[Citrine]

Hi all...I need to offload..

I jointly share a beautiful little house. Its a fully furnished cosy home provided by a non formal landlord (not an agency related type) he cuts the grass replaces broken things etc. I love it here. Though I pay above average. Huge garden, large ensuite bedroom, lovely place. The other girl was already here when I moved in.

The adjoining house is owned by same landlord and he rents that to 2 mismatched (dont get on) males. He stays a few nights per week here. I noticed in the beginning shes very flirty and silly girly around these men and landlord. They range from 34-60 and she is 24 but looks like a 14 yo. She has them all on a string and she uses them. In fact she uses people in general. She is one of those that doesnt ask for anything but hints and plays dumb, talks you to death and is over friendly to win you over, seems interested in you but isnt, half listens to you. Shes a manipulator supreme.

Shes so incredibly childish and needs so much attention and compliments. She would exhaust me talking about her physical self and fishing for compliments. The last time was her birthday a mth ago and despite being surrounded by people thinking shes adorable (notably men) she later in the house was posing in the mirror and says all whiney...do u think i look nice. I told her to go away. She has a boyfriend but this isnt enough she spends way too much time around the guys next door and they are crazy about her.

Ok so shes not my type of person but she is affecting me in terms of this joint home. Ever since I walked in I have cleaned. Any cleaning that needed doing I did it. She never seemed to be around, never did it while I was out, or was studying plus at first I fell for this and I became the cleaner here I even cleaned her bathroom once because (clever tactics) oh Im so stressed today ive got to go to uni and then bf is coming over and i have to home blahblah and i have to clean my bathroom...so I did it to help the poor delicate little girl out (NO she isnt) it was disgusting. She has no bin and throws things on the floor.

Somehow like a bucket of water I woke up and realise that she was using me (Id seen her use the guys next door for other things) I cut off from her and asked for just 1 chore to be put on a rota..the downstairs floors and stair carpet..small house takes 15 min. She went nuts, ran off shouting at me, straight into the guys house and was wailing her heart out..I heard her through walls. It took all my strength not to go in and drag her by her hair.

She seems to think Im her servant. She cant change a bin, wipe the micro or the hob, wring out the cloths, clean her crumbs from the work top, push her chair in at the dining table, take her rubbish out of a room, she damn idle. She leave sher dishes lying around. She also Ive found pays less than me by arround 50%!!

The landlord is, erm, a bit TOO fond of her. Ive watched him watching her skip about in her little shorts.Hes utterly captivated by her dumb little girl chatter. Pathetic. He wont handle this situ and as Im in a depressive period I feel sooo very angry I could smack her. I really could Id like to beat the **** out of her. I feel insulted, disrespected and used. I have spoken 3 times to the landlord and hes obviously listening to her. God knows what shes telling him, the poor delicate little flower

I cant just leave I have no where to go. I work hard and love and need my rest time and am a real homebody. I respect this house so much and am grateful. I feel totally out of control and I cant take feeling anymore useless or inferior to people than I already do. Im a kind a sensitive person (and prone to anxiety and depression)

Anyone know what I should do or been around same type?

TIA

[Travelinglady]

Hmm. As you say, I doubt the landlord is going to take your side.

She sounds like a spoiled brat. I know you want to keep things tidy, but she's not going to help. I know it's not easy, but if you must stay there, then just try to ignore her. Don't let her manipulate you, too. And certainly don't clean her bathroom! You are not her mother. Maybe someone else has other ideas, but I'm wondering if just pitching her messes into her bedroom might help when you are having company over. And/or let it be known that she is the slob! My son has roommates who also don't clean up after themselves.

If things keep bothering you too much, then I do suggest you try to see what other places might be available. Please don't let her bring you down. On second thought, you might try having a heart-to-heart with her first--telling her you both need to work together, trying not to sound judgmental. Maybe tell her you like her and want to get along, but her behavior is distressing you. Maybe do that before just assuming she won't do better.

I'm wondering if you know much about her past. How does her boyfriend deal with her?

Wow, what do you other folks here think?

[Trippin2.0]

I would clean up after myself and put her dirty dishes and whatnot in her room! I know you like a clean home, but definitly do not play servant to her. She will have to clean her room sooner or later with her dirt piling up...

[RomanSunburn]

The dirty dishes routine might backfire -- you could run out of dishes before she actually does any cleaning, and then what do you do when you want to eat? Unless you hide clean dishes in your room...

I'm really not sure what to tell you. I wish I had better advice. This sounds like a really crummy situation. But just keep in mind, there are other cute, sweet houses to live in with better landlords and better roommates. It does sound like this landlord has a knack for attracting people who shouldn't be living together into one house...

Good luck. I hope you are able to find some peace.

[Citrine]

Hi thanks,

Yeah Ive on occasion brushed the floor and opened her door and thrown the dirt in...she wont notice because as you can imagine...she wont clean her room. She has just started to stay out of my way completely and hardly uses the kitchen or anywhere else. This is a stupid situation, stupid. This must be her latest ploy to avoid a 15 min per wk job. I only cleaned he rbathroom once! Im not a total idiot. I realised what she was doing ages ago. The tension in the house is incredible and all because the landlord wont sit down and demand that we clean his floor between us.

AS for her bf...she told me in the beginning that he accuses her of encouraging the guys nextdoor. So he isnt totally stupid. When he visits (more than is allowed in the tenancy) she ditches the nextdoor guys, they dont txt or call nr she them, once hes gone they are in effect her replacement bfs. She gets them to take her out for food and spends time hanging out with them. I cant explain how much I dont like her. Shes one of those sickly sweet false girls.

[Perna]

I think you are upsetting yourself by making it a power struggle. If you want the floor clean, you might have to clean it; she obviously does not want the floor clean. That she walks on it is neither here nor there.

If you use joint dishes/utensils I'd get my own "set" of what I use (a plate, a glass, a mug, etc.) and keep them clean and organized in my own space. I'd vacuum/sweep/clean the parts of the house I use, whether they are joint or not, and put things she uses and does not clean up in her room as suggested but I'd wait a reasonable amount of time, at least 12 hours. I'd buy and label my own food and keep anything non-perishable in a bin in my room, talking it out and eating it in the location of my choice and then cleaning it up and returning whatever to my room.

I would not care if she wanted to talk to me or sulk or whatever since she clearly knows what is "wrong" in the relationship. I'd even get a bit ugly at times and, when I knew her boyfriend or others were coming over, I'd commandeer common spaces and "read", constantly getting "angry" at others for being too loud or otherwise annoying me. I don't think her boyfriend or the others will come over much if you take up the same space they want and are there first/not moving? If she wants to play games, play your own.

Ack!

This is why Pfrog lives alone.

[Citrine]

I wish I could afford to live alone. I hate this thread/topic Im going to delete. I sound like Im talking c**p but I cant take being around a manipulative b***h like this. Shes also a very vain jealous type, needy and attention seeking. Its people like her that make me feel low, shes ungrateful and competitive bully , typically she'll go far in life.Thanks for your input y'all.

Wish you wouldn't delete it ... It could be helpful to others who have been there, are there, or may find themselves there in the future.

It is tough living alone ... But you can't put a price on tranquility ... I make a lot of sacrifices - material wise - but I've always got a roof over my head, food on the table and clothes on my back.

Wishing you the best ...

[Vossie42]

Citrine, you're not talking crap. You raise many valid points. Yes, she should do her fair share in keeping the house clean. But she won't and you can't make her. All you can do is control how you respond to her. If you don't want to feel upset by her actions, you don't have to. I know that's really hard to do. Detaching yourself from her emotionally will save your sanity. It take a lot practice. Hopefully someone can give you good advice on how to detach emotionally in your situation, because like Pfrog, I live alone and don't have to deal with that crap. I can see how the situation would stress you out, though.

[Citrine]

It sounds like crap to me but thanks for your support. Maybe its because I am having a hard time in my own head at the mo and at the limit of crap I can take and maybe Im sick of my job too. I dont know how Im coping, I keep getting up and truckin on...anyway I the landlord came round today and he cleaned the floor , instead of her .. Im doubting my ability to see things clearly and he cleans up after Miss Thang. What is going on here?

Ive decided that I will move when I find another decent place, the landlord inability to handle her is not admirable. He told me she is leaving in Sept if not sooner. I cant chance him being as apathetic again and hes hurt me and caused unnecessary stress by his uselessness. He said `shes not my child I cant tell her what to do' I said `no shes your tenant and you sit her down and tell her you want her to contribute in keeping your dwelling clean' what sort of a stuuupid thing to say is that? Ideally Id like perhaps a tiny studio/annexe, it will be a bit more but like pfrog says you cant put a price on it. Im a very tidy person so it makes sense. Im not uncomfortably neat and scared of clutter. I have to watch myself coz u cant have enough pretty shiny things!(and cushions!) but I like cleanliness and tidiness especially in the bathroom and kitchen.No matter what is going on out there my living space is my sanctuary and keeping it clean and beautiful makes my head feel better.

Im stunned at her generation, mid 20's, how many were married with children and keeping house then? She needs to get herself sorted. Acting like a silly little girl. Time to grow up! Interestingly her folks drive 600m round trip per wk to pick her up for a few days and bring her back...they dont wont princess to travel on public transport... this is not my sort of person.

[Citrine]

Ok another development...her parents came and threatened me legally for harassment of her and (sinister) wink in another way. Oh yes.Pop has threatened me physically. I had a terrible day at work. So happy to lock it out. Im in my room and she comes back from over a week away. Theres a knock on my door..its her mommy. Cut it short. Im ambushed, no preparation, no landlord. They give me spanish inquisition tell me that as their daughter is a student she shouldnt have to do anything and boy oh boy did she lie, the stories she must have told. I caught her out a few times and she lied again to defend herself It was like arguing with a super b**ch teenager except shes 24. I realised that she must have told her parents that I either threaten her or make her feel threatened physically! I dream about smacking her face in but I stay so far out of her way its very uncomfortable. It occurred to me her father was taping the conversation as he was walking downstairs.I did the same as I questioned him about his threats and his wagging his finger as he said quietly `I have a friend' and squinted his eyes and and nodded. I told the landlord but he hasnt done anything or will. The situ had subsided.The floor had got cleaned and we were nodding a hello but now they have dug it up. 40 mins of arguing. Worse for me is when the dust settles the liar knows theyve lied and they know the other person knows they r a big lying ****** aswell. Ooh imagine the workings of that kind of head. V dangerous. Her parents treat her like a baby and think she is an angel. OMG. So my nice peaceful home is disrupted once more.Im pretty worried tbh.

[Vossie42]

Sorry to hear that her parents are getting involved. As if the situation weren't bad enough! Since the father has threatened you physically, I would file a police report, especially if you think he would act on his threat. Yes, that could aggravate the situation even more, but a visit from the police could shake up the parents enough that they leave you alone.

I know you don't want to hear this, but I agree with her parents that she doesn't have to do anything. She really does not have to do anything you say. She's an adult and she can live however she likes. According to her lease she probably does have to keep the dwelling clean enough that it doesn't attract insects and rodents. If she is actually that messy, then you do have a legitimate complaint that the landlord should address. Otherwise, you're stuck with putting up with her behavior or moving out. Granted, civilized people will sit down and draw up house rules and work out a schedule for completing chores. However, she's already demonstrated that she won't work with you on agreeing to and sticking to some basic house rules. Disagreements on house rules are a major sticking point for many housemates. That's why people interview potential housemates to see if they're compatible or they live alone.

You say she's moving out soon? Can you hold out until then?

[Citrine]

I could o to the police and its my nature to go that next step as I wont be controlled like this emotionally. Im way too angry and low for anymore crap so I have zero tolerance of any more aggravators.

I dont tell her what to do, I wish I was living with an equal fair and giving person one that doesnt take all she can get and use anyone for anything they can give. Including getting her housemate to be her cleaner.Cleverly. The landlord asked me to do a rota for the floor, nothing else and this is what has caused all of this trouble now. It is therefore his fault for not coming to this house and saying right girls, heres some rules `hoover and mop the floor once a week alternating the job' End of, get it done.It would be nice if he had also said to swill the bin out each week and always clean the areas of the kitchen u have used when u have finished but hey the floor is fine.

I could hold out now Im calmer but this landlord has been so weak and what will the next sharer be like, will he be the same with them? Probably. Im looking for somewhere just in case I decide.

[Vossie42]

Ah, the landlord started the floor thing and you were only trying to enforce what the landlord said. Oh good grief. The idiot girl can't abide by the landlord's reasonable rule and the landlord doesn't have the fortitude to enforce that one measly rule. It was just one rule! Ai-yi-yi! He may be letting the matter go since the girl will be gone soon. But, yeah, who knows what the next housemate will be like. It sounds like he'll take anyone so long as s/he pays the rent. Hopefully he'll be a little choosier about who he selects this time.. I don't blame you for feeling the way you do.

[Lisamom]

This situation will not improve. You don't like your room mate and never will. Even if she started cleaning, her personality is always going to irritate you. Accept that and begin your hunt for another living arrangement. While you search, accept that you and her are incompatible. No, she will not be successful in life. Truly manipulative people are rarely happy inside. The men want to have sex with her, it empowers her. She still lives in an apartment with a stranger who hates her. Make your life better than hers by getting out of there. You can find a better room mate. One who you will enjoy.

[leaJ]

Histrionic PD??? All I have to say is I'd like to see how she handles real life when she's not young and cute anymore and can't manipulate people (men) quite as easily. I can't stand people like this. I'm so sorry you're stuck in this situation.

[Citrine]

So so right LeaJ, one day she wont be able to do this. Yes folks, its because of a simple task asked of her for a total 30 mins per month. Its not totally all though, you see I saw through her, sussed her. She was manipulating me and unlike the men around and her parents I stopped letting it happen. She didnt like not being able to do this anymore. Her trickery doesnt work on me.I put my foot down and Im paying the price with her spitefulness.