Is this normal?

About three months ago I asked out a girl I liked for a long time and she said no. I was very hurt by this considering I had never met anyone I had so much in common with. Since then I have struggled with the fear that if she didn't want to go out with me then I wouldn't have a chance at finding anyone. That fear led to an ill fated attempt at a relationship when a friend asked me out that I mentioned in a previous post here. Yesterday I found out that the girl I asked out now has a boyfriend and even though there was no way we would end up together I was still bothered by this. I know it is completely illogical. I haven't lost her in any way, her and I are still good friends, but I haven't been able to shake that feeling. Is that normal? Up until that I had been able to distract myself from my failures with romantic relationships with schoolwork but now I can't seem to suppress it.

I suspect you're struggling more because these two events occurred close together, so it was like a double whammy. I suggest you try to have a good time, get out, meet some folks, but hold off a bit on trying to latch on to another girl for a bit. (Of coure, you can kep your peepers open for possibilities on some level.) All guys strike out sometimes, despite what they might say. I'd say it's normal, under the circumstances.

It is normal. You were dis-preferred, and feeling bothered or slighted or upset or - expand the list - by that is normal. To feel upset from being dis-preferred, all you need is to be attracted to the girl. You do not need to "gain" and then "lose" her in order to feel upset by being dis-preferred. It is not a requirement. The only requirement is attraction to her.

So you are not at all illogical; you are perfectly logical and perfectly normal.

Some people go on to feel upset when being dis-preferred even in the absence of attraction - they are upset that somebody would dis-prefer them because in their minds it reflects negatively on them. Sort of like being upset by not getting a job you applied to but did not really want to get - you might still get upset by a rejection. But in your case, you clearly wanted the girl, so you are totally within your right to be upset.

I hope it answers your question.

Wishing you better luck in the future!

So true. I would just add that being dis-preferred is about the other person and not a reflection of your being a good or worthy partner. It is just a reflection of the complex web of stuff going on for her: her relationship status, tastes, mood, stuff going on in life, physical or emotional attraction, relationship with herself...and the list goes on.

I can't tell you how many times I was dis-preferred and felt like a rejected, unattractive, hopeless loser. Then later I realized that it had little at all to do with me. Good luck.... stick to doing and being what you love, with no apologies or regrets, and you will attract someone in the same frame of mind.