When do you call it quits and move on

To whom it may concern....I need help!!! I dont know what to do. I feel so conflicted I am beginning to feel depressed. The situation is this. I am 34 years old and my boyfriend of 6 years is 42. In the beginning our sex life was okay....we would actually have it but most of the time it was initiated by me. I moved in with him maybe 3 years into our relationship and every year it has been progressively gotten worse. We go through dry spells where I can honestly say I don't remember the last time we were intimate. We are actually going through a dry spell now, but I am just fet up with it that it is really causing me to think of where this relationship is going. I am so unhappy with what is going on that I don't have any desire to keep initiating things myself. He is not affectionate at all, we never kiss just because, we never hug and when he does hug me he pats my back like Im a friend. We don't have conversation anymore. We sit in silence if we are both watching TV or just relaxing. I feel so emotionally disconnected from my boyfriend. I don't feel satified anymore and I feel like the sexual part of our relationship is not important to him but it is very important to me. I know he is not cheating and we have talked about our problems but we never come up with a resolution. He says he will work on it but never does. He is okay with the way our relationship is and I am NOT!! My confidence in myself is down the tubes. It has gotten to the point that I feel like I am just living with a friend. I feel like this time he has pushed me past the point of no return. I still care about him, he is great with my kids and he is an great guy, but I don't want another friend, I want a partner who is there for me emotionally, physically, and sexually and I am just not recieving that. Im tired of fighting the fight alone, I know if I leave it will break his heart but if stay I wont be happy and I have two kids to worry about (he is not the father). If things are like this now, how will it be another 6 years from now? I need advice....I dont know what to do.

Hi "Confused" ~ I'm sorry it's taken so long to get a reply.

It sounds to me like either you, or maybe both of you are being taken for granted. Sometimes after having lived together for awhile, it happens unfortunately. You get too comfortable.

Do you think he would agree to couples counseling? That would be the ideal thing, as the counselor could help you two learn how to communicate, and how to let the other one know your needs. It can be uncomfortable at times to let your needs be known, but once you learn HOW to do it, it becomes 2nd nature. Plus you need to be open and honest with each other and I'm not sure you two are doing that.

I do hope he will agree to counseling -- from what you say, he sounds like a reasonable guy. But leaving things the way they are will just be a death sentence to your relationship. There's just plain no future in it, and I'm sure you'll end up moving out. So please urge him to go. I pray this works. From everything you say, it sounds like you two really love each other, but have gotten REALLY lax in showing it.

Best of luck, and God bless! Please take care of yourself! Hugs, Lee