I'm saying.
In my opinion it all starts with someone whether that be your parents, another relative, or even a Teacher, whoever it all starts with someone taking the time to just TALK, listen to us and perhaps teach us things.
Someone who has never learned to have self esteem? Well it stands to reason we won't learn it because we never learned to value ourselves in the first place!
I know! You may as well have been telling my own story on your post.
I now have no problem speaking up at all!
I even do that on here, because occasionally I get someone who is severely judgmental without taking time to know me.
Starting now tell yourself this:
"I'm Okay"
"I like who I am"
Another thing, when someone talks down to you or bullies you try to be assertive
Example:
This is you: "I feel (insert whatever that may be) when you (insert whatever bad thing the person has done)
Also add:
I would like for you to stop
or
I would like for you to just KNOCK IT OFF!
I know it won't be easy, and it won't happen overnight
But you can do it.
Try to begin telling yourself this:
"I'm ME, and if other people don't like it TOO BAD!
Start asserting your rights, and standing up for YOU.
Because if you don't do this, no one in this world will and as
you already know my friend this world is unkind to people who
don't speak up.
You may want to talk to someone about your self esteem issues
its up to you of course. It may help.
And hey perhaps try some affirmation CD's there are a whole bunch of
them being sold either online or your local bookstore. Since the good majority
of bookstores are going belly up? You might try online.
Look for the ones that are about self confidence.
Back when cassettes where available (yeah, a long time ago lol)
I bought tapes on self confidence and listened to it almost all the time.
I especially loved the subliminal ones you know on the surface you hear
the sounds of the ocean, while underneath there are positive affirmations
being said and your none the wiser.
As I've said at the beginning of this post while your changing to your better self
you'll have some setbacks don't get discouraged ....KEEP TRYING.
And don't be afraid to be assertive when someone says something to you that you feel is demeaning to you. Remember don't bother caring what those folks who are trying to crush you under their stupid heel think! They're just that A COMPLETE HEEL!
Your better than that.
So make it known.
You can do it.
You can shoot me a messege if you'd like to talk.
Hope this helps.
Now go get empowered.
You GO Girl!

PS
Got one more suggestion.
Have you ever thought of trying Martial Arts?
In this World, I feel everyone should take up some form
of Martial art.
Give it some thought.

[BonnieG2010]

seems like your old torturers have found a new way to torture you. Don't let them! Tell them to mind their own business!

Is there a way that you can find a counselor or therapist to help you know the best part of you and to teach you how to stand for yourself?

You're young, you've got a long way to go that's why is paramount that you learn how to protect yourself.
We don't know the reasons why you did not learn in proper time but it doesn't matter you can learn now and get it right once and for all.

Martial art is a good idea but you need to muster the art to protect yourself, to let know people you don't want around that you don't want them around.

You can do it!!

[Perna]

It's habit and you have been in the habit of backing down and/or letting others walk on you. It will take quite a bit of work to change that. I would ignore how you "feel" pretty much and keep letting other people know they are not to walk on you, tell people what you like/do not like, set boundaries and consequences that you like and that help you. You are just here to be "you" and get your life working the way you like it, not to please others.

You are 15?
You are very intuitive knowing that you have been a pushover.
Try researching being a "pleaser' and see if any of that fits for you.
Also, if you are up for some self challenges, research people like Jim Rohn, Zig Ziglar and Anthony Robbins (they are all motivation speakers but its the self assessment challenges I am interested in you taking).
I know all too well how it feels to have everyone tell you that you can't do this or shouldn't do that...and if you stick up for yourself you get crap for that too.
Don't become an a$$hole, but there are plenty of reasons to stand your ground and dont let these folks push you around.
But be careful and choose your battles...and make sure you are standing up for what is true and just and right. It's lonely doing the right thing and standing up for yourself.
Eventually you will fall in with the kind of people you NEED in your life and then it will all make sense.
Be brave and do your own due dilligence..self assess, self challenge, self improve; Your confidence will skyrocket and you will thank yourself when you are my age