Does having money help in attracting a female? Or, I should say, does the appearance of wealth, whether real or not, help in attracting a female?

Once I finish the training I have to do and if I make the money the employers have told me I can make, I think I would like to buy a new car or two, and one of the cars I am thinking I’d like to lease is a Ford Mustang. I would like something sporty but still practical, and other cars I like, such as the Subaru WRX Sti, are a little too expensive. Right now I have a 2005 Chrysler SeBring convertible.

Since I have no ability to attract a female (in fact I don’t think I have ever met a female other than through the Internet that liked me), I started to think that if I had a Mustang or some other attractive car if that would make me more desirable?

Of course true love and attraction would have nothing to do with wealth, but that is in an ideal world, and this world is far from ideal. In an ideal world I would be accepted for who I was instead of being expected to conform more with a deformed society’s ideals (i.e. taking classes to make me more sociable and better at it, appearance, fitting in more, etc.). But I have to work with what I have, and since appearance and charm are not among my strengths, I hope that making a lot of money, something I am confident I can do, will be an asset I can use in the future. At the very least I can make some good money and be alone and miserable with nice stuff.

So how much does wealth influence attraction and relationships?

[Anika.]

Not sure, I've never seen money as a motivator in my life. I can't seem to get motivated by money and never looked at money as a qualifier for relationships.

Never owned a car or driven and I am 34 so to that end I wouldn't care what kind of car they had if they had a car.

But I would say if you want to make a lot of money...do it soley for you because you want to without any expectations. The old saying money can't buy everything is very true. It certainly cannot buy love. A companion maybe or an escort, but not love. Wouldn't you be worried you would always be questioning if they liked you or just what you have and then the worry of what would happen when the well runs dry?

I never liked mustangs, more attracted to an old station wagon with wood panelling and not the trendy vintage ones, no the one we had in rhe early 80's, or a nice bike maybe...dunno what that says about me ( maybe my tatse is off ) so don't trust my judgement on cars at all , but I would just try to focus on making yourself happy and the rest will follow suit. The most attractive things that draw others usually has little to do with material goods. I would think. This tho...motivation, confidence in yourself to go after what you want ..are attractive qualities. . Which you appear to be doing

And Mr.V I do hope you get what you want and then some. I wish you the best with your work and hope you find the love you are looking for. I think you can achieve both.

Originally Posted by Anika.

Not sure, I've never seen money as a motivator in my life. I can't seem to get motivated by money and never looked at money as a qualifier for relationships.

Never owned a car or driven and I am 34 so to that end I wouldn't care what kind of car they had if they had a car.

But I would say if you want to make a lot of money...do it soley for you because you want to without any expectations. The old saying money can't buy everything is very true. It certainly cannot buy love. A companion maybe or an escort, but not love. Wouldn't you be worried you would always be questioning if they liked you or just what you have and then the worry of what would happen when the well runs dry?

I never liked mustangs, more attracted to an old station wagon with wood panelling and not the trendy vintage ones, no the one we had in rhe early 80's, or a nice bike maybe...dunno what that says about me ( maybe my tatse is off ), but I would just try to focus on making yourslef happy and the rest will follow suit. The most attractive things that draw others usually has little to do with material goods. I would think.

Money is not a major factor in my life but there are dreams I have that require money for me to fulfill.

No, I wouldn’t be worried if they liked me for what I have or if they liked me, because if they liked me for what I have at least I know that as long as I have what is attractive than they will be with me. What does definitely worry me though is when someone ‘likes’ me because of who I am, not that this happens much, because although it would be ideal, being loved for who I am is even more of an insecure relationship, as I can never be sure they will be there tomorrow.

My best friend liked me for who I am, and we were friends for 5 years, until suddenly she sends me an email one day and ends it there with no explanation. We haven’t talked since. I don’t see that as being more secure than being liked for what I have.

Few individuals have liked me for who I am; it’s almost always because of what I have or what I can do for them.

I’m not above an escort I don’t think. Sometimes I am so lonely I want to claw my eyes out. Seriously loneliness is one of my biggest triggers for suicidal ideation. I am so sick of being rejected and being alone all the time!

[Anika.]

Put it this way..there is one of you. There is lots of material possesions and lots of people with them. But still only one of you..if someone likes you for you that is secure as can be. What's more it is honest and true. Its quality...where for materials you can offer that is not secure, its only secure till they get what they want or someone with more comes along. It's not genuine. But I can't see why you should settle for that.

We never know how long we have with someone but we get to decide to tresssure the time we did have.there is never any way to secure a relationship forever but the time you did have..its all not lost after. As with your friend..you still had five years to share whatever the end may have been. It was not for nothing. Genuine even for a time might be more fullfilling than disgenuine for long haul. You don't have to see it how I do.. I know..but I want you to have genuine love. I think you deserve that to be a requirement.

Mr.V maybe it has more to do with how you feel about you than how anyone else feels about you?

Nothing wrong woth wantong a comfortable life, and yes some experiences do cost money. I know I would love to travel and never have because of funds. I understand that part.

[Daylight003]

Dear Mr. Venomous ~

Please please do not date (or worse marry) a 'gold-digger'. Although I haven't really admitted this to anyone out loud, my mother was in effect a gold-digger... Trust me, it will not bring you happiness, in fact only misery. My father had wealth, women used him, friends used him, so trust me when I say this (because I know him), money will not buy happiness or the true companionship that you desire.

Hmmm I think where you could possibly be going wrong is that you're not looking in the right kinds of places?

I didn't make many true friends (well people I truly connected with) at high school so afterwards I wasn't sure where to make new friends or meet potential boyfriends. At first I just thought I was just an oddball not really being able to connect with most people and being shy/socially awkward. Well actually I thought that for a long while, but over time (i.e now) I began to realize that I was looking in the wrong places and that people like me actually did exist (lol).

If you really want to spend your money. Join a club, go to events or get a new hobby where you think you'll find people with common interests/similar personality types. Really, I honestly think this is more of a case where you don't know where to find the right kind of compatible women for you. I mean even if you are more of a gamer there are still ways to connect. One of my friends who likes Yu-Gi-Oh goes to a local tournament held every Sunday. Or perhaps you could even do some volunteer work (-charity shops are filled with nice friendly people lol). And don't be shy to leave a place if you don't feel like it's going to lead anywhere either. It's all about trail and error. Just don't give up though.

You actually seem like a nice sensible guy and trust me, there is a women out there who would be happy to be with you (- you just need to find her). I wish you all the best and feel free to keep us updated ~

[Neptune83]

For me personally, if I wasn't attracted to my husbands personality and appearance then it wouldn't have mattered if he were a billionaire. Yes, we all need money to a degree, to live on, but I don't find wealth attractive. It would be nice if we were better off, but I see that as a joint responsibility rather than solely his.
In my opinion, it's personality that comes first, and yeah I may sound shallow but I would have to find my husband attractive to be with him because why would you want a physical relationship with someone purely because they have money. But then, he could be the most gorgeous man in the world, if he was a complete arse then I wouldn't want to be with him. Money for me is way down the bottom of the list.

[Neptune83]

Couldn't agree more with Daylight.
I found (still do find) socialising difficult. I met my husband on the Internet. There were some right weirdos on there, some just wanting one thing, some pretending to be those they weren't, and then I found him

[Neptune83]

Also, you say it's more secure to be liked for what you have rather than for who you are because as long as you have what you have, they'll always like you. But isn't the same true for who you are too? You're still who you are, always, in fact I'd say there's more chance of someone sticking around for who you are than what you have, because you'll always be you, but you could be skint tomorrow! Unlikely maybe, but more possible than you suddenly not being you.

I find wealth, especially flaunting it with fast cars and whatever a major turn-off. Makes me think of people as either shallow or a show off. I think that's just me tho, and the one and only time I went out on a date with someone who had an expensive car, I found him to be rude and pompous. Not qualities I like in a person, let alone a date.

Wealth in a relationship is only as important as they can pay their way. But even that's not important if they are rich in other ways. Sorry, for me its down to personality all the time.

["Tilly may"]

No money doesnt matter. It makes things easier sometimes but love comes from the heart and not the wallet.
Im attracted to people who talk about things and not just about themselves. Who smell nice, and are clean. Who are outgoing and involved in the community by volunteering. I like leaders, people who take a position on a board or council. I like people who take the risk by putting themselves out there.
good luck

[adam_k]

I don't think money in itself is a motivator, but most people with money have confidence, goals and the fortitude to get things done to have nice things. I think that is a good attractive feature. There are women out there who are looking for an easy ride and would date someone because they have money. I think there are equally as many women who would date someone that respects you because you have nice things, you work hard to better your life, and you have goals and prospects in life. Personal confidence is a big one for most ladies. They want a man who is sure of himself and feel good about who he is. If having a nice car or home makes you happy, then go for it. Be happy with who you are and enjoy the benifiets of your hard work.

[mitingas]

I thing that girls love power and potential in man to earn some money. But you do need to have it a lot, for girls to love you. You have to have you own goals and dreams in life, and girls like such guys.
But money makes relationship more easy for you.You can go where you can , do what you want to do and it is more fun.

[hopefortoday]

perhaps you might treat ladies as individuals. then the size of your motor-car will not matter.

wealth does affect health though.

[poptart316]

I actually had a "sugar daddy" for a bit about a year ago (I have my moments) he had bought me clothes and paid for me to go on a vacation under the condition that I'd see him for a month (he wanted company and sex), and I was intent on following through with it at first but then I just couldn't pull myself to do it.. I had zero physical and very little mental attraction towards him, he was also a lot older than me and it was very weird.. the whole thing felt weird and I felt kind of trapped and almost claustrophobic, like he spent all this money on me and now I owed him something. I also felt very cheap and guilty because I was clearly taking advantage of him and I had little respect for him because I knew he knew that I was taking advantage of him and he was okay with it.. it's not very admirable, I think it might have actually put me off even more. I wound up ending the arrangement and offered to pay him back but he didn't want any money.. although he was very upset and attached and I think I stomped on his pride and he wouldn't leave me alone or let go for a while. But yeah that was a big mistake on my part. It was not a fun experience for either of us.

So yeah, I don't recommend such an arrangement.. nothing good can come out of it I don't think, if someone was totally okay with that then they must be emotionally dead. Nothing beats genuine feelings/attraction.

Attraction for me is based mostly on personality and also a bit on looks, I also find intelligence, talent, creativity, and success in a career to be attractive.

Just know where you stand in the world and set reasonable expectations and get out and meet someone! Not to sound rude or anything, I just have a very realistic mind-set when it comes to dating.. I haven't been dealt a perfect hand either.

[Perna]

I think it depends on the woman and whether you want someone attracted by money or by you and who you are; they are different kind of women and aren't going to switch allegiances, if you ask me.

[Confusedinomicon]

I think what's most important is living in some comfort and being able to pay bills.

Frankly, most of the population is not rich and never will be considered rich. However, that doesn't mean one cannot live comfortably. You would be lying if you said that financial trouble in a relationship can't split a couple up. If money wasn't necessary as a means of exchanging goods and services then I think it wouldn't matter. However, in reality it does.

[hamster-bamster]

I have never myself been attracted based on cars, but I did, many years ago, have a male friend in NYC who would borrow his guy friends' better cars for the night, because he was embarrassed that he himself did not have a fancy car (he was a recent immigrant and was going to a community college, and although he was very funny and nice, he was never "too bright" academically, so he had major struggles even at a modest community college) and he wanted to impress the girls he was hoping to pick up. I think it worked for him. I have not talked to him in years and I do not know where he ended up.

I do not know if that is relevant, Mr Venomous, because the guy was gregarious, an extrovert, funny, etc. In other words, he was not deficient in things that make it easiER to pick up girls. But he felt that needed to supplement all of that with a fancy car. I do not know whether the car thing would have worked for him had he, say, been extremely socially anxious.

[Daylight003]

Overall Summary

Hmmm not going to lie, money of course matters to some extent (it has become necessary for our basic survival and yes, even an easy access to 'social recognition'. It is also a means by which can open 'open doors' (- so that we may obtain/temporarily fill our personal/emotional desires/needs.) Society is also constantly advertising and equating money to happiness/success (and women). But that doesn't make it 'true', it just means we're programmed into thinking/believing it. Like for example, ever since I was a young child, I was told the colour of a banana is yellow, the sun is yellow, yellow is a colour generally associated with happiness. If however, I was brought up and repeatedly programmed into thinking that yellow is a colour associated with loneliness, death, sadness, then I'd probably grow into believing it. (Anyway starting to go off in a tangent...) all in all, I do firmly believe that money can't buy 'happiness' but yes there can be things we associate with wealth and money that subconsciously draws us to a person.

Side A

Money, makes life 'easier' but it is not the primary foundation of a happy-healthy relationship. Like I've said before, my mother was/is in effect a 'gold-digger'. Back when my father was well off she was all hunky dory. Everything was great, everything was all smiles, she was nice towards my father and my father thought he was the luckiest man on earth so to speak. 6 months down the line, this 'effect' money had on her started to wear off and she therefore she desired more 'x' ('x' being whatever feeling/need fulfillment money gave her.) In the end, she did not truly care for my father and 20 years later is still ripping him 'money dry' even though there's not much left. Overall, yes this relationship began because of money but ended because of it as well. Without the money there was just simply nothing there (for her at least). You don't want to attract these kind of people...

Side B

On the other hand, I have to admit that I'm more hmm I wouldn't say attracted but I do find it admirable when a man is successful. I don't mean rich, I mean someone who has achieved something/is proud of themselves (but in an non arrogant way). However, I do not see success in really expensive flashy cars (usually associate flashy cars with jerks who want to look cool but fail I'm afraid... - based on my individual experience.) Anyway, I guess it's because I'm at a stage in my life where I want to better my position (- I've much felt like a failure in the past and I don't want to feel such a way anymore. I want to be proud of myself), I guess I therefore see 'success' as admirable err 'trait' in a way. Like I want to obtain it for myself and these kind of men will encourage me to do so in a positive/healthy way. (I wouldn't however, bleed them money dry/ take advantage of them and of course so many other factors are involved as well like does he have good morals, is he nice etc.) Overall I think in any healthy relationship, the other person brings out the best in you.

Conclusion

I guess there is wealth and what we associate with wealth, which are two different things. But two halves of the same coin I guess...

Try not to concentrate on impressing women with flashy cars but rather finding and meeting the right kind of women who will like you for you and not your wealth. Remember - "Money could be here today and gone tomorrow, whereas love lasts forever."

EDIT: Wow I didn't realize how long that had gotten lol. Hope this helps and good luck ~

Genuine feelings of attraction and respect of course are far superior than something like the attraction to wealth, but I feel like I am at a point where I don’t believe anymore that it is possible for someone to like me for who I am. People will tell me otherwise on here but either way I am still not liked off the Internet. I feel like if I want to be attractive I need a.) money, b.) looks, or c.) a degree, something that makes me valuable.

As of now I have failed horribly at obtaining a degree and have absolutely nothing for looks, leaving me with the last option of making some serious money.

Yesterday when I was roofing at our organization (see thread “Ouch”) one of the roofers, a 19 or 20 year old apprentice, arrived in his fully loaded GMC Yukon he bought. We were talking about cars and the like and he said ladies love him for his Yukon. I told him I might want to buy a Subaru WRX STi in the future, and he said that that car would do me wonders!

I don’t mean to say that I think wealth is the be all and end all for relationships, but wouldn’t having a nice car at least help me in being considered by women? Most of the time I am either rejected or ignored almost from the start! Can’t ever seem to get my ‘foot in the door’, so to speak. It’s been years since I have been on a date with a woman that I saw a second time. All they need to do is meet me once and that’s basically the end of that

[lynn P.]

There are some women who go after wealth and status but its not going to bring you real satisfaction for the longterm. Look at Hugh Hefner, not a good looking man but it proves your point. If I was in the market, all I would want is for him to have enough not to sponge off me.

I've lived in this nice house and we have 2 fancy cars that all mean nothing to me now. If I could win the lottery or get a job to get out I would feel better -money would give me independence. I now drive a 1990 car.

I've seen very unattractive people find partners so I think you should be more patient - maybe you're setting your looks standard to high perhaps. I hope you can find a good hearted woman with a kind personality - this is the best option for you. Personally I resent people with fancy cars and big houses now. Look for kindness and try to be patient.

[The_little_didgee]

Originally Posted by Mr. Venomous

Does having money help in attracting a female? Or, I should say, does the appearance of wealth, whether real or not, help in attracting a female?

Not all of us females give a **** about these things. I certainly don't. An ideal partner for me is someone who is genuine. Personally, I find guys who try to impress me with their "stuff" a turn-off.

Originally Posted by Mr. Venomous

So how much does wealth influence attraction and relationships?

I know a lot of women who don't care about wealth so it isn't something they look for in a potential partner.

It may be different for teenagers and young adults. When I was an adolescent things like this mattered a lot more. It becomes less important with age.

[spondiferous]

For me personally, I am turned off when I see people with expensive things of any sort. But I suppose that's because I'm painfully aware of all the people in this world living without basic necessities while there are people in the world who are trying to decide which car to buy.

No offense. It's just what I see when I look around. I hope you find a solution to your dilemma. And hopefully it won't take a vehicle for you to meet someone you truly connect with.

[NWgirl2013]

Greetings Mr V!
A car will do wonders ~ for you. Imagine yourself in this new thing and it probably makes you smile, maybe makes you dream of being happy. And you know, it might work.
If you are happier in general, & if a car can help you get there, I say, Yes! A good goal. The car isn't what will do it though, you being a happy guy to be around, you feeling good, content, that will work. You being confident & feeling accomplished will do wonders too. Those are attractive things.

A man looks very handsome, no matter his attributes, when he smiles. Try it.

The last guy I dated had a ridiculous car, I mean, beyond all reason expensive. He was really nice & I liked him, at first, and before I knew his circumstances. But his "stuff" couldn't compensate for his shallowness. He was self absorbed & felt the stuff made him better than everyone somehow. It didn't. He was a boring braggart.
Not that you would be...

Spiders are an interesting ...hobby. I used to keep several in my classroom as pets because they are amazing and kids love them.
Maybe, like others here have suggested, finding places, clubs, groups, that have common interests is a good idea. I imagine you've thought of that. There are lots of "meet-up" groups out there for all sorts of things.
And volunteering, a personal favorite.
You sound intelligent and interesting. That's a great start...

[Aoikaze]

Two things.
1. Evolutionary psych says that in order to find a mate women look for financial stability to insure the propogation of their children. This seems to be supported in that the majority of lasting marriages are in the top half of the income strata, and only 44 percent of poor men are married.
2. Some of the longest lasting msrriages never produce any children.

If you're looking for a shortcut to love, there isn't one. Money, power, status, these things aren't sorting traits, but more like identifiers. Women compete with women (in areas like clothes) just as men compete with men (in areas like cars). What we do know is that people tend to match to like traits. It's kind of like finding a flattering mirror and falling in love with it (who ever said the story of Narcissis wasn't a metaphor).

If it makes you feel any better, there's a roughly 38 percent chance that the person you'll marry lives 5 miles from where you are right now (assuming that you're at home).

Mr. V, dear...if material things (a car for instance) make you happy, bring a smile to your face and a little confidence in yourself, then I say go for it! Self confidence, self esteem, a sense of feeling comfortable and secure in ones surroundings is important. But do it for yourself, not because you want to attract women.

Having money at least enough to meet basic needs and living requirements is very important to most of us. It is sooo nice to not have to worry about when you're going to be able to eat next. Or pay your electric bill. The worry, the concern, radiates and affects overall well-being.

Perhaps you dont give yourself enough credit, though, in the intelligence, interests and looks departments. I would focus on that first. Your career opportunity sounds promising, too. Do it because you enjoy it, though.

Money / material goods definitely will not make you happy if you still dont feel good about yourself. And think about what it will take to maintain a materialistic lifestyle.

And also keep in mind, with material stuff as a goal, you may not attract the most quality type woman. They smell it a mile away. And they are miserable to be around and very high maintenance. They also expect a lot. So simply driving around in a swell looking car isnt going to just to it for them. You are going to have to work awfully hard to keep this type of person. Is that what you want?

Hugs