Lost & Confussed in Love

Hi, this is really the first post I have made about my relationship.. I have been scanning through the other posts and checking things out. And I have decided that I would feel better to just get it out. I have stalled for so long, because I am not one to hear people tell me to get out of a relationship or he is no good, but you guys don't seem to do that. So here I go..

I have been in a relationship with a guy for 2 years next week, and I just know he is the one I want to spend my life with. When we started dating I had just gotten out of a 5 year relationship with someone I loved very much, but the Love I have for my boyfriend is far deeper than what I ever felt with my ex.

About our relationship... Well I am 22 and he is 31, so we kinda have conflict with our ages (depending on conversation).... He moved here from a large city (we are in po dunk wyoming), so we don't do much (there is nothing to do) but sit at home all the time and watch tv. We work together, so we see each other all the time.. I really don't have friends that I hang out with and he hasn't made any friends since he moved here, so we spend ALOT of time together. We don't live together though.... I would say we get along 90% of the time... Recently I have really started to notice that he likes to mention every little thing I do wrong; if I pronounce a word differently or wrong, he is right there to correct me, if I put something away wrong, he makes sure he lets me know. And I have told him/asked him to just let the little things go sometimes and I apologize for doing it wrong. Yet when I try to correct him in any way he get aggitated by it, not mad, just annoyed. When I do something wrong, I appologize for it, ya know after 2 years I have heard him appologize to me maybe? 5 times, he doesn't appologize after a fight, when he does something wrong, nothing... Another thing that is eating away at my mind is the fact that I love to share my feelings with him, and to be honest with you, I have no idea how he feels.. I have told him that if he doesn't like to talk about it that is fine, just write me a letter, I just want to know how he feels. Today he grabbed my hand to help me stand up and he looked at me and gave me a kiss and I could actually see his Love and sincerity in his eyes, it's the first time he has ever looked at me like that, and I saw it, it made feel so good... But later on tonight we ended up getting into a argument over stupid little stuff... When we fight, he doesn't talk, half the time I really don't know why he is mad at me... I won't leave or go to sleep until it is resolved, I can't and I just won't go to bed/home mad.. It solves nothing. I will walk out the door, get to my truck and sit there for about 5 minutes and go back in, I just can't leave when we are fighting... But he will never help me solve it, he just sits there and rolls his eyes and ignores me... Sometimes I feel like it is just me trying to make things work and I can't do it by myself and I have told him that... I don't like fighting (arguing), I never have and he knows that... When we get into a argument over little things, I will cry, it hurts me when we argue, I hate it...

I Love him so much, I just don't know how to get through to him. Yes I am still young, I know there are many more men out there, but I want him in my life til the day I die, I want to grow old with him and make many more memories... I just don't know if that is what he wants, I can't tell and he won't tell me.. We have talked about moving away together, but I don't know if he is just saying that or what..

I don't know I am just Lost and Confussed in Love?

Sorry it's so long...

It sounds as if you have a father daughter type of relationship with him. Honestly he sounds so controlling and even toxic. If you have to stay with him forever and he doesn't change anything about how he treats you; can you be happy with that? I would guess that if you do stay together on these terms things will get worse not better because you are in a dating situation and most people try to behave extra nice during dating. I have to say you need to really look at where you are; where you are going and what you need to have from a relationship. If you are not happy now how do expect to resolve those issues? What is he looking for in a relationship? Don't know that any of this helpful cos my first instinct is to tell you to run to the nearest exit but I am trying to respect your feelings that this is the one man in the world who can meet your needs.

Sometimes it is ok to let an argument drop, especially if it is about the stupid stuff. Just like you want him to let your little mistakes drop he wants to let the little arguments drop. In a relationship you will have a million tiffs. You pick your battles. The ones that really matter. I am not saying you say nothing. You do, but I don't think a lot of things need to be "worked out". They say never go to bed mad. If that were true I wouldn't have slept for 5 years because we had hit that rocky part of marriage where we just couldn't get along because we had both grown in different directions. That doesn't mean we didn't love each other, it just meant that we had to learn to grow back together. There are times when things just can't be resolved before bed. Those are the things that can break up a relationship if you can't just wait it out. A life time together is a long time and there will be many things you will not agree on at first or ever. Sometimes you just have to agree to dissagree. So you pick your battles. You stand your ground on the things really important to you. Let some of the other things slide.

As far has him correcting you all the time. That sucks big time. My husband used to do that to me. He would correct my spelling in the love letters that I sent him when we were first dating. I tried to correct him just to get him back but like your guy it didn't go over well. Finally I just started saying "So?" For me it worked. I stopped apologizing for things that shouldn't be appologized for. We all make gaffs. Ooops, I goofed. Once I stopped being bothered by the corrections I didn't notice them anymore and for some reason he stopped making them. If he said something that really hurt my feelings then I would tell him that he hurt my feelings then I would leave it at that. I think he needed to correct me because he was afraid he wasn't good enough for me. He is 4 years older then me and was afraid that it mattered. I think maybe he was trying to make me see how smart he was or some stupid thing like that since he felt that I was "too beautiful to go out with a dork like him." That is paraphrasing his own words. He just couldn't understand or see just how handsome and wonderful I think he is even though I tell him everyday and think he is a stud and mean it when I say it. No he doesn't look like a movie star but his smell makes my heart beat faster, the feel of his skin and the hair on his chest makes me feel safe and secure. The sound of his voice, his very presence calms me and makes me ok. But he didn't understand that and still forgets at times.

So anyway I hope this helps,
Carrie